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gardenfairy

gardenfairy

꒰ᐢ. .į¢ź’±ā‚ŠĖšāŠ¹
Oct 7, 2023
49
i've been feeling horribly suicidal lately - can't stop thinking about my childhood, can't stop fucking things up because of it. i'm not at the point yet where i've accepted the idea of ctb, no matter how bad i want it - it's still hard to wrap my head around. sought help thinking maybe i won't have to live miserably in the meantime. spoke to the gp and then i had to wait a week to speak to the mental health practitioner who did nothing other than ask me questions and refer me (why can't the doctor do that?) then waited another week for a letter from the mental health services. 18 weeks. they 'aim to see you' within 18 weeks. 4 months. i told both the doctor and the mh practitioner that im actively suicidal and self-harming and yet im waiting 4 months to even speak to someone. i hate the healthcare in this country so much. if i want help sooner my only option is to fail an attempt and go to the psych ward. so my options to get help are: wait for four months in misery or have my human rights stripped from me in the psych ward. they crack down on sites like this and force you into a wellness check for breathing wrong but won't treat you. why do they try so hard to keep us alive but do nothing to address our suffering? you have to make a horrible dehumanising decision - give up your human rights or suffer - and they punish you when you don't want to do it anymore, when you can't deal with the complete lack of support. it's exhausting. you'd think at this point they'd just let us die rather than live in misery with no prospects of actual support.
 
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nayomi

nayomi

only the truth will save us all
Jul 19, 2026
118
i mean just put a bag on your head and tell them that you try to ctb i guess
 
BrontesA

BrontesA

Katabasis
Jul 16, 2026
12
i've been feeling horribly suicidal lately - can't stop thinking about my childhood, can't stop fucking things up because of it. i'm not at the point yet where i've accepted the idea of ctb, no matter how bad i want it - it's still hard to wrap my head around. sought help thinking maybe i won't have to live miserably in the meantime. spoke to the gp and then i had to wait a week to speak to the mental health practitioner who did nothing other than ask me questions and refer me (why can't the doctor do that?) then waited another week for a letter from the mental health services. 18 weeks. they 'aim to see you' within 18 weeks. 4 months. i told both the doctor and the mh practitioner that im actively suicidal and self-harming and yet im waiting 4 months to even speak to someone. i hate the healthcare in this country so much. if i want help sooner my only option is to fail an attempt and go to the psych ward. so my options to get help are: wait for four months in misery or have my human rights stripped from me in the psych ward. they crack down on sites like this and force you into a wellness check for breathing wrong but won't treat you. why do they try so hard to keep us alive but do nothing to address our suffering? you have to make a horrible dehumanising decision - give up your human rights or suffer - and they punish you when you don't want to do it anymore, when you can't deal with the complete lack of support. it's exhausting. you'd think at this point they'd just let us die rather than live in misery with no prospects of actual support.
A lot to be said about governmental bullshit. They'd much rather have a suicidal populace with zero dignity and agency, it's just that simple. If you're suffering, its because you don't like the world they've created for you to live in, therefore you must have an issue with the actions they've taken, therefore, you are the problem and its okay to let you keep cutting as long as they don't have to pay for it. Well adjusted tax-paying citizens don't need therapy. At least that's how my weird head sees it.

If anyone gave a shit, they would fix each and every one of us. "The purpose of a system is what it does"
 
hughmun9

hughmun9

Student
Feb 22, 2023
140
Even when you do get access to them they can be pretty hit or miss.
 

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