pebpebpebpeb
i have no enemies
- Apr 1, 2020
- 184
trigger warning for self harm, sa, children in hospitals
i hate them.
the first time i went to one, i was only 12 years old, barely turning 13. it's so fucking inhumane that my parents and everyone else involved really, truly thought sending me off to a psychiatric ward against my will would help me. it didn't. i got sexually assaulted in one of them, IN FRONT OF THE STAFF, and it's been fucking up my life ever since. i've been in and out of hospitals throughout my entire teenage life. i've had to watch screaming children be restrained and stabbed with a needle in front of my eyes. i've seen staff misgender and discriminate against transgender kids, and then get angry when they try to retaliate. i didn't even know that isolation rooms were legal until i saw a screaming girl be forced into one for having a meltdown. in reality, it just made everything worse. i want to die even more, i want to self harm more, and i can't get the image of being touched out of my mind for more than a week. i hate this so much. i hate that man. i don't want to hate anyone. i don't want to have enemies that i cling onto. but i don't know how to get rid of my rage i have for these men.
i've self harmed in a hospital in front of the staffs eyes, and the next day i was discharged. this world is fucked up to think that this should be normalized for any mentally ill person. for severe cases, i can understand needing surveilance. but for a suicidal 12 year old child to be surrounded by staff and older teenagers who didn't give two shits whether i lived or died? it's horrific. i feel bad because i should be grateful i even have these opportunities, but i don't think anyone deserves to be in a mental hospital. i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
if i've counted correctly, i've been to a mental hospital 7 times in my life. that's 7 times too many. my longest stay was around 2 months in a longer-term hospital.
i used to want to be a therapist, but the practice just feels so shady and i don't think i could handle profiting off of mentally ill people like that. i doubt i could be pro-sui as a therapist as well, i'd probably be fired day 1 xD.
i hate them.
the first time i went to one, i was only 12 years old, barely turning 13. it's so fucking inhumane that my parents and everyone else involved really, truly thought sending me off to a psychiatric ward against my will would help me. it didn't. i got sexually assaulted in one of them, IN FRONT OF THE STAFF, and it's been fucking up my life ever since. i've been in and out of hospitals throughout my entire teenage life. i've had to watch screaming children be restrained and stabbed with a needle in front of my eyes. i've seen staff misgender and discriminate against transgender kids, and then get angry when they try to retaliate. i didn't even know that isolation rooms were legal until i saw a screaming girl be forced into one for having a meltdown. in reality, it just made everything worse. i want to die even more, i want to self harm more, and i can't get the image of being touched out of my mind for more than a week. i hate this so much. i hate that man. i don't want to hate anyone. i don't want to have enemies that i cling onto. but i don't know how to get rid of my rage i have for these men.
i've self harmed in a hospital in front of the staffs eyes, and the next day i was discharged. this world is fucked up to think that this should be normalized for any mentally ill person. for severe cases, i can understand needing surveilance. but for a suicidal 12 year old child to be surrounded by staff and older teenagers who didn't give two shits whether i lived or died? it's horrific. i feel bad because i should be grateful i even have these opportunities, but i don't think anyone deserves to be in a mental hospital. i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
if i've counted correctly, i've been to a mental hospital 7 times in my life. that's 7 times too many. my longest stay was around 2 months in a longer-term hospital.
i used to want to be a therapist, but the practice just feels so shady and i don't think i could handle profiting off of mentally ill people like that. i doubt i could be pro-sui as a therapist as well, i'd probably be fired day 1 xD.
