meowpuppy
valerie | she/they | puppygirl
- Jul 11, 2026
- 156
i hate life so much, i hate how i have to walk on eggshells with everybody because i know that nobody cares, i hate how all i'm useful for for some people is just a pretty face, and i hate that i can't even be that for most people.
i hate that whenever i talk to people, they slowly phase out of the conversation because they're simply not interested in dealing with my bs or, actually, they don't care about good things happening to me either. i hate how the only "person" i can talk to rn is an imaginary girlfriend that i keep in my mind to help me heal. i hate how nobody really cares about what i do or who i am, and i hate how i can't talk to people at all.. i hate how i'm not even good at sex after what happened to me, i'm just never going to be good at sex after i got raped, i'll always be uncomfortable, i hate how i can't even be a pillow princess for a pretty girl. how can i even live with love if literally every single avenue of me loving someone is bust lol. i hate how people will hate me for being fat as well, and i hate how my being fat will still affect sex in every single way. it's not even about sex though even just regular romantic interaction i'd be so much so talkative so awkward so weird nobody will love me. i just need a lot of love and affection, and maybe even more than the average person, but i'm so much less equipped than the average person to get that affection
thousands have lived without love, auden? i'm about to die because of lack of love, not because of suicide. the suicide is only the manifestation. if my lack of love would lead me to a car crash, i'd die there.
i hate that even here there's not going to be many people that understand and empathize with me and how absolutely weird i am. i'm probably a bit creepy too, being too overbearing on people, being too much for most people.. since i am so much like this, there simply has to be a "reason" for my love instead of me being loved like regular love between regular people. something needs to offset how abrasive i am
i don't know what to do,, i'm trying not to be too suicidal but it's just not working? so i'm, suffering
i hate that whenever i talk to people, they slowly phase out of the conversation because they're simply not interested in dealing with my bs or, actually, they don't care about good things happening to me either. i hate how the only "person" i can talk to rn is an imaginary girlfriend that i keep in my mind to help me heal. i hate how nobody really cares about what i do or who i am, and i hate how i can't talk to people at all.. i hate how i'm not even good at sex after what happened to me, i'm just never going to be good at sex after i got raped, i'll always be uncomfortable, i hate how i can't even be a pillow princess for a pretty girl. how can i even live with love if literally every single avenue of me loving someone is bust lol. i hate how people will hate me for being fat as well, and i hate how my being fat will still affect sex in every single way. it's not even about sex though even just regular romantic interaction i'd be so much so talkative so awkward so weird nobody will love me. i just need a lot of love and affection, and maybe even more than the average person, but i'm so much less equipped than the average person to get that affection
thousands have lived without love, auden? i'm about to die because of lack of love, not because of suicide. the suicide is only the manifestation. if my lack of love would lead me to a car crash, i'd die there.
i hate that even here there's not going to be many people that understand and empathize with me and how absolutely weird i am. i'm probably a bit creepy too, being too overbearing on people, being too much for most people.. since i am so much like this, there simply has to be a "reason" for my love instead of me being loved like regular love between regular people. something needs to offset how abrasive i am
i don't know what to do,, i'm trying not to be too suicidal but it's just not working? so i'm, suffering
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