Venting tuition/misery rambling

[suistore]

I was going to CTB yesterday, but unfortunately I have to wait another two weeks.
Anyway. The deadline for choosing a college is in 2 days, and I was telling my family I was going to do online community college, but now they are making me choose a school to go away to. All of the schools I have been accepted to are $20k+ out of pocket for me because I had to use my dad's income on my application, even though he is giving me no money for college.
The reason I even worry about this is the fact that I'm a pussy and feel like I won't end up being able to actually follow through with sui. I want to do it more than anything, but I'm too scared to just get it over with. If I am not able to do it, I'll be stuck with so much debt just to go to school not even knowing what I want to go for.
I plan to seriously attempt to CTB in 2 weeks, but this financial situation is going to cause so much stress for me leading up to my attempt.
I wish I could just go live in the woods somewhere, so I could be alone and die naturally like the coward I am. I wish I didn't have to deal with so much annoying bullshit before I go. I wish the entire universe would implode. School sucks. Money sucks. Family sucks. Fuck everything. I'm so eager to escape this sick joke of a life. I wish I was brave enough to do it already.
I found DSL, and was considering purchasing SN, but I highly doubt I'd be able to get AEs or benzos. I don't wanna do it without an AE, I hate vomiting, and with my luck I'd throw it all up and have nothing left to try again with. I don't know.
Why is it so hard to die? I just want to die..

 

[fadedghost]

I was going to CTB yesterday, but unfortunately I have to wait another two weeks.
Anyway. The deadline for choosing a college is in 2 days, and I was telling my family I was going to do online community college, but now they are making me choose a school to go away to. All of the schools I have been accepted to are $20k+ out of pocket for me because I had to use my dad's income on my application, even though he is giving me no money for college.
The reason I even worry about this is the fact that I'm a pussy and feel like I won't end up being able to actually follow through with sui. I want to do it more than anything, but I'm too scared to just get it over with. If I am not able to do it, I'll be stuck with so much debt just to go to school not even knowing what I want to go for.
I plan to seriously attempt to CTB in 2 weeks, but this financial situation is going to cause so much stress for me leading up to my attempt.
I wish I could just go live in the woods somewhere, so I could be alone and die naturally like the coward I am. I wish I didn't have to deal with so much annoying bullshit before I go. I wish the entire universe would implode. School sucks. Money sucks. Family sucks. Fuck everything. I'm so eager to escape this sick joke of a life. I wish I was brave enough to do it already.
I found DSL, and was considering purchasing SN, but I highly doubt I'd be able to get AEs or benzos. I don't wanna do it without an AE, I hate vomiting, and with my luck I'd throw it all up and have nothing left to try again with. I don't know.
Why is it so hard to die? I just want to die..

Have you considered just working and going to in person community college part-time and taking classes to see if you like anything?

I totally get not wanting to spend 20K per year. And yes, it absolutely sucks being in that group of middle class people where you don't get scholarships, but family won't pay anything...

You could also just choose some college somewhere that's in an affordable area and then get a job and then leave after a semester and start working full-time.

 

[suistore]

Have you considered just working and going to in person community college part-time and taking classes to see if you like anything?

I totally get not wanting to spend 20K per year. And yes, it absolutely sucks being in that group of middle class people where you don't get scholarships, but family won't pay anything...

You could also just choose some college somewhere that's in an affordable area and then get a job and then leave after a semester and start working full-time.

I'm not able to do community college in person, because I'd have to buy a car, and then I can't afford school. The family I'm living with also won't allow me to do part-time school, it's kind of all or nothing with them.

I'm curious what you mean by leave after a semester though? What would be the point of going for just one semester only to go back to working?

 

[fadedghost]

I'm not able to do community college in person, because I'd have to buy a car, and then I can't afford school. The family I'm living with also won't allow me to do part-time school, it's kind of all or nothing with them.

I'm curious what you mean by leave after a semester though? What would be the point of going for just one semester only to go back to working?

You don't want a huge amount of debt it sounds like... so you could take their money, go to full-time school, and then look for a job... get a paying job... leave the expensive school, do half your college at community college which is MUCH less money, and then transfer to another school, maybe with a need based scholarship since they can no longer claim you as a dependent once you start working and don't take their money.

Are they willing to help with paying it but you're going to have to take out student loans? It just sounds like you can't find a job right now since you're 18 and have no experience and it would take a while to find a job and your family may not let you... but if you were going to college, you could look for work and leave... right? And then do the cheapest schooling possible to reduce debt.

Not getting into debt to finance an education is potentially smart. Student loans can be awful.

You also might like college once you do it or find something you like... Maybe you could just see?