Venting trying to stay patient

[yuno]

Just needed to vent here a little because I am really bothered lately. I'm trying to stay patient and ctb once certain terms are met, but each day I face more and more reminders of how much I need to leave this place. I'm finding myself impatient and each day I just want to ctb more. The method I've chosen can take a few days or even longer, so a piece of me wants to begin dosing myself with the poison already. My terms are almost met, but each day the need to ctb is louder and louder. This is my ultimate wish and I have the ability to make it come true. I need to go. This is the ultimate yearning of my heart and for so long too. It's painful just to wait around. Waiting for my terms to be met. I don't know if I can keep on waiting. I want to go now. As soon as possible. But I know I mustn't get impulsive. It's just a pain.

 

[lessonlearned]

i feel the same. living day to day is hard but i have to wait till it's time.

 

[universe]

It's a completely understandable feeling, the lack of meaning in life, the suffering and distress make us think about it all day. I'm supposed to put my affairs in order and CTB but I'm unable to do anything, I just want CTB, I don't want to wait any longer either. And it is true that impulsiveness is not a good solution. This situation is a real heartbreak: we don't know what to do. Should we do what we want? What would be good for us? What others would like us to do?

I'm sorry that life has made you suffer so much, I hope you will be better. Good luck to you.

 

[Why Me?]

I totally relate to what you guys are saying... I want to go right now, I should have gone a long time ago, but I need to wait for the right time which I have reserved. In the meantime, I'm only being given more reasons to CTB immediately. However, I'm concerned that if I end up in a better situation by my reserved time, that I might not go thru with it, when I really should because I doubt life will become worth living regardless. I can't keep putting this off, and losing more years to meaningless suffering, I don't deserve this.

 

[FuneralCry]

I get that it's hard to carry on existing when all that you wish for is to leave. Existing can certainly be very tiring when you have to continue to be here day after day in a life that just causes you to suffer. To die has also always been my ultimate wish, to me there is nothing more ideal than being gone from this world. I've always seen life as being such a pointless and terrible concept. I wish you the best.

 

[freevoid]

Just needed to vent here a little because I am really bothered lately. I'm trying to stay patient and ctb once certain terms are met, but each day I face more and more reminders of how much I need to leave this place. I'm finding myself impatient and each day I just want to ctb more. The method I've chosen can take a few days or even longer, so a piece of me wants to begin dosing myself with the poison already. My terms are almost met, but each day the need to ctb is louder and louder. This is my ultimate wish and I have the ability to make it come true. I need to go. This is the ultimate yearning of my heart and for so long too. It's painful just to wait around. Waiting for my terms to be met. I don't know if I can keep on waiting. I want to go now. As soon as possible. But I know I mustn't get impulsive. It's just a pain.

Same. I wont be able to go till at least January because of family obligations/external factors.

I'm sorry you're in this position. It is a massive pain!