Venting Trying to be normal ruined me

[-nobodyknows-]

I was okay for a good while. Got off medication, got a job, and started hanging out with people again.

That last thing was probably a mistake. I'm not great with people, I get way too attached and I'm incredibly awkward. I'm usually quiet and reserved, but when I purposefully make an effort to interact with people I tend to come off as way too forward and direct. Naturally, other people aren't too fond of these things.

I'm in quite a conundrum. Staying away from social interactions makes me feel like my life is pointless. But the lack of connections after putting in effort just makes things so much worse.

I wish I had someone. In the past, whenever I did, things were a lot better. It's ridiculous how much of a difference it makes. But, it doesn't ever last. I get way too clingy and just want to be around them too much. It's not just romantic interests either, I get like this with friends too.

I hate that I'm like this. I can't stand the thought of always being on my own. I worked really hard to improve myself for many years and now that I've put myself back out in the wild again it's all going to shit. I can't stand it. I can't see the point of fixing yourself if I have to be alone to stay that way.

 

[Guy089001]

I honestly believe some of us are just different. This world tries to force us to mould, to be reasonable, to be this and that with everyone else around us, tells us how people are and what they want and calls gatherings of people who aren't like the rest, losers, undesirables, failures, it's just high school magnified it seems. Same social games. Let me tell you something - you have a choice, and nobody is going to tell you this so frankly probably because it is not that common of an opinion: you can listen, you can try to "improve", trim your "edges" and fit yourself into a neat, tidy responsible box pretending you really do care to be... whatever, people want you to be, to be what they all strive to be, and fear what they'll say if you don't, fear your reputation, fear everything. Or, you can let go, and embrace a more anarchistic, rebellious view - "Yes that's right that's exactly who the fuck I am. And?" until something changes,