Venting I got SA’d last night

[blueebellsss]

I was severely intoxicated and got taken advantage of against my will. It happens to so many women, yet I was naive enough to think it'd never happen to me.

It was unprotected as well and my first time ever, so I even got my virginity taken by this asshole. I always saw sex as a positive thing before this and now I can't even look at my body without recoiling. I feel disgusting, ashamed, guilty, like it's my fault or I'm overreacting. I can't think of anything else, it's all I see when I close my eyes.

I'm worried this is just going to worsen my suicidality and that I'll never feel normal or comfortable ever again.

 

[Gild-Holm-’Ur]

I so wish we could carry part of the burden for you.

I saw a family member struggle with this for years. But she did get through it stronger and found true love.

I don't know that you cannot feel your feelings or even shouldn't feel them. But be aware they are not who you truly are. You are wonderful.

 

[MeSauce]

I was severely intoxicated and got taken advantage of against my will. It happens to so many women, yet I was naive enough to think it'd never happen to me.

It was unprotected as well and my first time ever, so I even got my virginity taken by this asshole. I always saw sex as a positive thing before this and now I can't even look at my body without recoiling. I feel disgusting, ashamed, guilty, like it's my fault or I'm overreacting. I can't think of anything else, it's all I see when I close my eyes.

I'm worried this is just going to worsen my suicidality and that I'll never feel normal or comfortable ever again.

I am so sorry that happened. I can relate to a certain degree. I always thought bad people would come with a sign around their neck, or some kind of indication.

Time heals. That doesn't mean forgiving or forgetting, but you will return to a baseline eventually. You will feel normal again, comfortable again, and happy again, but it will take time. It is absolutely not your fault, nor are you overreacting. As for practical advice, if I may, I'd go to the police. If not the police, at least someone you can confide in and help you process and grieve. Sexual Assault isn't a mistake that good people accidentally do, it is a serious crime that deserves punishment. If you do wish to report it, the police or a sexual assault service built to help people like you can help you understand your options. In any case, you can seek medical attention whether you decide to report or not. STI testing and prevention, emergency contraception, and forensic evidence can be things to consider.

I hope you feel better soon, and that you have people that you can rely on to help you. Don't bear this burden alone, there are people out there who will help you if you let them. Take care of yourself

 

[StarsAbove]

you're being incredibly brave just by putting this into words. Sending you so much love!

 

[fadedghost]

I was severely intoxicated and got taken advantage of against my will. It happens to so many women, yet I was naive enough to think it'd never happen to me.

It was unprotected as well and my first time ever, so I even got my virginity taken by this asshole. I always saw sex as a positive thing before this and now I can't even look at my body without recoiling. I feel disgusting, ashamed, guilty, like it's my fault or I'm overreacting. I can't think of anything else, it's all I see when I close my eyes.

I'm worried this is just going to worsen my suicidality and that I'll never feel normal or comfortable ever again.

please, please document this, go to the police, go to https://rainn.org/ and chat with counselors, report it, tell people now, don't wait.

it is going to impact you and you want records of it, no matter what people say or how it impacts things, report it. you could start with just chatting with the counselors at rainn.org. they have training.