Venting trying every possible way to kill myself without killing myself

[eyenumbing]

because im too much of a pussy to actually do it. i've been doing everything else to kill myself. cutting, starving, burning, abusing pills, giving myself infections, alcohol, smoking + vaping (i have a lung condition), not doing treatment for my lungs. i want to die so bad you dont understand. i just wish i could die in my sleep and never have to deal with this pain of living anymore. im so done.

 

[thefirstluminary]

how can you cut and burn yourself but can't ctb if you can endure the pain of burning and cutting ctb'ing is not gonna be that bad

 

[eyenumbing]

how can you cut and burn yourself but can't ctb if you can endure the pain of burning and cutting ctb'ing is not gonna be that bad

i have been engaging in self harm since i was 11 but putting a gun to my face was the hardest thing i had ever done. i couldn't do it.

 

[thefirstluminary]

i have been engaging in self harm since i was 11 but putting a gun to my face was the hardest thing i had ever done. i couldn't do it.

That's very odd
Take some time off I guess and reflect maybe you don't wanna do it and I do hope you find peace ♥
Just take it easy

 

[interna]

That's very odd

it's not very odd at all; to feel pain and to die are two very different things

 

[Kanau_Nano]

how can you cut and burn yourself but can't ctb if you can endure the pain of burning and cutting ctb'ing is not gonna be that bad

Feeling the fear of oncoming death is way more difficult to deal with than sh. They don't compare at all

 

[TeaHealer]

You're thinking too much about injuring yourself more than killing yourself. Even if you want to die, your death will not be at peace because you suffered torturing yourself than getting hurt from others.

I seriously think you need to take your mind off before picking up your own knife. Do something nice to yourself in a moment, and when you feel ready to commit to it; you can go back.

 

[wine is fine but]

how can you cut and burn yourself but can't ctb if you can endure the pain of burning and cutting ctb'ing is not gonna be that bad

as the saying goes
"better the devil you know"

i have never, nor ever thought about sh, but as an example that may be relevant, i always wanted to get a tattoo just to see what it feels like - however, i had a fear that the tattoos themselves might not have been addictive, but the act of getting one might and i would be covered in them, which i do not want. while thankfully, i do not understand self harm myself, i do think i understand the part where pain can become addictive, either because it feels weirdly good to us, or the relief when the painful activity stops, or even because it allows the person to actually feel something . . . everyone of us has a different pain scale, just like with the rest of our senses. what looks good to some, looks horrible to others and as silly as this can sound, what some consider pain can be like heaven to others. i used to love getting my legs waxed. the beautician like it too, because with longer hairs that a guy can get away with, it was much easier for her. just throw the wax on and tear off. to me it tickled, yet a guy i used to work with was a boxer. he actually was professional for at least 2 fights that i know of, and he was happy to get smacked in the face and body by someone, but claimed that waxing was too painful for him. he couldn't understand how i thought it was great. also, when i got my legs lasered, the beautician would put on the freezing cold gel. she would apologise that it was so cold, but i was laughing uncontrollably, because i loved it. the cold gel on my legs, someone putting their cold hands on my shoulders to warm them up and even turning the pillow over at night to keep it cold is heaven to me, but hell to so many other people. sh would almost certainly be the same - hell to most of us, but other crave it