Man I would literally do anything for that. The stress of having to research non top to decide on some fucked up barbaric method, having to overcome SI while knowing you are putting yourself at risk to be in a 100x worse situation. Just to achieve something that should be readily accessible/the right of any human. It's stressful
All the while, it would be possible to safely drift off and pass cleanly under medical care, with barbiturates.. It's so fucked up having to go through this. I hope I have the strength to follow through because I know being stuck here is infinitely worse