Venting Trauma

[goodbye_._]

i don't know how many of you have dealt with trauma but I'm sure there is a lot. It's a living hell. When I was just dealing with trauma from when my dad abused me I could almost live with it. Now I also have trauma from the treatment centre I was in. I can't get the images out of my head. Sometimes if I hit my head they go away and I avoid an episode. I know I sound crazy but I really do try. Well I tried. To be normal to have a job, to finish school but it was too much. I don't think anyone could change my mind about ctbing. Even if I don't do it soon like I plan I'll do it in a year and if not then, then in two and so on. It's torture when you don't even have control of your own mind half the time. I tried therapy but it just wasn't working. I'm just a shell of who I was. I'm dead already. I'm sorry this is such a weird thread there is just so much on my mind recently. I had this memory of when I was still in highschool. One of my friends told me someone in my class asked my friend why they are friends with me. No one liked me. And I don't know how to describe it but life really feels like that right now.

 

[Ultracheese]

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of these emotions alone. Trauma is incredibly difficult to cope with, especially when people that are supposed to help us hurt us, whether it be a family member or a treatment center. You don't sound crazy at all. What you've gone through sounds very painful. I can relate to a lot of the feelings you've described, especially about being unsuccessful with therapy and being socially ostracized. You sound like a thoughtful, kind person, and I hope you're able to find peace regardless of what you decide to do.

 

[Lamentice]

Well I tried. To be normal to have a job, to finish school but it was too much.

I understand that. People misrepresent healing from trauma I think (especially on social media, like it's something they've just completely overcome). You really never fully recover from trauma, it's always there, and worse it's always informing our present decisions in subtle ways. It molds who you are as a person & warps your entire world perspective. And no matter how much work & effort is put into healing & changing, it will always be there in one form or another as something to struggle & battle with. Something that permanently affects who you are & who you can be. Sometimes that daily war is a lot & just too much...

I wish the best for you, and like the person above really hope you find peace for yourself whatever that means for you <3
And you definitely don't sound crazy or weird. You've been through a lot!!

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you've had to endure, it's such a cruel world we exist in where people suffer all through no fault of their own. But anyway I wish you the best.