cottonbones346
Time eats all his children in the end.
- Dec 21, 2023
- 13
Hi, this is my first post here so bare with me. I am done living, I feel it in my bones im exhausted. I've wanted to CTB since I was a kid but 8 year olds aren't great with slipknots. I thought i could get through life if I was never sober and that honestly worked for a bit. But drinking vodka from 6 am till i pass out and snorting whatever i got on hand really takes a toll on the body. Have you heard of delirium tremors? They're hellish, any withdrawals are and ive gone through all types of them. This last i could barely get out of bed to vomit cause i was so sore and hallucinating. I started popping benzos to help, I regret not downing my whole supply when I had the chance. I just didnt want my mom to find me and didnt know where else to go. Long story short i got sent back to rehab (ive been 6 times, im 22) and im stuck in a half way house. Everyone here keeps telling me that being here saved their life but i dont want to save mine. I am done and i find peace in that. I cant fix everything i've fucked up, I know i was never meant to be alive this long, if i was dog I would be put down. But i can get anything sent to this house to help me CTB, I've seen some good tutorials on hanging but thats such a gruesome scene to find, my roomate is rather nice and i dont want to do that to her. I try to talk to people and theres just this fog or barrier, i can't connect or attach. Im not supposed to be here, inside im empty but its a heavy empty. Maybe hanging is my only choice. I truly wish we had more control over our fates. Sorry for rambling i just need to put something somewhere
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