Top Reason why people want to CTB

[hercules0501]

Hi,

I wanted to know the top reason why people CTB. I keep reading vague responses from people that life is bad etc. Could someone who has been here or engaged with CTB type people on a normal basis give me the core reason why people CTB.

I'll start first:-

1. Nihilism I believe everything that we do is pointless. Existence and fighting the rat race is pointless in itself and I would like to opt out from this game world

2. APATHY. MANY people keep telling me to be happy. I'm happy and things are good. But I can't keep living and doing stuff everyday pretneding that I love being happy. I don't give a fuck about being happy or sad I just want to be gone from here. Period.

I don't see the world as negative or positive I see it as irrelevant.

Could others share their specific reasons why they would like to end it? Thanks

 

[thelostautistic]

I have a few reasons but my main one is I don't want to be autistic. It impacts me a lot more than people realise and growing up undiagnosed was very traumatising for me. I worry about my safety in the future after my parents die. I worry about being fully independent and I'm scared I'll become homeless. Part of me wants to live but not like this. I'm going to have to deal with being misunderstood, overstimulated and potentially bullied for the rest of my life. This world just feels too much for me and I can't handle it. I am trying to carry on but I think eventually I will end my life.

 

[rainrainrain]

Im a fuck up and don't deserve to be alive

 

[Forveleth]

I am tired of living and just want to be done with it.

 

[Nerned]

There is no other alternative, all roads are closed.

 

[LilGhost]

1) Pain. Both mental and physical
2) Disability. I can never fit in, fully feel like a human and i cant even afford mobility aids as example and ill never get better, there is no even fucking cure. Never for me to run through field of flowers. Never for me to feel the happiness of love
3) Scared to fail. Feel like id rather die then go back to my parents
4) Exams, college stress
5) friends betrayal
6) Almost no one (except one person) cares. If i die, I just wont be a financial burden
7) My parents wants me to come on summer break. My mother will be touching me despite me not wanting too... getting scared into being put to mental facility of my home country (she belives I belong there cause i hate physical contact), having to act like a perfect little toy to them and walk on eggshells again and having to visit my home country that makes me sick and my room that carries to much painful memories. Id be forced to do lots of shit that will make me throw up after
8) Gender dysphoria, not being able to get gender affirming care, constant misgendering.... (cant blame them I kinda look femine no matter how much i try but duuuudeee, you dont have to call me ma'am every five fucking seconds)
9) Politics. I fucking hate where world is going
10) lack of serotonin. My mind stop producing it normally since I was when i 12, i think
11) wanting some peace
12) I made a list of shit i hate and like and i hate much more shit then I like
Thats a brief answer. Also your 2nd reason is so real bud, do you have any hobbies you are passionate about? Finding that actually kinda helped me with apathy, idk if it would work same with ya

 

[stupid-reality]

Well nihilism is also true for me.
Also it feels more rational to kill myself while im still happy and kinda detached from evolutionary instincts. I'm going to die anyway. I want my death to be a beautiful one. I've seen so many people living miserable lives, suffering and wanting to die. Yet they still surviving because they are enslaved by their survival instincts. I don't want to be one of them. That's why I don't want to miss my chance while my mind is still sharp and my instincts are still under control.

 

[Spite]

My top reason for CTBing? I don't want to spend the rest of my life being a wageslave.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Because life sucks… and then you die!

I just want to cut out the sucky part and go straight to the being dead part.

I'm disgusted by my parasitic biological needs. I'm repulsed by the cannibalism in the natural world, that many nature worshippers consider "beautiful". Something that kills and causes pain is not something anyone should be admiring protecting or promoting.

To seek out comfort or your own personal happiness in this barbaric hellhole, is actually deeply unethical from my perspective. I don't even want to be happy, while being part of such a system.

And then of course there is human society… I could write forever on how disgusted I am by our species and the so-called "civilisation" we have created. We are the most diabolically evil creature that has ever inhabited this cruel spinning rock. We deserve everything that is coming for us with climate collapse and late stage capitalism. We have disgraced our intelligence as a species.

I don't have existential dread… I have deep existential guilt. I hate being a sentient feeling conscious creature. I hate that my continued existence, helps to prop up and validate this diseased deranged mess we call "life"…

This thing is not a gift, it's a curse….

I have more, but that's basic gist of it.

 

[Swan16]

Am tired of the situation am in, and just want to get it over with

 

[zrk]

Dislike for myself, both the physical and mental aspects.

 

[emptinessrevolve]

Hopelessness.

 

[confusedandstupid]

Dislike for myself, both the physical and mental aspects.

Ive seen that profile picture so many times its etched into my brain

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

i strongly feel that I'm a waste of oxygen and resources. and yk, chronic depression even if i have no reason to be upset.

 

[rkk3]

physical pain im always in pain

 

[endboss]

always suffering from insane noise in my head. completely broken and not fixable

 

[Lextyle]

I just don't see any value in life. I could be doing anything being happy learning solving challenges at the same time not seeing any value in it like a random movie popping on the screen of the television. I didn't choose the movie, I don't really like it and i just want to turn the television off. Also I hate having any type of desires. I always watched cartoons when I was a child and wanted to be like the characters that don't really have any desire for anything. But I see death as only way of removing all desires and fears. Only removing the subject is a solution. The problem is that things matter to me I have desires I have fears but at the same time I understand that they are fucking baseless desires and fears. Why did I pop into existence and suddenly all those arbitrary things started being important??

 

[BrokenByTheSystem]

always suffering from insane noise in my head. completely broken and not fixable

Do you have tinnitus?

 

[morina]

I have five main reasons, "ranked" by severity:
1) I don't have interests, nor passion. I actually got a few talents, but none of them interest me. Nor can I be interested in any other activity. It has been like that as long as I can remember. I can't have hobbies. Everything I do is just to distract myself from dark thoughts, not because I actually want to it. I can't even differentiate between work and leisure really, both are the same to me.
2) Being radically vegan and anti-speciesist in a non-vegan world is cruel. Whenever I see or think about any animal product, my mood darkens.
3) Constant fear and overthinking everything. When I am not distracted, my mind tortures me with hypothetical scenarios or bad things that happened in the past. Always.
4) Being trans. Probably obvious why that hurts.
5) Inability to make close friends, I can only get acquaintances. I have tried so much, for so long. But most of the people I thought were close friends ended up abusing me physically or emotionally.

 

[endboss]

Do you have tinnitus?

Yes :( and its getting worse every other week. I tried everything, I think. Now I am here. Do you also have it or know someone who does?

 

[Kanau_Nano]

1: Being transgender is a nightmare for me.
2: Severe anxiety. Hard to do anything.
3: All my other mental disorders. BPD Bipolar OCD Depression PTSD...
4: I wasted most of my life doing nothing except being pathetic.
5: Chronic pain
6: I'm pretty dumb
7: Guilt.
8: Many things in the world make me sick.
9: I don't feel normal and can't connect to almost everyone.
10: It's extremely difficult to get motivation for anything

That's some reasons

 

[3rdworldsadness]

- I'm from a 3rd world and I don't know where to go and country is going more shitty.

- childhood trauma, extreme neglect. I was raised on an abusive household. I have now cptsd and anxiety and I fear humans.

- my mom didn't aborted me only because of religion reasons, and I was always a rejected child.

- I genuinely hate people and everything is extremely exhausting.

- i struggle with my life, money, food and in general. I'm also dumb.

- I have no achievements, those all the time I just tried to survive, save myself from all the outcomes of circumstances.

 

[bakenohana]

1. existing itself is just genuinely torturous for me. everyday it feels like im forcing myself to stay alive by distracting myself enough to make it through the day. it's like im preventing a corpse from decomposing
2. i can't function as a normal member of society, even if i didn't ctb i would likely end up homeless when my parents die. i cant go outside, i dont know how to talk to people in real life, i dropped out of school, zero formal qualifications and have no interest in education or careers, the only reason i get by day by day is because of my parents being kind enough to let me stay with them
3. gender dysphoria and just being trans in general. I'll never get anywhere in my transition and if i do it'll be the bare fucking minimum years down the line, which first of all is something I'm not willing to wait for second of all I'll still be severely dysphoric even if i complete my physical transition and look indistinguishable from everyone else.
4. i simply just want to not exist. the idea of nothingness is a million times more comforting than the idea of dying of old age 60 years later. I don't care about humanity or anything really enough to stick around forever.
5. i was born without my permission, i have a right to end it as i wish, reason or not

 

[BrokenByTheSystem]

Yes :( and its getting worse every other week. I tried everything, I think. Now I am here. Do you also have it or know someone who does?

I have tinnitus since I'm 15yo, I'm 26yo now.

When it started it was a nightmare, I couldn't stop crying.

But it doesn't bother me anymore. I noticed that it gets louder the more you care about it and the more you pay attention to it.

In my case, if I just forget about it, it becomes just white noise and I don't even notice it anymore, unless I try to hear it.

Sleeping was tough the first days. I had to sleep using a fan on in the first days because the white noise of the fan helped me to not focus on the tinnitus too much. Also using earphones with some song for a while helped me to reduce the intensity of tinnitus a little for a moment.

I just got used to it, idk if it's the same case as yours.

Today I even forget I have tinnitus.

Back in the time there was an app with many good reviews called Hearing Guardian () that promised heal the tinnitus, I didn't even try it because I realized it was better to just ignore it. As soon as I learned how to ignore it, it didn't bother me anymore.

 

[stupid-reality]

I just don't see any value in life. I could be doing anything being happy learning solving challenges at the same time not seeing any value in it like a random movie popping on the screen of the television. I didn't choose the movie, I don't really like it and i just want to turn the television off. Also I hate having any type of desires. I always watched cartoons when I was a child and wanted to be like the characters that don't really have any desire for anything. But I see death as only way of removing all desires and fears. Only removing the subject is a solution. The problem is that things matter to me I have desires I have fears but at the same time I understand that they are fucking baseless desires and fears. Why did I pop into existence and suddenly all those arbitrary things started being important??

You are intersted in buddhism. Arent you?

 

[ravendrops]

convinced via disaster upon disaster of god's dislike of me