Tomorrow is my last day

[fluorine.uranium.99]

My roommate is out for the weekend. I will be alone.

I ordered 9600 mg propranolol and zofran (to not throw up the propranolol) and it came today. I have almost everything ready.

9600 mg propranolol is a very lethal amount. Far above the threashold. I almost died with 5000 mg.

I feel peace with this decision. I know it's what is right for me and it is what I want. But here and there I get a slight tinge of discomfort, and "this doesn't feel right". It's very microscopic. All of me wants to die, but a part of me wants to not want to die.

I feel happy that there will be no more pain. No more thoughts, feelings, sensations. I will finally be at peace.
But I feel sad for child me. He wasn't like this. He wasn't fucked in the head like I am now. He feared death. I yearn for it.

 

[Unknown21]

Love and peace to you, i hope everything goes well for you

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I hope you find relief from suffering

 

[nuva]

good luck.

 

[Malfunction]

I hope that you go peacefully.

Good luck to you friend.

 

[plzoffme]

"But I feel sad for child me. He wasn't like this. He wasn't fucked in the head like I am now. He feared death. I yearn for it." I feel the same way... Happy travels friend

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I don't want to be a party pooper and do want OP to find peace, but please reconsider. This method is unreliable.

Propranolol Hydrochloride oral LD50 is 466 mg/kg in rats.

https://cdn.pfizer.com/pfizercom/products/material_safety_data/WP00013.pdf

This means 146 * 160mg tablets of propranolol are needed for a 50kg person to achieve no more than 50% success rate.
In Japan (my country) only 10mg tablets are prescribed and the number of tablets is 2330.
It's also worth noting that failed attempts can cause organ damages as @quietwoods mentioned.
It doesn't look worth trying for me...

According to this, 9600mg does not reach the LD50 in rats. To expect the success rate exceeds 50%, 23300mg of the medication id needed if you weigh 50kg though the lethal amounts in rats or humans are different. And please pay attention to the meaning of "lethal amount." People will set it as the minimum amount of the substance that can cause death, because they don't want even single person to die. Actually you survived 5000mg of propanol. It's not the amount of the acceptably high lethality for us.
If you understand the risk of failed attempts (pain, physical damage, potential hospitalization, surgery costs) and still want to carry out your plan, I hope it will go well. If you feel like seeking better success rate, you need to find another method. Maybe tomorrow is not the day.

 

[Elsie]

I hope u will be happy and in peace in the other side

 

[fluorine.uranium.99]

I don't want to be a party pooper and do want OP to find peace, but please reconsider. This method is unreliable.

According to this, 9600mg does not reach the LD50 in rats. To expect the success rate exceeds 50%, 23300mg of the medication id needed if you weigh 50kg though the lethal amounts in rats or humans are different. And please pay attention to the meaning of "lethal amount." People will set it as the minimum amount of the substance that can cause death, because they don't want even single person to die. Actually you survived 5000mg of propanol. It's not the amount of the acceptably high lethality for us.
If you understand the risk of failed attempts (pain, physical damage, potential hospitalization, surgery costs) and still want to carry out your plan, I hope it will go well. If you feel like seeking better success rate, you need to find another method. Maybe tomorrow is not the day.

"though the lethal amounts in rats or humans are different." That's exactly right.

In humans, doses as low as 1.5 g have had reported fatal outcomes. >2 g is said to be the typical threshold for severe toxicity.

Also I did almost die from 5 g. I took 5 g and one hour later I was seizing, in respiratory failure, and severely bradycardic and hypotensive. I also aspirated on my own vomit during a seizure. They brought out the chaplain, and my mom told me the doctor said they weren't sure I'd make it. If I wasn't found after one hour, and I was alone for 3-6 more hours, I'd for sure been dead. I was in the ICU for 4 days and required a lot of life saving measures such as vasopressors, intubation, lipid emulsion therapy, and more.

Now doses as high as >8-10 g have been survived but that was with immediate, aggressive medical intervention. If I take 9600 mg or even 4000 mg and are alone for 24+ hours, I will die, and if I don't, I would be an extreme medical outlier

I'm also taking antiemetics to prevent vomiting undigested pills so I can absorb the full dose

I don't want to be a party pooper and do want OP to find peace, but please reconsider. This method is unreliable.

According to this, 9600mg does not reach the LD50 in rats. To expect the success rate exceeds 50%, 23300mg of the medication id needed if you weigh 50kg though the lethal amounts in rats or humans are different. And please pay attention to the meaning of "lethal amount." People will set it as the minimum amount of the substance that can cause death, because they don't want even single person to die. Actually you survived 5000mg of propanol. It's not the amount of the acceptably high lethality for us.
If you understand the risk of failed attempts (pain, physical damage, potential hospitalization, surgery costs) and still want to carry out your plan, I hope it will go well. If you feel like seeking better success rate, you need to find another method. Maybe tomorrow is not the day.

"though the lethal amounts in rats or humans are different." That's exactly right.

In humans, doses as low as 1.5 g have had reported fatal outcomes. >2 g is said to be the typical threshold for severe toxicity.

Also I did almost die from 5 g. I took 5 g and one hour later I was seizing, in respiratory failure, and severely bradycardic and hypotensive. I also aspirated on my own vomit during a seizure. They brought out the chaplain, and my mom told me the doctor said they weren't sure I'd make it. If I wasn't found after one hour, and I was alone for 3-6 more hours, I'd for sure been dead. I was in the ICU for 4 days and required a lot of life saving measures such as vasopressors, intubation, lipid emulsion therapy, and more.

Now doses as high as >8-10 g have been survived but that was with immediate, aggressive medical intervention. If I take 9600 mg or even 4000 mg and are alone for 24+ hours, I will die, and if I don't, I would be an extreme medical outlier

I'm also taking antiemetics to prevent vomiting undigested pills so I can absorb the full dose

if I don't update after taking the dose, I'm dead. I'm pretty sure I will be

"though the lethal amounts in rats or humans are different." That's exactly right.

In humans, doses as low as 1.5 g have had reported fatal outcomes. >2 g is said to be the typical threshold for severe toxicity.

Also I did almost die from 5 g. I took 5 g and one hour later I was seizing, in respiratory failure, and severely bradycardic and hypotensive. I also aspirated on my own vomit during a seizure. They brought out the chaplain, and my mom told me the doctor said they weren't sure I'd make it. If I wasn't found after one hour, and I was alone for 3-6 more hours, I'd for sure been dead. I was in the ICU for 4 days and required a lot of life saving measures such as vasopressors, intubation, lipid emulsion therapy, and more.

Now doses as high as >8-10 g have been survived but that was with immediate, aggressive medical intervention. If I take 9600 mg or even 4000 mg and are alone for 24+ hours, I will die, and if I don't, I would be an extreme medical outlier

I'm also taking antiemetics to prevent vomiting undigested pills so I can absorb the full dose


if I don't update after taking the dose, I'm dead. I'm pretty sure I will be

Idk if you can tell but I was a pre-med student who aspired to be an EM physician or toxicologist this stuff is my shit

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[Eriktf]

I hope you find peace
good luck