Venting Tired

[UntitledUser]

Nothing is helping me. I don't want to got but I don't wanna stay. I can't express how I feel with the people close to me. My friends are moving on, I'm not.Sometimes I envy them. They seem to have a nice and easy life, even when I know it's not. I can't hang out with them and they even not pretend that they want to. I would not bother to stay close to an messed up individual like me. They have a brighter future. I'm not.

I still regret how I did not finished successfully my last attempt. I don't know how to move on. How is it suppose I gotta live if my destiny is death? I want to end the pain that had haunted me for nearly two decades. I can't stand it anymore.

Nobody nor anything can make me to desist. I'm trying again. I will go this time.

Will they care? I don't. We all be forgotten in two centuries I will not chase pain anymore. I'm choosing to be free and I will. I will go forward with my will and die on this winter.

 

[leviant123]

Best of luck to you stranger, may you find peace in whatever you choose to do from this point

 

[Michelstaedter]

I don't pretend to be a therapist, but if you say you want to stay, at least give yourself time to think that other people can feel affection for you even if they don't express it or have their own problems and lives and don't seem to notice that a friend is suffering. I don't even have that right now, I don't have any friends and the one I sometimes go out with to play pool or have a beer also has problems, we don't talk much and we know we're screwed, but at least, and even if it's just him, I have to say that it's not that I feel sad because I'm not "important in his life," not to mention some girlfriend because I've never had one and that means I've never been important to a woman more than my mother and maybe my sister... I'm also tired and I've been disturbed for over two decades, but the last one has been from bad to worse for many reasons, since I graduated from university and I couldn't adapt to society because I've never worked either. If it weren't for my father, I would be homeless or something like that or I wouldn't have the comforts I have and I wouldn't even be writing here (I wouldn't have a PC or a cell phone and I would have already CTB).
What stops me from doing it (because I want to) is the pain and difficulty of doing it. It's not like I take a pill and Yahoo! CTB achieved it!
Sometimes a miracle like having powers or something that made my life or life more interesting and well if you say that we are going to be forgotten, for a long time I have had affection for those who committed CTB for some "not bad" reason (people like Epstein are not counted) and well I always keep in mind the people who suffer and feel the same as me, so if you say that nobody cares about you, well at least for me, someone who wants to commit CTB always makes me think that if I could I would help them in some way so they don't suffer, I don't know, I am very empathetic and it's not like I say "oh yeah, we all die", but for example, recently my sister told me about the sister of a former university classmate that such and such a girl has CTB and well, it made me feel sorry for her, but at least she doesn't suffer and just now there was news where a guy was killed at work for playing a joke on her... I think about situations like that and at least I say "they don't suffer in this shitty world anymore, I can't help them but I feel good that they don't suffer anymore"...

P.S. Dead or alive, I hope you don't suffer. That's my message. But if you're in doubt, keep in mind that maybe deep down, what you don't want is to suffer that discomfort in life.