AnonymousL

AnonymousL

Specialist
Apr 5, 2023
376
Im so tired of the constant battle in my head.

Some days I just wanna do it and plan everything and then the next day I want to do it again but then I think but what about my boyfriend or what about my sister or what about the summer that's coming...

I'm constantly fighting and fighting and fighting.
Trying to push these thoughts away.

Some days I just wanna do it so the battle stops.

It's been like this for years and years and years.
What's the point? This isn't a life that is worth living. If you're constantly fighting a battle ? I never known anything else. Is this gonna be it for the rest of my life until I die naturally or make the decision myself?
 
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UKscotty

Doesn't read PMs
May 20, 2021
2,450
I think most of us are in the same situation.

Until we actually CTB there is always hope of recovery and our minds know this.

Most humans intuitively know that if we really wanted to be gone, we could be dead literally 5 minutes from now with little more than a cord.

The physical act is easy but getting to the point mentally is something we can debate with for a very long time. For me it's about 25 years so far.
 
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dggtscccvfd

Mage
Jun 1, 2023
563
I think most of us are in the same situation.

Until we actually CTB there is always hope of recovery and our minds know this.

Most humans intuitively know that if we really wanted to be gone, we could be dead literally 5 minutes from now with little more than a cord.

The physical act is easy but getting to the point mentally is something we can debate with for a very long time. For me it's about 25 years so far.
You often say the physical act is easy. I for one disagree, I've no idea how I'd kill myself with a cord!
 
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UKscotty

Doesn't read PMs
May 20, 2021
2,450
You often say the physical act is easy. I for one disagree, I've no idea how I'd kill myself with a cord!
We have a 5000 thread long megathread, some very good posts on that one for sure.

I simply mean we have to separate being mentally ready and being physically ready for CTB. They are very different things.
 

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