Venting Tired of being an absolute wreck.

[vanadium23]

I don't even know where to start so I'll just rant I guess. I was a gifted kid and had really high expectations for myself and wanted to improve society (as in actual systemic change, not just becoming a doctor or whatever). At 11 I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and since then I've only gotten worse in other regards. Every few days I have to change out medical equipment and it's fucking traumatizing but there's no way for me to take a break. Over time my energy, concentration, and memory declined (I'm not intellectually impaired and I don't know if that's made the whole experience better or worse). I've gotten to the point where I spend most of the day in bed and am unable to work. For a long time I mostly ascribed it to laziness and then to depression but recently I figured out I have chronic fatigue. The prognosis is absolutely terrible – about 5% of people ever recover. It's terrifying to think if I don't ctb i could be stuck with the exact same fucking issues in, say, 50 years. I'm dependent on my family and we don't get along very well.

I don't know what else to say right now, might add to this later.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so much dread towards the future, it really is so horrible to think of all the suffering that potentially lies ahead and it must be so dreadful feeling trapped in that situation, it's cruel how people have to suffer like that. But anyway I wish you the best.