I’ve been on Tinder for over two years, Bumble and Hinge for almost one year, and Coffee Meets Bagel
I take back my statement that I've been on every dating site. I stopped at Tinder, I haven't even heard of those others. Also, I've never been on any site for religious people, kinks, or specific socio-economic status.
Uh-oh, I feel a frustrated, heart-wrenched rant coming on...
POF was just as bad as Tinder imo, but paid sites weren't much better. The sites where they do in-depth personality assessments and match you that way? I spent a lot of money for just a handful of matches. I'm apparently either very unique or uniquely undesirable to a lot of men, which actually was the same irl now that I think about it. My grandmother warned me when I was in grade school about being so opinionated and strong.
If it's any consolation, I was never one to get off on guys gathering around me like bees to a flower and competing for my attention, the couple times it happened I was weirded out. I don't want to be worshipped on a pedestal, I don't have good proprioception, nor do I want to be stepped on, I hate being squooshed, and it's sad but it seems to me from decades of experience that those are the two basic options for most people, just games of dominance and using someone to meet their needs, wishes, and/or convenience.
On a side note, I can't believe how many guys I met online who were shocked that I looked as good irl if not better. Like, if you can't be honest about what you look like before you even meet, what exactly are you hoping to accomplish? Don't anyone answer that please, I genuinely don't want to know. It's just one more human mindfuck that I don't know how to navigate and don't want to. I'm so sick of...people, or really, of social norms no matter the society.
OP, sorry to go off on a tangent. Seems to me in life that most everyone wants someone to fulfill their needs and their fantasies, and they either don't have the motivation or maybe just don't have a clue how to fulfill themselves with themselves, let alone find someone who also wants to make that effort,
and does so, and
then, is actually attracted to them. Just...fuck it all. If one has low standards, they're generally never satisfied, but can at least fool themselves into thinking they are, or fool their partner into believing they're genuinely motivated to satisfy them rather than using them. If one has high standards, the pool gets unbelievably small and everyone says, "Your standards are too high" or, nowadays, "Just give up unless you're a Chad" and draws graphs for you. Guess what? Most Chads are awful, and for some women, but not all women, just a means to a desired end, like Karendom. The only really good long-term relationships I've seen have been between people who had average socio-economic success, personalities that were neither too strong nor too weak, had some common interests and fun together and, respected each other and themselves, and, most of the time, didn't have kids. In other words, no extremes of success or failure, poverty or wealth, exuberance or depression, boredom or excitement.
Sincerely,
@Steamm, good luck, and I'm sorry for your suffering.
