Venting TIME IS GETTING CLOSER

[Unattainable666]

I'm ctb around Christmas time (a day before or after) not sure how long it will take me to drive to my destination (3 days I think). I've done something that I can't forgive myself for. This was my driving force to move forward with ctb. My best friend is gone and I'm so angry that he left without me. We promised we would go together - he's left me alone. I tried to ctb last weekend took a bunch of pills fuck cant even do that right. Imagine my disappointment when I woke up Sunday night. pathetic. Before I go Im going to tell my story. I just want one person just one to get where Im coming from - I know it really doesn;t matter but it does to me. Why did I do what I did? It's brought everything my mother told me to the forefront of my existence. You're stupid, you're ugly, you're worthless and best of all you'll never find anyone to love you. She hit the nail on the head with that one. lol I really have nothing left to give. I now trust no one. I just don't give a shit. Just so long as I have enough money to be cremated is my main concern. Fuck bills, fuck being a good person. And lastly fuck me because I hate myself so much I can't stand to breathe.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I doubt this recent event was your fault at all. It sounds like you opened up your heart to someone who wasn't worth it. I've known other beautiful people to do that too and get hurt. It isn't because you are ugly or any of those things. It doesn't necessarily mean they were a bad person either. But for whatever reason- they weren't ready or willing to commit what you were. That's what I get the impression of anyhow. And sorry but your mother was a monster for saying all that stuff. That's utterly cruel.

Plus, it's not pathetic to fail CTB. More people fail than succeed it seems. It's deliberately made difficult for us to do.

I'm so sad that life and people have been so cruel to you. I think in fact the vast majority of people at least here would feel sympathy for your situation.

 

[Unattainable666]

I doubt this recent event was your fault at all. It sounds like you opened up your heart to someone who wasn't worth it. I've known other beautiful people to do that too and get hurt. It isn't because you are ugly or any of those things. It doesn't necessarily mean they were a bad person either. But for whatever reason- they weren't ready or willing to commit what you were. That's what I get the impression of anyhow. And sorry but your mother was a monster for saying all that stuff. That's utterly cruel.

Plus, it's not pathetic to fail CTB. More people fail than succeed it seems. It's deliberately made difficult for us to do.

I'm so sad that life and people have been so cruel to you. I think in fact the vast majority of people at least here would feel sympathy for your situation.

Thank you for your kind words.