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IWishToDie

IWishToDie

I check notifications once per week
Dec 31, 2023
480
I hate waking up, for the obvious reasons that we all share. The pain begins again. The dark thoughts, having to look in the mirror, having to feed oneself and move away from comfort. For me it's mental and physical pain but there's another, sexual pain. I really miss f*cking, it's been almost 4 years since my girlfriend left and I am not in the position to be meeting new people. It's not even me, it's my biology. I don't need sex, my body does. I can't stand watching p0rn, I just feel so disgusted. I won't have anything like that, probably ever again. I think, my love is out there somewhere doing this with people that are not me. I just want to blow a hole in my head, having a c*ck is torture, absolute torture. Horny and suicidal at the same time is a crazy thing. I am tempted to try SSRIs again just to nuke my sex drive, I went 6 months without getting off last year. Just irritated as hell. At least I've been saying "I will drink the drink", instead of making gun-fingers and pretending to shoot myself when the thoughts arise - I feel this is better conditioning for when the time comes to indulge in a glass of SN or two.
 
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Reactions: mizu23, Tokugawa_Yoshinobu and edu0z
divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Angelic
Jan 1, 2024
4,403
Paxil is a good ssri to nuke your sex drive
 
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Reactions: edu0z
BlazingBob

BlazingBob

Wizard
Oct 28, 2021
608
I can completely relate. Luckily one of the medications I take diminishes my sex drive a lot but there are still moments when I crave sex. Unfortunately I'm not in the position to meet anyone and will probably never have anything like that ever again either. Thank you for your post. You articulated it much better than I ever could. I totally understand especially the part about waking up. I dread facing another day. I never ever thought my life could get this bad and it will only get worse if I don't intervene and put a stop to it.
 
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Reactions: edu0z
leavingthesoultrap

leavingthesoultrap

(ᴗ_ ᴗ。)
Nov 25, 2023
1,212
I used to be horny af in my early twenties. Was never promiscuous tho only one partner at time and he had lower drive than me. And yes it is torture. I couldn't even finish college because of intrusive thoughts.
 

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