IWishToDie
I check notifications once per week
- Dec 31, 2023
- 480
I hate waking up, for the obvious reasons that we all share. The pain begins again. The dark thoughts, having to look in the mirror, having to feed oneself and move away from comfort. For me it's mental and physical pain but there's another, sexual pain. I really miss f*cking, it's been almost 4 years since my girlfriend left and I am not in the position to be meeting new people. It's not even me, it's my biology. I don't need sex, my body does. I can't stand watching p0rn, I just feel so disgusted. I won't have anything like that, probably ever again. I think, my love is out there somewhere doing this with people that are not me. I just want to blow a hole in my head, having a c*ck is torture, absolute torture. Horny and suicidal at the same time is a crazy thing. I am tempted to try SSRIs again just to nuke my sex drive, I went 6 months without getting off last year. Just irritated as hell. At least I've been saying "I will drink the drink", instead of making gun-fingers and pretending to shoot myself when the thoughts arise - I feel this is better conditioning for when the time comes to indulge in a glass of SN or two.
