Thoughts on my life and death

[Dosentmatter903]

It's wierd man...honestly I don't want to die but also knowing that I'm about to do so brings me some peace of mind for some reason...this isn't something I can talk to anyone about so I guess I'll share some of my thoughts here...my original plan was to blow my brains out with a a pistol but for some wierd reason I believe that the way you decide to end it might have some spiritual effect if there even is an after life. Call me superstitious, but it's just how I feel.idk why but I feel like the more peacefull u go will make for a better afterlife even if you are commiting suicide. So from that frame of mind I decided to research cyanide(thought it was painless) and eventually I ended up here and decided to go with SN. I just placed an order last night and I'm hoping it comes in soon. Not going to lie though I do have worries about this method as well...one thing I would fuckin hate is to not only have a slow death, but what if you can feel everything while it happens, kinda like those stories you hear when people are supposed to be under anesthesia, but they are totally awake and aware. How shitty would that be?...so then I'm honestly kinda just thinking of ordering the cyanide as well so I have the choice. And yes I know it's painfull wich conflicts what I just mentioned about dying peacefully , but I figure it's quick and how long could the pain really last rite? I figure I've broken bones before how much worse than that can it hurt? Honestly I was going to just "pull a Hitler" and take the cyanide and cap myself that way even if the bullet doesn't do it right away the poison is there to finish the job...thinking about my family breaks my fuckin heart but i also can't help but wonder how much better off they and everyone would be if I just wasn't here...in the words of doug stanhope "life isn't for everybody"....shits crazy man...welp, those are some of my thoughts, and it's been bugging me that I can't talk to anyone about this ,so this kinda makes me feel a bit better getting this off my chest...if anyone had any helpful info about spirituality and the after life I'd like to hear you out...I'm not religious per say but u do have a strong belief there is a God out there, and unlike most people I don't believe ending your life means youre dammed...like the monks that burned themselves or or the other good people who felt they just had to do so I believe they are still in God's good grace

 

[anywhere_else]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. "Doing a hitler" definitely isn't a phrase I'm used to seeing but I get what you mean!

I have no pearls of wisdom on the afterlife because I truly believe there isn't one. But none of us can know. Dying can be scary, but I've made peace with it. It wasn't scary, or lonely, or infinite blackness before I was born. So there's no reason to think it'll be any different when I die. I guess that's how I look at it.

I hope you find your peace too, and I'm always here to listen. Well, not always. Two weeks most likely but you get what I mean.

 

[Dosentmatter903]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. "Doing a hitler" definitely isn't a phrase I'm used to seeing but I get what you mean!

I have no pearls of wisdom on the afterlife because I truly believe there isn't one. But none of us can know. Dying can be scary, but I've made peace with it. It wasn't scary, or lonely, or infinite blackness before I was born. So there's no reason to think it'll be any different when I die. I guess that's how I look at it.

I hope you find your peace too, and I'm always here to listen. Well, not always. Two weeks most likely but you get what I mean.

Thank you. And I feel u, sometimes I wish I didn't believe theres anything after this either but, so much wierd shit has happened throughout my life( good and bad) for me not to believe. Lol yea "pulling a Hitler" is a phrase I came up with for the way I was thinking of going out (still considering it kind of) so you're almost out this bit h too huh? I was hoping the SN came in 2 weeks or so but with what everyone sais on the thread I read idk if itl even come thru

 

[locked*n*loaded]

and like most people I don't believe ending your life means youre dammed

I certainly take everything in the bible with a grain of salt, to say the least, but it seems to me that jesus actually committed a form of suicide - suicide by cop. He had to have known what his actions would get him - look at who is father was. How could he not have known?

 

[whitherrvbound]

Yeah that last quote resonates with most of us. Its fucking random and pointless. But thats the catch. If you knew there was something meaning full and a cosmic scenario is at play you wouldnt really try, philosophical frame aside,thats how our chemical rewarding system works so it applies nearly everywhere. And emphasizing on 'knew' part, to know is absolute but to believe even for the staunch believers they left 0.000001 percent margin of error. A lil example for this argument is mass cult suicides such as heavens gate which is exactly what i talk about. Or jihad in islam basically wage war against nonbelievers and while doing that dying in the way of Allah you get free heaven pass,know those stereotypical scraggly bearded suicide bombers, they think they are about to reach heaven too, a shortcut. Or 'leaving the worldly desires' fellas the more they feel connected to some higher being the more content they are. Is this just life or extensive existence i dont know but im about to see or not.

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree that existing isn't for everyone, but I could never believe in any kind of afterlife, I just believe that we simply cease existing after we finally exit this world, death finally erases everything for us, existence really is so impermanent especially in comparison to the vast eternity of death. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans, to me SN doesn't sound that awful, just a bit unpleasant from what I'm aware, to me it sounds preferable to many of the other methods.

 

[Letgo]

I hope you find peace and rest whatever your decision may be. Keeping you in my thoughts.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Well, at least you've found some peace. That's important. I WANT to die. I'm just done with struggling with life. So, we kind of differ there. We're similar in that both of us seem to have made peace with our situations. I'm okay with leaving this world. I'm using a pistol, but I'm not as superstitious, I guess. I AM resisting vices that used to hold me so that I can leave on a higher vibration. Other than that, I'm not worried about the method. I wish you more clarity and peace. If you decide on going through with it, I wish you a peaceful, relatively painless transition. Good luck to you.