thought today was the day

[ArchmagePrincess]

So I made a pretty stupid mistake. I knew it was dumb and incredibly risky to do but I didn't want to feel so alone before I died and ended up sharing my thoughts and feelings with a friend I thought I could trust. Didn't even tell them plans or anything just that, philosophically, I thought CTB was okay and that I was considering it. There's no paper trail of the conversation it was all verbal so I might be able to just say they're making it up to the boys in blue. So hooray now I'm being threatened with the very real possibility of being forcibly drugged, bound, and put into medical debt, all very helpful thank you.

I know it was dumb, I just felt like I wanted to just connect with someone even in a small way before I died, which I think is a natural human desire. But with the way our society views attempting to CTB it was foolish to try and be human, and I think that's profoundly sad. At least now I was reminded, the hard way, why I'll have to feel alone when I CTB.

 

[Felix007]

Sorry to hear that! But yeah ive made the same mistake in the past with peopl close to me, so when i do this time it'll come as a surprise…

 

[Judy Garland]

I too have done the same thing. I told my family that I was close to the brink of death and I told them I had poison to do it with. My cousin just made me promise to call her before I do anything. They didn't threaten me with hospitals or anything like that, so I am fortunate in that respect. It kind of felt good to open up and be honest of where I'm at in life. It just makes it a little harder when I do decide to die because I can't keep that promise I made.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do hate the way in which suicide is viewed in this world by many people. Trying to force people to live against their wishes is only prolonging suffering anyway. Suicide really shouldn't be so stigmatised and should be respected as a personal choice. If other people want to live then that is up to them, but that doesn't mean that they should force their beliefs on others. But yes it certainly is a bad idea telling others about our plans to die, as that could only make things worse, but your feelings of wanting to tell someone else are understandable. If only we lived in a world where we could tell others about our plans in advance without the fear of them interfering in some way.

 

[makethepainstop]

So I made a pretty stupid mistake. I knew it was dumb and incredibly risky to do but I didn't want to feel so alone before I died and ended up sharing my thoughts and feelings with a friend I thought I could trust. Didn't even tell them plans or anything just that, philosophically, I thought CTB was okay and that I was considering it. There's no paper trail of the conversation it was all verbal so I might be able to just say they're making it up to the boys in blue. So hooray now I'm being threatened with the very real possibility of being forcibly drugged, bound, and put into medical debt, all very helpful thank you.

I know it was dumb, I just felt like I wanted to just connect with someone even in a small way before I died, which I think is a natural human desire. But with the way our society views attempting to CTB it was foolish to try and be human, and I think that's profoundly sad. At least now I was reminded, the hard way, why I'll have to feel alone when I CTB.

As I have said several times here, the X-FILES had it right. "Trust no one." Even more so when your thinking of ctb.

 

[SarRy]

We all die alone for we each must die our own deaths.

It's sad that truth and honesty aren't accepted. The more you look at it, it seems like the world runs on lies. They lie to be happy. They lie to be normal. Yeah, so many of us are punished with social exclusion throughout our lives. It's sad that even when you need it the most, people just aren't there.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess I'm just trying to say that that's a bad situation. I'm sorry it has to be this way. I wish it could be better for you.

 

[makethepainstop]

We all die alone for we each must die our own deaths.

It's sad that truth and honesty aren't accepted. The more you look at it, it seems like the world runs on lies. They lie to be happy. They lie to be normal. Yeah, so many of us are punished with social exclusion throughout our lives. It's sad that even when you need it the most, people just aren't there.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess I'm just trying to say that that's a bad situation. I'm sorry it has to be this way. I wish it could be better for you.

Now there is a nugget of wisdom in crystal clarity. The world runs on lies! Someone give this person the Nobel prize for truth telling!

 

[ksp]

…I know it was dumb…

it'd not dumb; like you said - some people don't want to feel alone before dying

the hardest part is to know who to trust:
- i know i trust people on this site, and i won't be judged by them
- if you need to talk to someone in real life, it can be difficult
- try to read the person by approaching the difficult subject of death, casually

this will tell you if they're uncomfortable or not; are they open minded or rigid
(drop it, if you think it's inappropriate)

if they are flexible and comfortable abut the subject, you'll know if they might support you
you could continue be keeping the subject more philosophical, like you did
read their reaction if you make it more specific:
- what do you think about assisted suicide ?
- what would you think if i told you that i'm thinking about going to switzerland?
they might say 'you may not have enough money for it', or 'it's too far', etc
if you have all the green lights, you could jump to the main point: 'i really want to die'

this would go for anyone: parents, siblings, friends, etc

in your approach you made a very good step:

There's no paper trail of the conversation it was all verbal…

but with my previous suggestion you might avoid going to that point

—-

what's done, it's done, so you have some options
first off, i don't think you'll be taken to the psych ward, based on simple conversation (i don't know for sure)
but if you get into big trouble:
- make appear as a misunderstanding (a simple philosophical discussion, taken the wrong way)
- deny that you were considering it (!)
- deny everything - i'm fine, thank you very much!

—-

I think that's profoundly sad

agreed; it's extremely sad…

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

So I made a pretty stupid mistake. I knew it was dumb and incredibly risky to do but I didn't want to feel so alone before I died and ended up sharing my thoughts and feelings with a friend I thought I could trust. Didn't even tell them plans or anything just that, philosophically, I thought CTB was okay and that I was considering it. There's no paper trail of the conversation it was all verbal so I might be able to just say they're making it up to the boys in blue. So hooray now I'm being threatened with the very real possibility of being forcibly drugged, bound, and put into medical debt, all very helpful thank you.

I know it was dumb, I just felt like I wanted to just connect with someone even in a small way before I died, which I think is a natural human desire. But with the way our society views attempting to CTB it was foolish to try and be human, and I think that's profoundly sad. At least now I was reminded, the hard way, why I'll have to feel alone when I CTB.

Update: Was stressful as hell being questioned by cops but thankfully the lack of paper trail allowed me to deny everything super easily and claim they were just overreacting because their mental health wasn't good either. So at least for now I'm not being dragged to the mental hospital, thank fucking christ, but my friend is now keeping tabs on me pretty heavily cause they're concerned. I know they mean well in their head, but it just feels like an obnoxious violation of my privacy and free will at this point. Thanks everyone for your wisdom and sympathy. Will have to wait for things to cool down before I can pull the nitrogen out of my closet, thankfully as far as I'm aware it will last a while in there.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry that happened. I have made the very same miscalculation before with terrible results. I'm glad you were able to diffuse the situation. You're not stupid for wanting to share something like this. It's sad that this happened. Your friend can say they had your vest interests at heart (as if you don't get to decide what those are) but they still failes to recognize the huge trust you were placing in them and now have effectively blocked any future communication of this depth you would be willing to have with them in the future.