I actually was so stupid I thought hey, maybe I won't kill myself. Fucking idiot, dear lord. I got a guitar, been making hella good progress too, actually starting to get it, I thought MAYBE this could be something that keeps me alive, something that distracts me from everything wrong with me, everything leading me to my death, but no, it's just a distraction. A good one, it'll probably keep me alive for a bit longer than otherwise, hell maybe I could stay for another year or two (doubt it, we'll see how it goes) but yeah, suicide will still be the end to my story. Which is fine, at least I got a story, and if I want it to end a little earlier than others what the fuck is the problem? It's how I should end, so there we go. I even thought this new person I'm talking to could save me (not her, just that I'm talking to someone) but no, it doesn't erase the rest. This'll never leave me, it'll always be here underneath it all. Maybe I can do something good or meaningful, or even just cool before I go. Maybe…
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