Discussion Those of you with a reason to still be here, what is it?

[Kobusu]

I recently came closest to another attempt a little over a month ago, but I couldn't do it because I remembered I'm taking care of my cat now. He's 14 and he's old and I don't want him to spend his last years wondering where I went. We grew up together, I can't leave him like that. Do you guys have something keeping you here? Is it just circumstances like not having the time/money for your plan? Or is there something else?

Also a quick aside, newer members are encouraged to reply!!! I love hearing from people who've just recently joined us!

 

[BlazingBob]

Exactly the same except I have dogs. I also don't want them wondering where I went but with constant abuse I endure and my deteriorating health I'm hanging on by a thread and could snap at any given moment.

 

[Kobusu]

Exactly the same except I have dogs. I also don't want them wondering where I went but with constant abuse I endure and my deteriorating health I'm hanging on by a thread and could snap at any given moment.

I know they appreciate your love. Life is hard, I hope it doesn't stay such for you.

 

[sadlyexisting]

Probably my dog, I just can't leave her here alone. I mean, my parents can still take care of her, but she matters way too much to me. But also the fear of hurting other people, like my parents or someone else. It's just way too hard to find the right time to go.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm only still here as after all it's very difficult to permanently escape from all suffering. This is because we exist in a world where there is a lack of acceptance towards the right to die.

 

[vitbar]

For one I am still trying different kinds of treatment.

Recently I isolated myself from my family due to depression. Felt closer to suicide than ever before. Since then I changed meds and felt a little more hope. Started speaking with my family more. It really dawned on me what it would do to them. I don't think I have it in me to hurt them like that. Maybe with time if the treatment doesn't work, but not soon.

 

[Chunchi]

The last string keeping me from cbt is my gf

 

[Mx_Pathetic]

As I child Ive always loved animals, so my parents allowed me to get pets. Don't get me wrong I love my family and friends but they can live without me after awhile yknow. But my Turtle, lizard and dog...I adopted them and promised them all an amazing life and I'll continue to do so until they all pass. Then I'll ctb. My dog I got about a year ago and I didn't have ctb in mind when buying a dog if I did I probably would of ctb sooner. Since dogs last for 15 years I'll be holding on in everyway I can for them..no matter how hard it is. Plus they make me happy

 

[deomlez]

My mother still alive.

 

[ItsMeBlank]

It's the fear I developed after failing my 2 attempts.

 

[surewhynot]

It's the fear I developed after failing my 2 attempts.

What were your methods?

 

[AvoidingMyself]

Hanging is the only method available to me that I'm willing to try, but the consequences of failure are immense. I guess fear is the only reason I'm still here

 

[meaninglesslytrying]

i understand. i've had 3 attempts and after the fact i realized how much i was hurting my mom. nowadays the funniest part is i'm living for someone who couldn't care less for me. i know relationships are weird and maybe i'm not trying enough to understand him well enough. he openly expresses to me how he despises me and how he's waiting for his feelings to come back for me. i know i've never done shiy right but it's so hard when i feel like i'm trying my hardest with everything and i'm still less than enough. i work mon-friday 11-8. i cook when i can. i do all the laundry and cleaning. i don't want to try and make myself seem perfect whatsoever i know that there's so many things i need to work on but it's getting to the point where it's almost like my goal is to do everything right for him so he'll love me again then ctb. it's fucked up but i want him to see me as a human an apprentice my existence and i feel like it's the only way i can

 

[anonymoss]

I recently came closest to another attempt a little over a month ago, but I couldn't do it because I remembered I'm taking care of my cat now. He's 14 and he's old and I don't want him to spend his last years wondering where I went. We grew up together, I can't leave him like that. Do you guys have something keeping you here? Is it just circumstances like not having the time/money for your plan? Or is there something else?

Also a quick aside, newer members are encouraged to reply!!! I love hearing from people who've just recently joined us!

The fact that I want to get married, it's always been a dream of mine

 

[Aisley]

I'm raising my kid. Over half way done.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

I only have SN which is not a nice way to die at all. I'd much prefer heroin or morphine or something like that. Also, even though my relationship is pretty shit, I don't think I could do it to my gf. I don't want her finding my body or having to deal with my death while we're together. Death is just so fucking messy. I'd be inflicting pain on quite a lot of people, I just cant really stomach it. But don't get me wrong, I'd fucking live to just be gone. I just dont have the motivation or will power to go through with it. I'm trapped in this shithole

 

[Jolene79]

Exactly the same except I have dogs. I also don't want them wondering where I went but with constant abuse I endure and my deteriorating health I'm hanging on by a thread and could snap at any given moment.

Hi Bob, I was curious what your neurological condition was? I appreciate you may not want to talk about it. I have some awful sensory and autonomic utonomic neuropathy tearing through me. It's indescribable and has destroyed my life. It goes way beyond just pain symptoms.
I can't believe you are also suffering at the hands of an abuser whilst dealing with that. I feel so vulnerable myself. If you need help in any way you are so vulnerable to others. I hate that. That alone is enough to drive me to jump in front of something

 

[yaldabaoth]

Honestly just my boyfriend really. I feel like he'd be devastated and the thought of leaving him here just feels shitty. It's usually the biggest obstacle to me attempting to ctb again. Sometimes I feel like he'll get over it but other times I feel like it's going to traumatize him for life and make him go down a dark path :/

 

[ctb★prince]

I recently came closest to another attempt a little over a month ago, but I couldn't do it because I remembered I'm taking care of my cat now. He's 14 and he's old and I don't want him to spend his last years wondering where I went. We grew up together, I can't leave him like that. Do you guys have something keeping you here? Is it just circumstances like not having the time/money for your plan? Or is there something else?

Also a quick aside, newer members are encouraged to reply!!! I love hearing from people who've just recently joined us!

for me its kind of the oposite, around two years ago i got a little kitty and i want to raise him the best i can, i promised to my previous cat to go when she goes, but i stayed, and got this new opportunity instead, too bad my parents are making it imposible for me to take care of it, im thinking of getting a different pet, one that will finally be my own, id love to have a rat, but id have to keep it in secret, which sucks because if im going to get one i wont let it live in a small cage or anything, ive also thought of snails but i dont know how to properly take care of those and im scared of doing something wrong, i guess that my biggest reason is animals, i love being around them, i dont want to ever stop being around them

 

[Danique]

For many years it was my cat. By the time he died I had my first actual relationship/contact with another human being and I couldn;t hurt him by commiting suicide (especially because he also had a hard life). He broke up with me a months ago and now I'm not sure.

There's a outside chance that I might get transgender care after all and if that's possible I would probably want to wait till I'm more complete (after GRS), but I know that my dysphoria will never go away (I have already been on DIY HRT for 2.5 yrs and FFS is not an option for financial reasons)

 

[Cherry_BB]

My cat 100%. If she wasn't here i'd be long gone. When she passes, I'll send my final goodbye here.

 

[ItsMeBlank]

What were your methods?

1st was poison second was jumping off of a building

 

[AriasRed]

I want to live as a man before I die, but for this I will need to transition and it's a slow process. I'm also doing some other minor body modifications to feel like I own my body.

 

[Danique]

I want to live as a man before I die, but for this I will need to transition and it's a slow process. I'm also doing some other minor body modifications to feel like I own my body.

I can relate.

I used to want to transition to be able to live as a woman.

Now I want to transition to be able to die as a woman.

 

[AriasRed]

I can relate.

I used to want to transition to be able to live as a woman.

Now I want to transition to be able to die as a woman.

Not gonna lie, I fear that I will end up by CTB anyway after transitioning. Yet, it sounds better than dying without existing. My goals are going well as planned so far.

 

[alonely]

My SI has been desperately trying to find a reason and not finding anything. I think the only thing keeping me here right now is not having my method. It would be easy for me to go get my items too, if i could just get the energy to leave my home to go buy things...

 

[daft]

My friend's brother died recently, and I can't bring myself to hurt them again, so soon afterwards. Even though I'm permanently in pain and just want to give up.

 

[277]

I'm selfish and cowardly and just fundamentally a bad person

 

[sometimes.sometimes]

I am scared that if I were to attempt again, I will fail and get sent back to the same hospital that abused me.

 

[curiousbeing]

Probably my dog, I just can't leave her here alone. I mean, my parents can still take care of her, but she matters way too much to me. But also the fear of hurting other people, like my parents or someone else. It's just way too hard to find the right time to go.

Me too.... I relate 1000% to this. But I am also getting more and more tired

Probably my dog, I just can't leave her here alone. I mean, my parents can still take care of her, but she matters way too much to me. But also the fear of hurting other people, like my parents or someone else. It's just way too hard to find the right time to go.

What is it that makes your dog special for you? For me, innocence and playfulness of my dog. The memories we made

As I child Ive always loved animals, so my parents allowed me to get pets. Don't get me wrong I love my family and friends but they can live without me after awhile yknow. But my Turtle, lizard and dog...I adopted them and promised them all an amazing life and I'll continue to do so until they all pass. Then I'll ctb. My dog I got about a year ago and I didn't have ctb in mind when buying a dog if I did I probably would of ctb sooner. Since dogs last for 15 years I'll be holding on in everyway I can for them..no matter how hard it is. Plus they make me happy

I also had turtles. They were amazing. I miss them so much.