Venting this whole living thing clearly isn't for me

[mafulie]

i was diagnosed with bpd and had several psychiatric visits, stays/ confinement, dbt sessions (that dont seem to be working), and a bunch of hospital visits for attempts and my very bad self harm problems.

im getting really tired of living like this. i never asked for this. i certainly never asked for the countless trauma ive had from different people in my life that probably helped contribute to why my bpd is really bad.

you're telling me THEY get to inflict the harm. THEY get to inflict the trauma inducing shit they made me go through. THEY get to absolutely toy and manipulate my fucking emotions all the time. AND IM THE ONE EXPECTED TO PICK MYSELF UP???!!!!

so you're telling me, they kick you down until you're kissing the pavement. AND YOU'RE MEANT TO PICK YOURSELF UP??? because what? if you dont then it's YOUR fault?

LIFE HAS ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS EVERY SINGLE TIME. I'm so fucking tired of mending damages people have inflicted to me. I'm so tired of being expected to fix myself when im not the one who caused these shit in the first place. if this is how life is normally. i don't want any part of it. goodbye.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

They're saying that to you because the people that harmed you aren't capable of fixing it, only you are capable of it. This world is really unfair. I'm sorry it's so tiring. I hope you get your rest.