This time of year sucks

[darkenmydoorstep]

I loathe this time of year. Fucking loathe it.
I have to spend time with my 'family' and I absolutely hate doing that.

I have such anxiety over it. Feel so hemmed in. Had managed to go a few weeks without feeling the need to post on here but it all just overwhelms me and I want out. Then I realise I can't have 'out' with any concrete guarantee or without pain and so I loathe it all even more. Despise that I live in a country where animals can be euthanised but not people. How messed up is that? Start wanting to play the lottery on the off chance I can win and buy me a hit man to take myself out.

This time of year makes me so claustrophobic and lonely. I'm happy for other people but hate what Christmas and the school holidays means for me personally.

 

[TotallyNotWielkiM]

I feel you, I also always hated Christmas at my family. I always felt like unneeded extra in the background that nobody cared about.
I'm really glad though that I cut ties with them. I'll be spending this Christmas alone, with my cat, probably playing Tarkov until very late.

Maybe I'll go for a walk in the evening, when there will be little to none people outside, buy a pack of smokes and just wander around for a while. Maybe I'll go to a nearby bridge that's over railway tracks and maybe I'll jump off, hehe. Who know, but even thinking about spending my Christmas this way makes me 100% happier than if I had to spend them with my family.

 

[hopeless08]

I loathe this time of year. Fucking loathe it.
I have to spend time with my 'family' and I absolutely hate doing that.

I have such anxiety over it. Feel so hemmed in. Had managed to go a few weeks without feeling the need to post on here but it all just overwhelms me and I want out. Then I realise I can't have 'out' with any concrete guarantee or without pain and so I loathe it all even more. Despise that I live in a country where animals can be euthanised but not people. How messed up is that? Start wanting to play the lottery on the off chance I can win and buy me a hit man to take myself out.

This time of year makes me so claustrophobic and lonely. I'm happy for other people but hate what Christmas and the school holidays means for me personally.

I feel the same way. I hate the holidays because it's this joyous time for everybody, you see people so happy and cheerful but to me personally, not that I have anything against them but it makes me hurt even more and angers me thinking why can't I be like that.
And having to pretend in front of people and concealing your pain is horrible.

 

[FuneralCry]

Where I live is also so incredibly anti-suicide, I find it so horrible how we cannot just have the option of a guaranteed, peaceful exit to permanently escape from all the suffering. But anyway I wish you the best, it's certainly very much understandable just wanting to be gone.

 

[Ash’Girl]

I think that, even though we can and do struggle all year round, this time of year always highlights even more the struggles of loneliness, depression, disconnect from the world.

It's just that the majority of people seem so happy, excited, hopeful, celebrating - and knowing the world is in default "happy holidays" mode just makes those of us who can't find our way to feeling happy, or are alone, or who feel obligated to be around people who we would rather not be around whilst plastering on a fake smile - feel more alien and alone than ever.

It's not the "most wonderful time" of the year for a lot of people.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Where I live is also so incredibly anti-suicide, I find it so horrible how we cannot just have the option of a guaranteed, peaceful exit to permanently escape from all the suffering. But anyway I wish you the best, it's certainly very much understandable just wanting to be gone.

Thank you. To you too xx

I feel you, I also always hated Christmas at my family. I always felt like unneeded extra in the background that nobody cared about.
I'm really glad though that I cut ties with them. I'll be spending this Christmas alone, with my cat, probably playing Tarkov until very late.

Maybe I'll go for a walk in the evening, when there will be little to none people outside, buy a pack of smokes and just wander around for a while. Maybe I'll go to a nearby bridge that's over railway tracks and maybe I'll jump off, hehe. Who know, but even thinking about spending my Christmas this way makes me 100% happier than if I had to spend them with my family.

Yes. I hate the disruption to my routine. Hope it's peaceful for you anyway, in a good way whatever xx

 

[Dot]

Christmas/New Year/Winter Holidays Check-In Megathread

I had my birthday few days before Christmas and my mom genuinely wished me something which I know can't be fulfilled. It made me feel bad, well, it made me cry when I went to sleep. But right now I feel kinda ok, I pass the time between holidays by playing video games which I bought few months ago.

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I think that, even though we can and do struggle all year round, this time of year always highlights even more the struggles of loneliness, depression, disconnect from the world.

It's just that the majority of people seem so happy, excited, hopeful, celebrating - and knowing the world is in default "happy holidays" mode just makes those of us who can't find our way to feeling happy, or are alone, or who feel obligated to be around people who we would rather not be around whilst plastering on a fake smile - feel more alien and alone than ever.

It's not the "most wonderful time" of the year for a lot of people.

I could happily scrap Christmas. I'm a grinch.
Yes it compounds it all.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

@darkenmydoorstep how about telling your family you won't be coming over?

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

They live with me so I can't

 

[until death]

I hate Christmas

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I

I hate Christmas

It's shit