whocares?
Member
- Nov 9, 2025
- 14
( Tw: incestuous SA)
It feels wrong to accuse my mom of treating me badly. No, she does loves me ( I'm not sure, but when I come out as part of the LGBTQ, she just turn irritated and cold towards me), I feel like she only love the illusions that she puts on me. Whenever I do things that are against her illusions, she says " I'm going to die soon", " i give up", " i have no reasons to live now" or turn dramatic. For many times, when I dont do chores or when she having too much things to do and I bother her, she says " Without me, I'm wondering where this family will go", "This family will become beggars without me". Even when I was sick, she just be like " Without me, how can this family survive?" When I was younger, I told her how bad my school days went, and she got angry and yelled " I'm not a trash can for you to dump this", but whenever she is mad at the responsibility, or me, or her husband, she just dump it all on me. I think that is quite understandable, and I deserve that, because she has too much work to do, and I'm a lazy ass. But I cant stay around her, I just feel suffocated.
Im not sure whether she loves me or not, this is confusing. She controls everything, even something simple as the haircut, without my consent. I feel so mad when she still loves her husband who SA'd me, he also cheated for 6 years, I think I'm kinda childish.
I dont understand, parts of me wanted to hate her, but another parts feel guilty for doing that. She is caring, loves me unconditionally, do all things for me. I dont understand. I really need your advices, it is all so weird.
About the husband, he also shows signs of love and dedication, but he cheated, and he SA'd me, multiple times when I was young. He keeps making sexual jokes/ teasing/ remarks/ comments when I was young. I'm also wondering whether he loves me or not. People around me says that he loves me, despite what he has done?
He and she touched me *there* as a joke. Back then, I didn't know that this was weird, I felt alittle wrong, but decided to go along with the joke.
THIS IS THE PART I STILL BLAME MYSELF NOW, ROAST ME IF YOU WANT:
I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY TF DIDNT I KNOW IT THEN, I DO THAT TO THEM AS A JOKE AS WELL. KILL ME, ROAST ME, GUT ME IF YOU WANT, I DESERVE TO DIE ANYWAY.
he once let me touch "it" because I was curious and begging
I hate myself, why didn't I know about this ? I feel so disgusted when this happened, why didn't I understand how gross my acts where??
This makes me sick to the core. Why tf? I'm such a low class mammal, with intelligence lower than pigs. Hate myself. Why I didnt realize it back then????
It feels wrong to accuse my mom of treating me badly. No, she does loves me ( I'm not sure, but when I come out as part of the LGBTQ, she just turn irritated and cold towards me), I feel like she only love the illusions that she puts on me. Whenever I do things that are against her illusions, she says " I'm going to die soon", " i give up", " i have no reasons to live now" or turn dramatic. For many times, when I dont do chores or when she having too much things to do and I bother her, she says " Without me, I'm wondering where this family will go", "This family will become beggars without me". Even when I was sick, she just be like " Without me, how can this family survive?" When I was younger, I told her how bad my school days went, and she got angry and yelled " I'm not a trash can for you to dump this", but whenever she is mad at the responsibility, or me, or her husband, she just dump it all on me. I think that is quite understandable, and I deserve that, because she has too much work to do, and I'm a lazy ass. But I cant stay around her, I just feel suffocated.
Im not sure whether she loves me or not, this is confusing. She controls everything, even something simple as the haircut, without my consent. I feel so mad when she still loves her husband who SA'd me, he also cheated for 6 years, I think I'm kinda childish.
I dont understand, parts of me wanted to hate her, but another parts feel guilty for doing that. She is caring, loves me unconditionally, do all things for me. I dont understand. I really need your advices, it is all so weird.
About the husband, he also shows signs of love and dedication, but he cheated, and he SA'd me, multiple times when I was young. He keeps making sexual jokes/ teasing/ remarks/ comments when I was young. I'm also wondering whether he loves me or not. People around me says that he loves me, despite what he has done?
He and she touched me *there* as a joke. Back then, I didn't know that this was weird, I felt alittle wrong, but decided to go along with the joke.
THIS IS THE PART I STILL BLAME MYSELF NOW, ROAST ME IF YOU WANT:
I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY TF DIDNT I KNOW IT THEN, I DO THAT TO THEM AS A JOKE AS WELL. KILL ME, ROAST ME, GUT ME IF YOU WANT, I DESERVE TO DIE ANYWAY.
he once let me touch "it" because I was curious and begging
I hate myself, why didn't I know about this ? I feel so disgusted when this happened, why didn't I understand how gross my acts where??
This makes me sick to the core. Why tf? I'm such a low class mammal, with intelligence lower than pigs. Hate myself. Why I didnt realize it back then????
