Things you wish you had known sooner...

[last_tour]

What are some things you wish you had known sooner after going down this path?

For me, I wish I had known to always turn off safe search when searching on google or bing.
For the longest time i googled about meds and suicide related stuff with safe search kept ON and it was filtering out everything. After turning it off i was all of a sudden able to find sources! WOW I wasted so much time and stress due to this one little oversight.

 

[SpareWheel]

Coronavirus. If I'd known it was coming and how bad it would be, and how it'd shut down so many places and make things hard to get hold of. I made my plans in advance for April, by mid March they were ruined. I'd likely be gone now if not for the Kung Flu.

 

[Cutepoison]

Wish i knew that i should have taken god-damned xanax when i started having panic attacks a year ago

 

[GoBack]

Wish I had gone anywhere but here

 

[Tintypographer]

I wish I had not gotten married and had kids. I wish I had just taken myself out in high school or middle school and not gone on. There have been few good things since then.

 

[Oyoy]

I wish I had stayed off sugar!

 

[Lilmeowssi]

That my parents hated me all this time. If I had known sooner I would've been gone earlier and been less of a burden to them.

 

[RayoSinSol]

There's nothing I could have "known" logically that would probably change the fact that I hate this world in its current mode.

I could have chosen to apply myself fully to the art of learning adaptive self-delusion and denialism from a young age, and maybe by now I'd be a millionaire and able to smile more easily, but also a completely different person, with a completely different psychological construct, in a completely different reality.

I wish I had *felt* as ready to die as I am now, just a couple months ago when I had more money in my pocket, so I had more money to potentially waste on a search for N, instead of potentially having to settle with SN.

 

[GoBack]

I wish I had known that some people in my family had no right to push me around, being the youngest it was ingrained in me that they could do what they want to me. Now I know that's obvious bullshit but I've let them get away with so much my life is ruined. And they still say it's my own fault. Going over to the rage thread now

 

[SpareWheel]

I wish I had known that some people in my family had no right to push me around, being the youngest it was ingrained in me that they could do what they want to me. Now I know that's obvious bullshit but I've let them get away with so much my life is ruined. And they still say it's my own fault. Going over to the rage thread now

I don't know how to do the hug thing I see in my notifications, so *hug*
Families really do have a lot to answer for, one half of mine did a good number on me from an early age.

 

[thx1138]

I wish I had known I would still love and miss someone almost a decade after losing them. Then I would have done everything in my power, even if it means telling a bunch of lies, just to keep them in my life. I thought I would get over it like normal people do. But I was so wrong. I wish I had known that "time heals everything" is a falsehood.

 

[BeeLoyal]

Lots of things that you only understand when you're either old enough or have made the experiences.
Experiences I made have made me a lot wiser, but also suicidal (lol)
Kinda wish I had known all these things without having to go through this shit.

Wish I had known that love can hurt so much.
Wish I had known that you can't trust people/"friends" no matter how long you know them.

~peace

 

[woxihuanni]

How to cook. How to shut up a lot more. This website.

 

[serah]

Nobody irl actually cares about my problems.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I wish I'd known it doesn't get better and taken my exit sooner.

 

[Bct]

Wish I didn't take my current job, at least I would be better financially & perhaps didn't experience another intense broken heart

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

I wish I had known that life's not worth living.

 

[niloc]

That not taking the job offer I had in January was probably a huge mistake and I'll pay for it with my mental health and likely my life.. Also, 23 years ago I should have told myself to stay the fuck out of IT and so something actually meaningful.

 

[Steve Vermont]

I wish I had known about N a couple of years ago when I was in Mexico. It was before the Mexican authorities started getting wise and I could have scored some easily and cheaply.

 

[NefariousWish]

What are some things you wish you had known sooner after going down this path?

For me, I wish I had known to always turn off safe search when searching on google or bing.
For the longest time i googled about meds and suicide related stuff with safe search kept ON and it was filtering out everything. After turning it off i was all of a sudden able to find sources! WOW I wasted so much time and stress due to this one little oversight.

That is surprisingly useful. Thanks

Also, I wish I had known that life would only get worse. I would've died much earlier then.

 

[GoBack]

I wish I had kept things simpler. I wanted to fit too much in,. do All the things, better to just pick a few. Now I'm wrecked . But everything is a mess cause I did too much

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Had I known how bad my 20´s would be with my physical and mental problems then I would have killed myself as I planned when I was 18-19 I even moved out from home for the first time just so I wouldn´t be bothered while planning to ctb back then I still had depression and had my teenage hormones racing through my body so I could still feel emotions such as sadness, excitement and nostalgia now I feel nothing no bitter sweet feeling of happiness and sadness (nostalgia) when thinking of a happy memory and I barely remember them anyways it´s all so vague I feel like I have 10% of the brain power of what I used to have in my teens.

I also made made a thread about wanting to die before 2020 because at least I would still have lived as a teenager in the beginning of the decade like in 2010 I was 16 and still had many friends life was exciting I had style, cared about my looks, still believed in love and had hopes and dreams, and could feel emotions despite having depression as I just explained earlier.

I can´t comprehend that it has been over 6 years since I was 19 (a teenager) where did the time go? I have not had any friends for all this time and no life I am now closer to my 30´s than to my teenage years I really need to ctb soon hopefully in a week at most I can´t take this shit anymore. And I also have become physically addicted to benzos and mentally addicted to alcohol for a few month, if I was still 19 or even 20 I could kick this habit more or less easily but when I think throughly about it there is no reason to go through all that without any reward at the end the adult life and my adult "life" is just full of responsibilities and the end goal is to work for the rest of my "life" but why? I suffer from extreme apathy and anhedonia and that was even before the addiction I have no hobbies or meaning in life I should just have been dead those 7 years ago like I planned then I would have saved myself from all of this pain and suffering including seeing so many previous friends and acquantancies become strangers and dozens of them having babies and see how old we all have become I can´t take it anymore I just want out.

EDIT: Also if I had ctb when I was 18-19 as planned then my parents would have lived at my childhood home back then and I wouldn´t have seen it being demolished a couple years ago along with all of the trees including ones I used to climb and bushes and I also wouldn´t have gone through the grief of our family cat died a few weeks ago she was 18 years old.

 

[Alyatl]

I wish I knew that I was right when I was 15 that something in my head was wrong, and to fight against my parents to get treatment. I knew I wasn't okay, and they gaslit me for years. Finally diagnosed with BPD and I was right all along, I could've avoided the destruction of some of the best relationships I have had and will ever have.

 

[GoBack]

Wish I'd known things weren't as bad as they seemed and I was having serious paranoia from a medication is been on. Cculdve saved a lot of trouble and heartache

 

[itsamadworld]

I wished I had known how to CBT, without getting caught, when I attempted at 22....

 

[all_pointless]

That i end up killing me just 8 years later instead of at 15. Life's bs with mental illness

 

[puppy9]

Saying to me that "You're still young" doesn't make it any better. It feels good back then. Later I realize it's stupid.

 

[WillOxyWork]

That ears don't heal, and damage to them is cumulative and can be catastrophic.

That I can be very selfish when I'm overwhelmed by my own issues, and it puts my relationship with others in jeopardy

 

[Sinai Silence]

I wish I successfully ctb and not tried to hang on for years expecting things to somehow get better.

 

[Csmith8827]

Stay away from toxic people and toxic situations. If something doesn't feel right 99% of the time it isn't. Don't be afraid and never give up. You'll find a door eventually.