Things just got hopeless and partner won't let me ctb

[littleearthquakes]

The meds for my horrifically disabling condition aren't working and that was a long shot and I just lost my doctor with absolutely no notice or replacement in sight for weeks or months and it would require a long painful drive and visit to establish with someone when I'm bedbound and can't walk or move without agony and risk of injury.

And we already tried the best thing and now I'm even worse with more permanent damage than is at all fixable so really it's a waste to keep trying.

I want to be done. Everything is truly hopeless now. I have so much damage and I'm in endless agony and can't do any basic human things anymore and I can't do this. I tried to stop eating but it hurt too much and my partner/ex I live with said they'd have to call someone and get me committed if I kept not eating. I can't do any other method because they bring in all my packages and I can't walk or do anything myself. I'm trapped and they won't even talk to me about it and get mad and literally walk away when I say how scared I am and they say I'm triggering them and get mad and abandon me when I'm crying and expressing how I feel.

I've been trying to make friends and all I do is hurt and disappoint people. I'm totally alone and everyone is gone. I've done my best with that and it's never enough and I feel like people don't get me or my needs and I become the asshole and I'm so confused and scared and everyone hates me and wants me gone but no one will let me do it.

And I am sorry to the few people here I tried to be friends with and it went wrong. I really did try. I wish I could at least find support here and I still wish for that.

 

[U. A.]

in the absence of anything really meaningful, sending a hug.

i have a friend has some of of the same conditions i saw you right about and other rough ones. it's getting to the point where i don't know how to conduct myself a lot of the time and i feel bad about it. like, stuff i would not imagine could be activating ends up being. i kind of wish they had the energy to tell me explicitly in general what is and isn't okay so i could not say things that end up being hurtful.

sorry people haven't accepted your communications feedback. that feels like the minimum...

 

[TurboCharcha]

I'm sorry. I tried to reach out when I could, but it was too late. I hope you can find relief somehow.