Venting things ill never experience

[tretion]

im sitting here as im tying these knots and realizing im missing out on alot, i mean i still want to die and death would benefit me more than experiencing these things but still, never been in a proper relationship, still a virgin, aint been on my own, never will get married etc, like its crazy that if my trauma never happened i could live a normal life.

this isnt me saying im backing out im just thinking about things

 

[LastNite]

Been there dont limit yourself. Yeh you could feel like youll never experience those things but in reality it's not as difficult as you might think. Thinking negatively time over time will ruin your sense of reality and sense of whats possible and what isnt. I used think I'll never experience friendship and in truth I never did but if you count online friendship then I sort of did experience it. I have a great friend online and if we lived closer we wouldve been best friends. We talk almost everyday. Theres limit to it ofc since its an online friendship. Do i still want to die? sure but was it great experiencing things I wished? Totally. So believe in yourself. You never know one day you might look back at everything and laugh. In five or ten years you could have a whole family to yourself a son a daughter and a wife. Its not out of the realm of possibility.

 

[dontwakemeup]

If at any point you are not sure this is the right decision for you then please hold off on your plans!
There are many people who have went on to live happy and successful lives after traumatic events. Of course there will be needed but it's possible.
Take your time, nobody makes it out of life alive anyways.

 

[tretion]

If at any point you are not sure this is the right decision for you then please hold off on your plans!
There are many people who have went on to live happy and successful lives after traumatic events. Of course there will be needed but it's possible.
Take your time, nobody makes it out of life alive anyways.

im sure on my decision im just still disappointed i'll never experience certain things, i want to die before 20 so i have to die now

Been there dont limit yourself. Yeh you could feel like youll never experience those things but in reality it's not as difficult as you might think. Thinking negatively time over time will ruin your sense of reality and sense of whats possible and what isnt. I used think I'll never experience friendship and in truth I never did but if you count online friendship then I sort of did experience it. I have a great friend online and if we lived closer we wouldve been best friends. We talk almost everyday. Theres limit to it ofc since its an online friendship. Do i still want to die? sure but was it great experiencing things I wished? Totally. So believe in yourself. You never know one day you might look back at everything and laugh. In five or ten years you could have a whole family to yourself a son a daughter and a wife. Its not out of the realm of possibility.

i appreciate the words but

Been there dont limit yourself. Yeh you could feel like youll never experience those things but in reality it's not as difficult as you might think. Thinking negatively time over time will ruin your sense of reality and sense of whats possible and what isnt. I used think I'll never experience friendship and in truth I never did but if you count online friendship then I sort of did experience it. I have a great friend online and if we lived closer we wouldve been best friends. We talk almost everyday. Theres limit to it ofc since its an online friendship. Do i still want to die? sure but was it great experiencing things I wished? Totally. So believe in yourself. You never know one day you might look back at everything and laugh. In five or ten years you could have a whole family to yourself a son a daughter and a wife. Its not out of the realm of possibility.

i appreciate the words but i know that will never happen for me, my life was ruined by the people who should've protected it the most

 

[BradGuy123]

Hello. You said in your first post you had never been in a relationship and you were still a virgin. Then in a reply you said you weren't 20 yet. It is quite common for someone that young to have never had a relationship. I didn't have my first relationship until I was 24. That didn't last all that long. I didn't find a serious long-term relationship until I was in my 30s. I am a huge nerd. I found someone. If there is hope for me, there is hope for everybody. I don't know you or your circumstances. This is easier said than done. But please try to find hobbies and interests and make friends through those activities. I wasted so many years of my life obsessing over the fact that I was single and didn't think I'd ever find anyone. I robbed myself of so much joy in my life. Now that I'm middle aged, I looked back at that with regret. I should have enjoyed being young.

You also mentioned that your life was ruined by people who should have protected you. If you have health insurance please go to a therapist. I literally went to a therapist this past week and she told me the same thing happened to her. You are not alone in what you're going through. So many people experience the same thing. They just put on a happy face and nobody ever knows it. I wish you all the best. Sending you a virtual hug.

 

[shampoo sniffer]

i appreciate the words but i know that will never happen for me, my life was ruined by the people who should've protected it the most

I am the same. 34 years old, never even been kissed. All because of trauma.

 

[tretion]

Hello. You said in your first post you had never been in a relationship and you were still a virgin. Then in a reply you said you weren't 20 yet. It is quite common for someone that young to have never had a relationship. I didn't have my first relationship until I was 24. That didn't last all that long. I didn't find a serious long-term relationship until I was in my 30s. I am a huge nerd. I found someone. If there is hope for me, there is hope for everybody. I don't know you or your circumstances. This is easier said than done. But please try to find hobbies and interests and make friends through those activities. I wasted so many years of my life obsessing over the fact that I was single and didn't think I'd ever find anyone. I robbed myself of so much joy in my life. Now that I'm middle aged, I looked back at that with regret. I should have enjoyed being young.

You also mentioned that your life was ruined by people who should have protected you. If you have health insurance please go to a therapist. I literally went to a therapist this past week and she told me the same thing happened to her. You are not alone in what you're going through. So many people experience the same thing. They just put on a happy face and nobody ever knows it. I wish you all the best. Sending you a virtual hug.

heyy,

yes im 19, but everyone i know has been in relationships and had kids/done something with their lives by now.

i know i could probably get in a relationship but i feel like one its a waste if i do now bc im planning on kms anyway and two the ones who had hit on me were only interested in sex, and when i didnt return that they got aggressive or mean towards me.

i wasn't allowed to go to college so making friends is impossible.

i unfortunately dont have health insurance haha, and tbh even if i did theyd just send me off so rlly theres no point

 

[tretion]

Hello. You said in your first post you had never been in a relationship and you were still a virgin. Then in a reply you said you weren't 20 yet. It is quite common for someone that young to have never had a relationship. I didn't have my first relationship until I was 24. That didn't last all that long. I didn't find a serious long-term relationship until I was in my 30s. I am a huge nerd. I found someone. If there is hope for me, there is hope for everybody. I don't know you or your circumstances. This is easier said than done. But please try to find hobbies and interests and make friends through those activities. I wasted so many years of my life obsessing over the fact that I was single and didn't think I'd ever find anyone. I robbed myself of so much joy in my life. Now that I'm middle aged, I looked back at that with regret. I should have enjoyed being young.

You also mentioned that your life was ruined by people who should have protected you. If you have health insurance please go to a therapist. I literally went to a therapist this past week and she told me the same thing happened to her. You are not alone in what you're going through. So many people experience the same thing. They just put on a happy face and nobody ever knows it. I wish you all the best. Sending you a virtual hug.

forgot to say, i thank you for your words and sending you a virtual hug back

I am the same. 34 years old, never even been kissed. All because of trauma.

same here, im sorry though

 

[BradGuy123]

You said:
"yes im 19, but everyone i know has been in relationships and had kids/done something with their lives by now."

You are only 19. You are young. You have plenty of time to meet someone. Many people don't meet someone until they're in their mid to late 20s. I didn't meet my partner until I was 37. Please don't kys over this. Let me ask you this. What if you were to do the deed but if you didn't do the deed you would have met someone three months, six months, are a year later? Then you would have done it for nothing. So much time left to meet someone. You are not 40 or 50.

 

[tretion]

You said:
"yes im 19, but everyone i know has been in relationships and had kids/done something with their lives by now."

You are only 19. You are young. You have plenty of time to meet someone. Many people don't meet someone until they're in their mid to late 20s. I didn't meet my partner until I was 37. Please don't kys over this. Let me ask you this. What if you were to do the deed but if you didn't do the deed you would have met someone three months, six months, are a year later? Then you would have done it for nothing. So much time left to meet someone. You are not 40 or 50.

i understand that but theres other reasons too, i cant speak on everything but my parents ruined my life, i wont be able to go to college i wont be able to get a good job, i will never have friends, if i live i will be destined to work a 9-5 for the rest of my life barley making it by while the ppl ik goes on to being doctors and pyschologists, all thanks to my parents

 

[k1m]

i want to die before 20 so i have to die now

Someone I loved had this exact plan. Please don't. Your life has not even started.

Getting married or having kids in your early 20s is 1. not for most people and 2. not fun.

Relationships will be there for you if you give it time. Nobody I know had relationships as a kid, and they're all fine and happy.

I went to college, got a STEM degree, and I also have to work a 9-5. Being a doctor or psychologist is a very tough job with tons of paperwork, pointless tasks, and stressful competition. You're not really missing out because of anything you do as a kid (which you are). You can still be those things if you want. I knew people in college who spent their twenties at sea (one on a merchant ship, one on a submarine). I knew people who spent their early twenties in prison. You have so much time to find yourself, even if you hibernate for ten years it would be OK in the end.

 

[tretion]

Someone I loved had this exact plan. Please don't. Your life has not even started.

Getting married or having kids in your early 20s is 1. not for most people and 2. not fun.

Relationships will be there for you if you give it time. Nobody I know had relationships as a kid, and they're all fine and happy.

I went to college, got a STEM degree, and I also have to work a 9-5. Being a doctor or psychologist is a very tough job with tons of paperwork, pointless tasks, and stressful competition. You're not really missing out because of anything you do as a kid (which you are). You can still be those things if you want. I knew people in college who spent their twenties at sea (one on a merchant ship, one on a submarine). I knew people who spent their early twenties in prison. You have so much time to find yourself, even if you hibernate for ten years it would be OK in the end.

im sorry i just cant do this anymore, if you knew or lived even a day of my life i promise you youd understand wholeheartedly.

i do appreciate your words though,

 

[Off_Switch]

yes im 19, but everyone i know has been in relationships and had kids/done something with their lives by now.

Congratulations that you don't have any children. And I'm not even joking. Raising a child in this current state of the world is going to be 2 decades of stress and suffering for most people.

 

[tretion]

Congratulations that you don't have any children. And I'm not even joking. Raising a child in this current state of the world is going to be 2 decades of stress and suffering for most people.

its not that i want kids im saying these people have a purpose, they have a reason to live thats my point

 

[Off_Switch]

its not that i want kids im saying these people have a purpose, they have a reason to live thats my point

For many, the sense of purpose quickly becomes a sense of regret.

I Regret Having Children

I Regret Having Children. 65,545 likes · 4,569 talking about this. Real stories from parents. DM us to submit anonymously. We’ll edit—just leave out identifying info.

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[BradGuy123]

i understand that but theres other reasons too, i cant speak on everything but my parents ruined my life, i wont be able to go to college i wont be able to get a good job, i will never have friends, if i live i will be destined to work a 9-5 for the rest of my life barley making it by while the ppl ik goes on to being doctors and pyschologists, all thanks to my parents

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your parents were not fully there for you. I hate it that they have caused you so much pain. I hear you that there are other reasons too. I want to make one more point about you being single. Like I told you, I didn't meet my partner until I was 37. I spent a lot of years sad and depressed. I longed for that companionship. I saw other couples and I got so jealous. Why couldn't I have what they had? I felt like I was missing out on so much. It was so unfair they got to be in a couple but I did not. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I find anyone? I did find someone later in life. He is so sweet and kind. We make the perfect couple. We have had a lot of good years together. If I had kms then I would have missed out on all that.

Making friends is hard. It's best to find people you have common interests with. There are Meetup groups Facebook groups and all kind of stuff. I don't know what you like: sports, religion, politics, board gaming, arts/crafts, etc. There are groups for all that stuff.

I'm sorry you can't go to college because of your parents. I know that must be very hard for you. I wish I could say something to make it all better, but I know I can't. Sending you prayers and positive thoughts.

 

[tretion]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your parents were not fully there for you. I hate it that they have caused you so much pain. I hear you that there are other reasons too. I want to make one more point about you being single. Like I told you, I didn't meet my partner until I was 37. I spent a lot of years sad and depressed. I longed for that companionship. I saw other couples and I got so jealous. Why couldn't I have what they had? I felt like I was missing out on so much. It was so unfair they got to be in a couple but I did not. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I find anyone? I did find someone later in life. He is so sweet and kind. We make the perfect couple. We have had a lot of good years together. If I had kms then I would have missed out on all that.

Making friends is hard. It's best to find people you have common interests with. There are Meetup groups Facebook groups and all kind of stuff. I don't know what you like: sports, religion, politics, board gaming, arts/crafts, etc. There are groups for all that stuff.

I'm sorry you can't go to college because of your parents. I know that must be very hard for you. I wish I could say something to make it all better, but I know I can't. Sending you prayers and positive thoughts.

i thank you

im so happy you were able to find the love of your life, i truly believe that will never happen for me though

i dont trust social media like fb bc i got stalked

thank you though and i appreciate your words so much and i wish you the most happiness life can offer

 

[dontwakemeup]

I don't want you to think we aren't listening to you and you're points are valid. What I've learned is the reason (s) i want to ctb are most likely different from the reasons others want to ctb, but each others feelings are equally the same hurt.

Suicide is a permanent solution and a very serious one of course. I think most of us are older and have been there and done it and ready to go. I don't want you to ever think your reasons are invalid and not justified, because they are. I had my first attempt by 15 yrs old and if it had worked, I would have saved myself from so much pain and heartbreak I still have now.

I will give you the advice my doctor gave me and maybe you can find some peace in this. I've know my PCP for decades and I'm so grateful for him and his wisdom. I went to my doctor one day with plans to ctb in my head and was crying. I never told him my plans but he gave me some medications I needed and told me, "You have too much free time to think and rémanence on the past and it keeps you in a dark place! You're young, get out and date and go to college! I think you would be a great____!" I left his office and went straight to a college and signed up and started within 2 weeks, I worked really hard to get everything done. I took my medicine and got busy. I passed every class with flying colors and graduated with honors! People often asked me how I did it? I laugh because all I had was time to obsess over school work and writing the perfect papers and study. I don't have a family so I did it all alone! There was nobody pushing me, I pushed myself!

I dated a few guys but it didn't work because of me! I never felt i deserved love, afraid they would leave me like my family did me and the thought of another person walking away was too much, so u always walked away.

My point is, your young. Give yourself time to make mistakes, have funny dating stories, make wonderful memories, travel and explore life! Go to college of you like or get a job and do great and earn a promotion! Whatever it is you need to do to stay busy! Nothing comes to those who sit around, you have to go get it and sometimes work hard for it, but thats ok. You never know what potentials you have until you push yourself. I challenge you to find a path for yourself. Write a book, it can be a kids book, just do something and then you can leave.

I will tell you this, ctb is not as easy as people make it out to be. Just because you say you will do it doesn't mean you will succeed. I'd hate for you to do something and have to live with these awful side effects. You're my daughter's age and it would break my heart to know she's on this site saying what you saying. She just started college again and single again lol. It's ok, she is trying.

Please consider everyone's responses and if you feel the same then so be it. If you feel any difference then please let's talk it out. I don't know you well, but what about you being a police I think that would be an awesome career for you! You would be busy and women love men in uniforms lol. So what do you think?

 

[tretion]

I don't want you to think we aren't listening to you and you're points are valid. What I've learned is the reason (s) i want to ctb are most likely different from the reasons others want to ctb, but each others feelings are equally the same hurt.

Suicide is a permanent solution and a very serious one of course. I think most of us are older and have been there and done it and ready to go. I don't want you to ever think your reasons are invalid and not justified, because they are. I had my first attempt by 15 yrs old and if it had worked, I would have saved myself from so much pain and heartbreak I still have now.

I will give you the advice my doctor gave me and maybe you can find some peace in this. I've know my PCP for decades and I'm so grateful for him and his wisdom. I went to my doctor one day with plans to ctb in my head and was crying. I never told him my plans but he gave me some medications I needed and told me, "You have too much free time to think and rémanence on the past and it keeps you in a dark place! You're young, get out and date and go to college! I think you would be a great____!" I left his office and went straight to a college and signed up and started within 2 weeks, I worked really hard to get everything done. I took my medicine and got busy. I passed every class with flying colors and graduated with honors! People often asked me how I did it? I laugh because all I had was time to obsess over school work and writing the perfect papers and study. I don't have a family so I did it all alone! There was nobody pushing me, I pushed myself!

I dated a few guys but it didn't work because of me! I never felt i deserved love, afraid they would leave me like my family did me and the thought of another person walking away was too much, so u always walked away.

My point is, your young. Give yourself time to make mistakes, have funny dating stories, make wonderful memories, travel and explore life! Go to college of you like or get a job and do great and earn a promotion! Whatever it is you need to do to stay busy! Nothing comes to those who sit around, you have to go get it and sometimes work hard for it, but thats ok. You never know what potentials you have until you push yourself. I challenge you to find a path for yourself. Write a book, it can be a kids book, just do something and then you can leave.

I will tell you this, ctb is not as easy as people make it out to be. Just because you say you will do it doesn't mean you will succeed. I'd hate for you to do something and have to live with these awful side effects. You're my daughter's age and it would break my heart to know she's on this site saying what you saying. She just started college again and single again lol. It's ok, she is trying.

Please consider everyone's responses and if you feel the same then so be it. If you feel any difference then please let's talk it out. I don't know you well, but what about you being a police I think that would be an awesome career for you! You would be busy and women love men in uniforms lol. So what do you think?

for starters i am a woman haha

the one guy i "dated" would make jokes about killing me, alot.

college is impossible my parents wouldnt let me go

i actually have wrote a couple books (unpublished) before haha

i appreciate your advice though, ill consider your words thank you

 

[wine is fine but]

im sure on my decision im just still disappointed i'll never experience certain things, i want to die before 20 so i have to die now

most of us wanted to die by then
some of us tried before 14 and 20 was the last time some of us tried

you are too young to really know what you want. i do not mean that in a derogative way, because i understand your sentiment in wanting to end your life at your age. you could let the trauma you have endured carry you to be a success despite what those you should have loved you most did

the only thing i am trying to convince you to do, is think very carefully about what you choose. perhaps you already have, but those of us with over 30 years more life experience than you know why ending your life feels so right in your teens, but also know that keeping the option open of both life and death can be a positive. i never look back and say i feel happy or lucky to have survived anything, but the fact i am still alive suggests that living can be a good option to have