Things I wish I could change

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

I hate this world, how can we live in a world that the leader of the free world is an absolute idiot that he thinks more of his twitter followings then doing any good. That this man can stop people entering the USA even if these people contribute massively because of their religion.

I hate the fact despite how much evidence there is on how bad meat is for us, killing our planet and how badly they torture animals we still eat it.

I hate the fact we think one human life is more important than an animal. I hate the fact we torture animals for animal testing and for entertainment.

I hate the fact we judge people on how many Instagram followers they have more than what have they have achieved as people.

I hate the fact people have absolutely no patience and think they need to be replied to immediately. Not thinking the person could be busy or driving, sleeping showering etc.

I hate the fact to feed a family healthy food literally costs and arm and leg but you can feed a family junk food for fuck all.

I hate the fact we are in 21st Century and yet people still see colour when they look at people and not just a person.

I hate the fact people think it's ok to body shame someone. I've been to fat, to thin etc etc people think they have that right to comment and judge on how one is looking. But should just focus on themselves.

I hate the fact you can trust very little people that you can friends with someone for years and just poof just like that they are gone.

I hate the fact this world has to be so PC now teachers can't say good girl or boy. Because they may offend someone.

I hate fact people are still going on about stopping brexit even tho the decision has been made.

I hate the fact people can actually make people kill themselves literally by typing hateful things online and nothing gets done about it.

I hate fact you have to be constant fear that when your children go out and they come home safely, and not robbed, raped beaten up or have acid thrown in their face.

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.
William Shakespeare.

 

[Sinbad]

I hate the fact I haven't met someone like you in real life. I totally agree with everything you said.

 

[15dec]

Agree 100%.

I also hate that someone can talk about being suicidal and wanting help and be branded an attention seeker and not receive help, but when they actually kill themselves everyone suddenly loves and accepts them and wonders why they didn't get help.

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

I absolutely agree. Yes if they fail at the task "oh they did it for attention" "a cry for help" "what a selfish act" "you should have thought about your family"

If they succeed "they were a hero" "oh why didn't they come to me" "they should have gone to the drs"

I've been in treatment and on and off antidepressants since I was 10 years old I'm in my 30s. I begged the dr to send me to mental health team. A year ago I asked for CBT they said I'm way beyond that. I should see a therapist so I found one privately obviously didn't help. A year later, I asked to be checked because I do display signs of bipolar 2. I had a call to asses me. She asked me if I thought about killing myself. I said yes all the time. She said do you know how you will do it. I said yes. I said I'm very capable of doing it as I've tried many times.

Anyway at the end of the conversation she said she didn't believe I was a threat to myself and I should try CBT. I cried and cried and said didn't you understand anything.

Anyway went to the mental health team once they gave me some meds and referred me back to my GP.

I'm very grateful for the NHS here in the UK honestly I am. But I actually can not ask for anymore help then I do. I should have at least had a diagnoses but I didn't.

Sorry for the rant.

 

[15dec]

I absolutely agree. Yes if they fail at the task "oh they did it for attention" "a cry for help" "what a selfish act" "you should have thought about your family"

If they succeed "they were a hero" "oh why didn't they come to me" "they should have gone to the drs"

I've been in treatment and on and off antidepressants since I was 10 years old I'm in my 30s. I begged the dr to send me to mental health team. A year ago I asked for CBT they said I'm way beyond that. I should see a therapist so I found one privately obviously didn't help. A year later, I asked to be checked because I do display signs of bipolar 2. I had a call to asses me. She asked me if I thought about killing myself. I said yes all the time. She said do you know how you will do it. I said yes. I said I'm very capable of doing it as I've tried many times.

Anyway at the end of the conversation she said she didn't believe I was a threat to myself and I should try CBT. I cried and cried and said didn't you understand anything.

Anyway went to the mental health team once they gave me some meds and referred me back to my GP.

I'm very grateful for the NHS here in the UK honestly I am. But I actually can not ask for anymore help then I do. I should have at least had a diagnoses but I didn't.

Sorry for the rant.

No it's fine, I actually relate a fair bit and it's nice to hear from someone else dealing with NHS mental health services. I've written about them in a few other threads but if you haven't seen them, my mental health trust is the worst in England, one assessment team I saw when I admitted myself to hospital told me I was just 'emotionally distressed' despite three suicide attempts (at the time), as well as telling me if I kept acting suicidal I'd never get a job, that my friends didn't care about me, and sent me home with a number for a self-harm hotline (I told them I don't self harm but they insisted that I did) despite me saying I felt worse and more suicidal than when I'd gone into hospital. They seemed much more intent on picking apart my history of depression, anxiety/paranoia and suicidal thoughts and attempts and looking for evidence I was just upset/overly sensitive than offering actual help. I went into short term CBT in 2017 after a suicide attempt but it didn't help me at all. I've had other problems with them, one person I talked to on a phone interview straight up lied and claimed I told him I tried to kill myself impulsively because of an argument with a friend, for some reason.

It's a very sad state of things for mental health services. My doctor cares very much but all he can do is send me to the mental health trust and my experiences with them are unhelpful at best and hindrances at worst. In my opinion they just want to get people in and out of their system as soon as possible and to do that seek to prove patients aren't as bad as they say.

If only the NHS was as good for mental health as it is for physical health -if that was the case I would've probably been 'fixed' the first time I tried to get help and it would've prevented the hellish years and suicide attempts I've had since

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

I'm sorry to hear that you are also having serious issues with the mental health team. It's so disheartening when you keep reaching out for help and the help we get back is lies, and absolute bull shit. Did they put you on any medication?

I'm currently on sertaline and amertipline but I still despite no dignoises think that I have bipolar2 in which case anti depressants make it worse and actually If they were working I probably wouldn't be on here right now and have planed my CTB.

 

[15dec]

I'm sorry to hear that you are also having serious issues with the mental health team. It's so disheartening when you keep reaching out for help and the help we get back is lies, and absolute bull shit. Did they put you on any medication?

I'm currently on sertaline and amertipline but I still despite no dignoises think that I have bipolar2 in which case anti depressants make it worse and actually If they were working I probably wouldn't be on here right now and have planed my CTB.

They don't want to put me on any as I have a past history of overdosing, I don't think they'll change their minds anytime soon. How long have you been on them? They can take a few months to have an effect, though if they're making you feel worse you should contact them and let them know in case they try something else

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

They don't want to put me on any as I have a past history of overdosing, I don't think they'll change their minds anytime soon. How long have you been on them? They can take a few months to have an effect, though if they're making you feel worse you should contact them and let them know in case they try something else

I've been on them afew months but throughout my life I've been on so many. They help for afew months then it just wears off. The only thing I can say which is very positive, I have insomia so they help me sleep and my anxiety is non existent now before I was anxious about everything. Wish they would just take the dark cloud over my head tho.

 

[15dec]

I've been on them afew months but throughout my life I've been on so many. They help for afew months then it just wears off. The only thing I can say which is very positive, I have insomia so they help me sleep and my anxiety is non existent now before I was anxious about everything. Wish they would just take the dark cloud over my head tho.

That reminds me of this thread created a while ago:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ressants-arent-the-solution.9530/#post-166980
If you can pinpoint anything that caused you to feel depressed it's always possible that you could find ways to try and fix them. My own feelings of depression came from nowhere, though I can think of things that worsen the feeling. My attempts have all been in vain though, but I hope you can find things to help alleviate the feeling

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

That reminds me of this thread created a while ago:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ressants-arent-the-solution.9530/#post-166980
If you can pinpoint anything that caused you to feel depressed it's always possible that you could find ways to try and fix them. My own feelings of depression came from nowhere, though I can think of things that worsen the feeling. My attempts have all been in vain though, but I hope you can find things to help alleviate the feeling

Thank you very much for the thread I read the article.

I've suffered from severe depression on and off pretty much from around 9 or 10. The last I remember being truly happy was 2016. I'm making lists of things I did in particular and hopefully can get back that feeling. I do however have a lot of comfort in knowing my SN and every thing I need is reachable for when something does get to much.

When did your depression come on? What was the breaking point also for the attempts?

 

[15dec]

Thank you very much for the thread I read the article.

I've suffered from severe depression on and off pretty much from around 9 or 10. The last I remember being truly happy was 2016. I'm making lists of things I did in particular and hopefully can get back that feeling. I do however have a lot of comfort in knowing my SN and every thing I need is reachable for when something does get to much.

When did your depression come on? What was the breaking point also for the attempts?

I first noticed it when I was 11, I just started to feel sad all the time but I figured it was just me being anxious about starting high school. I'm not sure if there was a specific breaking point for any of my attempts, it was more along the lines of feeling particularly depressed and suicidal on the days I attempted. I don't think I've felt truly happy for a few years, recently I haven't felt happy for more than say, an hour or so at a time. Before that the best was maybe a week or two of feeling content and happy but something always seems to happen to shut my good mood down for a while. 2018 was hell, I've never been so consistently low before.

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

2018 was absolutely shocking. My mental health probably took the most rapid decline I've ever had.

I always think of my down days as a black hole and sometimes when I'm in it, I can't do anything expect stay in bed.

I hope we have some light at end of the tunnel if something changes for the positive or if we just finally find peace.