There’s still so much I want to do before giving up

[thelostautistic]

I had a really nice day yesterday and days like that make me want to keep pushing on for a bit longer. I'm in a lot of physical and emotional pain everyday and want to give up a lot of the time but equally there's still so many things I want to do. I thought I'd list some of those things to maybe give others ideas and to keep me motivated on hard days. I'd like to get back into running and also start weightlifting. I want to become a more confident swimmer, take instrument lessons, learn to sew by hand and on a machine. I want to learn other languages, start up my small business again, create imperfect art work. I think my issue is perfectionism and the fact that I get easily overwhelmed. I get so excited by the idea of doing all these things but it overwhelms me so I shut down and don't do them and nothing changes. Maybe I should just start with one thing at a time and go from there. I might revisit this thread and update it with any progress I make. It'll be nice to look back on days when I'm struggling a lot

 

[DownwardSpiral]

me too. one thing at a time is correct. progress can be sooooo slow. baby steps. its the only way things have ever worked for me. also i think keeping track of your progress is a great idea

 

[wine is fine but]

I had a really nice day yesterday and days like that make me want to keep pushing on for a bit longer. I'm in a lot of physical and emotional pain everyday and want to give up a lot of the time but equally there's still so many things I want to do. I thought I'd list some of those things to maybe give others ideas and to keep me motivated on hard days. I'd like to get back into running and also start weightlifting. I want to become a more confident swimmer, take instrument lessons, learn to sew by hand and on a machine. I want to learn other languages, start up my small business again, create imperfect art work. I think my issue is perfectionism and the fact that I get easily overwhelmed. I get so excited by the idea of doing all these things but it overwhelms me so I shut down and don't do them and nothing changes. Maybe I should just start with one thing at a time and go from there. I might revisit this thread and update it with any progress I make. It'll be nice to look back on days when I'm struggling a lot

go for it

i totally understand that you want perfectionism and especially if you do not achieve the level you want with something, it is easy to get overwhelmed and hate everything - but while you might see all of the mistakes/issues etc. every other earthling thinks what you have done is very good - sadly, our minds can both suck and blow

start with the smallest step and then take another and another and another

we are not machines, so taking two steps forward and one backward will happen, and will also feel overwhelming at times

the one benefit of doing some or all of the things you have listed, is that you will then have a purpose. that purpose can help to take your mind away from negative thoughts. the odds are that most of us will never lose our suicidal thoughts, but trust me, they can co exist with every other thought while we are living. but to do that, we need some other reason to exist which if you start with your list, you could be on the right track. while living, we have two options. once dead, we do not have any. we can continue to do one while looking forward to the other. good luck and congratulations for at least trying to find a solution and that is not easy to do

 

[LastNite]

Dont overwhelm yourself. Like you said start with one thing at a time. It eventually gets easier. Wishing you good luck, don't give up!

 

[thelostautistic]

go for it

i totally understand that you want perfectionism and especially if you do not achieve the level you want with something, it is easy to get overwhelmed and hate everything - but while you might see all of the mistakes/issues etc. every other earthling thinks what you have done is very good - sadly, our minds can both suck and blow

start with the smallest step and then take another and another and another

we are not machines, so taking two steps forward and one backward will happen, and will also feel overwhelming at times

the one benefit of doing some or all of the things you have listed, is that you will then have a purpose. that purpose can help to take your mind away from negative thoughts. the odds are that most of us will never lose our suicidal thoughts, but trust me, they can co exist with every other thought while we are living. but to do that, we need some other reason to exist which if you start with your list, you could be on the right track. while living, we have two options. once dead, we do not have any. we can continue to do one while looking forward to the other. good luck and congratulations for at least trying to find a solution and that is not easy to do

Thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot

 

[coffeeandcats]

Sending hugs and love to you in your journey

 

[thelostautistic]

Sending hugs and love to you in your journey

Thank you

 

[m3nhera]

I had a really nice day yesterday and days like that make me want to keep pushing on for a bit longer. I'm in a lot of physical and emotional pain everyday and want to give up a lot of the time but equally there's still so many things I want to do. I thought I'd list some of those things to maybe give others ideas and to keep me motivated on hard days. I'd like to get back into running and also start weightlifting. I want to become a more confident swimmer, take instrument lessons, learn to sew by hand and on a machine. I want to learn other languages, start up my small business again, create imperfect art work. I think my issue is perfectionism and the fact that I get easily overwhelmed. I get so excited by the idea of doing all these things but it overwhelms me so I shut down and don't do them and nothing changes. Maybe I should just start with one thing at a time and go from there. I might revisit this thread and update it with any progress I make. It'll be nice to look back on days when I'm struggling a lot

Same!!! Life will end regardless so we might as well stick around, like you said there's so much more to do.

 

[thelostautistic]

I thought I'd post an update. I've been struggling a lot these past few months but I took a positive step today and I'm really proud. I signed up for a 2 week course to gain some skills in a subject I'm interested in. It starts on Monday. I've been out of work and education for nearly 6 years so I'm a bit nervous but hopefully it'll go well.

 

[alivebutnotliving]

i understand you. it's not wrong to enjoy things and have happiness when in a dark place. sewing is really good for the brain, i can't explain how. i do it everyday via my projects, so that stood out to me the most. i love making patch pants as it's a representation of everything that makes me happy