Venting There is nothing but pain and misery for a girl like me

[disappear193]

I will live my days out in solitude, isolation, alone. I won't see people or interact with them unless necessary. I will become cold and rotten and indifferent. I will not know the feeling of love or hatred, passion or warmth, or any feeling which will make me human. for I am non existent, I am nobody. I will slowly isolate myself from people. I will vanish. I will disappear. I will slowly be swept away in my self hatred. I will suffer. I will hurt. All the days will blend into nothingness and I will regret ever allowing myself to be alive. I will not feel alive. I will feel lifeless, dead. I will be in a constant pit of despair and sorrow. I will be so low, so very low. I will have given up on trying to find dignity in my solitude and I will come up empty handed, as there is none. I will think and feel much more than is reasonable. I will be in pain. I will be in agony. I will pass happy couples and people in the street, I will have horrifying jealously for what they have because I am unable to have it. I will drag myself around here and there and find myself going nowhere. For that's where I desire to be. I will drink far more than necessary. But for me it won't be enough. I will attempt to do anything that will get rid of the dulling void inside me. For it eats at my heart and makes me rotten. I will slowly be forgotten to the people that knew me. The memory of me will decay. Until there is nothing left. It will be like I was never there. I will be a ghost more than a person. There will be nothing left of me. I will feel immensely desolate. Until I draw my last breath I will live my life in pain and torment. I will suffer. For what I am I cannot change. For what I am I mourn. I mourn what could have been, what will not be, what I can't have. For I am nobody. For I cease to exist.

 

[PreCambrianBliss]

I'm amazed how much of myself I see in this. Can I ask what makes you want to isolate yourself?

 

[PetrichorBirth]

Beautiful writing

 

[disappear193]

I'm amazed how much of myself I see in this. Can I ask what makes you want to isolate yourself?

No matter how much I've tried to make people understand, they just can't. I don't entirely blame them because I struggle understanding my emotions most of the time but it's just tiring getting asked over and over what's wrong and pouring my heart into explaining just for it to be all in vain. I'm tired of burdening people with my problems and always having the same outcome; being misunderstood and maybe even judged. I used to think I'm a codependent person until I started noticing the advantages of being alone

 

[PetrichorBirth]

I will live my days out in solitude, isolation, alone. I won't see people or interact with them unless necessary. I will become cold and rotten and indifferent. I will not know the feeling of love or hatred, passion or warmth, or any feeling which will make me human. for I am non existent, I am nobody. I will slowly isolate myself from people. I will vanish. I will disappear. I will slowly be swept away in my self hatred. I will suffer. I will hurt. All the days will blend into nothingness and I will regret ever allowing myself to be alive. I will not feel alive. I will feel lifeless, dead. I will be in a constant pit of despair and sorrow. I will be so low, so very low. I will have given up on trying to find dignity in my solitude and I will come up empty handed, as there is none. I will think and feel much more than is reasonable. I will be in pain. I will be in agony. I will pass happy couples and people in the street, I will have horrifying jealously for what they have because I am unable to have it. I will drag myself around here and there and find myself going nowhere. For that's where I desire to be. I will drink far more than necessary. But for me it won't be enough. I will attempt to do anything that will get rid of the dulling void inside me. For it eats at my heart and makes me rotten. I will slowly be forgotten to the people that knew me. The memory of me will decay. Until there is nothing left. It will be like I was never there. I will be a ghost more than a person. There will be nothing left of me. I will feel immensely desolate. Until I draw my last breath I will live my life in pain and torment. I will suffer. For what I am I cannot change. For what I am I mourn. I mourn what could have been, what will not be, what I can't have. For I am nobody. For I cease to exist.

 

[suizsuicide]

No matter how much I've tried to make people understand, they just can't. I don't entirely blame them because I struggle understanding my emotions most of the time but it's just tiring getting asked over and over what's wrong and pouring my heart into explaining just for it to be all in vain. I'm tired of burdening people with my problems and always having the same outcome; being misunderstood and maybe even judged. I used to think I'm a codependent person until I started noticing the advantages of being alone

I feel this. Im not sure the percentage of men to women on this site , and i cant speak on behalf of the men here because im a woman but i get this.
Men and women, no gender struggles more than the other because i believe life fucks us up both equally. Being a woman i can only speak for my experience growing up a girl who never fit in like i had to be just like everyone else skinny and pretty and popular and perfect. Society has all these expectations of us, if we dont success in being the perfect women we get shamed and discarded.
I will never be like them and im sure you feel the same.
This vent is like poetry, it speaks to me.
I feel this so much

 

[///]

I will live my days out in solitude, isolation, alone. I won't see people or interact with them unless necessary. I will become cold and rotten and indifferent. I will not know the feeling of love or hatred, passion or warmth, or any feeling which will make me human. for I am non existent, I am nobody. I will slowly isolate myself from people. I will vanish. I will disappear. I will slowly be swept away in my self hatred. I will suffer. I will hurt. All the days will blend into nothingness and I will regret ever allowing myself to be alive. I will not feel alive. I will feel lifeless, dead. I will be in a constant pit of despair and sorrow. I will be so low, so very low. I will have given up on trying to find dignity in my solitude and I will come up empty handed, as there is none. I will think and feel much more than is reasonable. I will be in pain. I will be in agony. I will pass happy couples and people in the street, I will have horrifying jealously for what they have because I am unable to have it. I will drag myself around here and there and find myself going nowhere. For that's where I desire to be. I will drink far more than necessary. But for me it won't be enough. I will attempt to do anything that will get rid of the dulling void inside me. For it eats at my heart and makes me rotten. I will slowly be forgotten to the people that knew me. The memory of me will decay. Until there is nothing left. It will be like I was never there. I will be a ghost more than a person. There will be nothing left of me. I will feel immensely desolate. Until I draw my last breath I will live my life in pain and torment. I will suffer. For what I am I cannot change. For what I am I mourn. I mourn what could have been, what will not be, what I can't have. For I am nobody. For I cease to exist.

I'll be here for you whenever <333