Venting I just feel so sad

[hopelessly trying]

This is my first post on here, it'll probably end up being a nonsensical mess but oh well.
I've read some other posts and I'm incredibly jealous over the English proficiency some of you possess. I wish I could turn thought into words like that.

I'm just sad, I don't know why anymore. I tend to cling onto emotion rather than my issues as a whole. I forget why I'm sad, why I'm upset, but the feelings stay. The emotions build up and eventually I feel so shit and I don't even know why. I leave a lot of things unresolved and while I may have forgotten the feelings just linger.

I don't recognize myself anymore either. I used to know myself, the real me, but the real me is gone now. The real me doesnt exist anymore, not the person I used to be at least. I'm different with every person I talk to. I've always tried being like others and fitting in, but that was just an act. I've always been an actor playing different roles, but there's no actor anymore. I'm not proud of any of my personalities, I don't recognize myself in any of them.

I have no real friends. The few friends I have are online, people haven't and will never meet. I feel like I properly blend in with normal people online, unlike irl. Maybe that's what's caused me to lose myself as well. I conformed to others, and the acts have slowly turned into the real me.

I don't even know anymore, I don't think these are even the things that do truly make me sad, they're just the things I managed to write down off of the top of my head. I've just been laying in my bed before sleep, thinking about my day for so long, and my thought just always end up going to sadness. I'm not hally with my life, I don't feel like I'm living. I don't know what's going on anymore

 

[Fall_Apart]

This is my first post on here, it'll probably end up being a nonsensical mess but oh well.
I've read some other posts and I'm incredibly jealous over the English proficiency some of you possess. I wish I could turn thought into words like that.

I'm just sad, I don't know why anymore. I tend to cling onto emotion rather than my issues as a whole. I forget why I'm sad, why I'm upset, but the feelings stay. The emotions build up and eventually I feel so shit and I don't even know why. I leave a lot of things unresolved and while I may have forgotten the feelings just linger.

I don't recognize myself anymore either. I used to know myself, the real me, but the real me is gone now. The real me doesnt exist anymore, not the person I used to be at least. I'm different with every person I talk to. I've always tried being like others and fitting in, but that was just an act. I've always been an actor playing different roles, but there's no actor anymore. I'm not proud of any of my personalities, I don't recognize myself in any of them.

I have no real friends. The few friends I have are online, people haven't and will never meet. I feel like I properly blend in with normal people online, unlike irl. Maybe that's what's caused me to lose myself as well. I conformed to others, and the acts have slowly turned into the real me.

I don't even know anymore, I don't think these are even the things that do truly make me sad, they're just the things I managed to write down off of the top of my head. I've just been laying in my bed before sleep, thinking about my day for so long, and my thought just always end up going to sadness. I'm not hally with my life, I don't feel like I'm living. I don't know what's going on anymore

Hello and welcome! Don't worry, this is a place where we help each other, so feel free to express your thoughts. I hope you are feeling better.

 

[ndver1122]

This is my first post on here, it'll probably end up being a nonsensical mess but oh well.
I've read some other posts and I'm incredibly jealous over the English proficiency some of you possess. I wish I could turn thought into words like that.

I'm just sad, I don't know why anymore. I tend to cling onto emotion rather than my issues as a whole. I forget why I'm sad, why I'm upset, but the feelings stay. The emotions build up and eventually I feel so shit and I don't even know why. I leave a lot of things unresolved and while I may have forgotten the feelings just linger.

I don't recognize myself anymore either. I used to know myself, the real me, but the real me is gone now. The real me doesnt exist anymore, not the person I used to be at least. I'm different with every person I talk to. I've always tried being like others and fitting in, but that was just an act. I've always been an actor playing different roles, but there's no actor anymore. I'm not proud of any of my personalities, I don't recognize myself in any of them.

I have no real friends. The few friends I have are online, people haven't and will never meet. I feel like I properly blend in with normal people online, unlike irl. Maybe that's what's caused me to lose myself as well. I conformed to others, and the acts have slowly turned into the real me.

I don't even know anymore, I don't think these are even the things that do truly make me sad, they're just the things I managed to write down off of the top of my head. I've just been laying in my bed before sleep, thinking about my day for so long, and my thought just always end up going to sadness. I'm not hally with my life, I don't feel like I'm living. I don't know what's going on anymore

I can relate to almost everything you said.

Hello and welcome! Don't worry, this is a place where we help each other, so feel free to express your thoughts. I hope you are feeling better.

To add to what @Fall_Apart said - keep talking and maybe you'll figure out some things... and maybe make some friends along the way.

 

[Dejected 55]

A lot of the OP rings true to me as well. Sometimes I just stay sad without focusing on what made me sad, because, well... I'm already sad and it never gets better, only worse... so it's not like I really need to wallow in it to know it. I'm alone, so whether or not I dwell on it, I'm still alone. Whether something good or bad happens, I turn and have no one to share it with... so it's really not necessary for me to be conscious of why I'm sad in order to be sad.

 

[_chud_]

I relate to a lot of what you said, particularly the feeling of despair. It's so consuming, this is too much of a weight for a human to bear. Often I just try to ignore it. I don't have any advice for you, I don't think this is something that can be 'cured' tbh.

 

[parentportaldotnet]

it's ok to not fit in, especially considering your little tag w/ 'autism & adhd,' i understand that feeling though. long story short: was a weird little fuck in high school that learned to mask and wear makeup. having no real face-to-face friends is so isolating and oppressive. i dont think you want any advice or lip service, so i won't give it. youre completely ok to feel this way and it's ok to do so.

 

[sambrosia]

Your last 3 paragraphs— it's like you're describing my life. Exactly how I've felt for years now…