Good afternoon all,
I have been lurking in the shadows for the last couple of weeks, and have decided to make a post to pour my feelings out.
Life hasn't been too great recently in all honestly. I'm slowly getting more and more jaded and tired with life as things head to a pass. I'm just yearning now to be at peace with things, not have a head in a spin cycle, and having to mask my emotions all the time.
What I alluded it in my last post a couple of years ago is actually happening right now, with a full legal case. It's in all honesty soul destroying, and each day brings a new low. My SI thoughts are coming up and down in waves, some thinking it's all too scary, others thinking yes it will bring me some peace.
They are currently quite high, what with the local press getting the story and extended family seeing the article. I just want to curl into a ball with it all. I'm struggling regulating my emotions all through this process, as it's dredging everything back up.
I have marked a date in my calendar, to work towards. This may change as events happen, but I've put a CTB date for 1st August. That gives me a calendar month left on this earth to work through things and prepare. No methods or plans as of yet.
Only thing is, I'm having CBT therapy currently. I think I'll definitely have to mask through it, so I'm not caught out. I don't want any obstructions that way, and be careful what I mention outside this forum.
I am touched by the kindness and openness shown on this place, and this is why I feel comfortable post my thoughts.
I have been lurking in the shadows for the last couple of weeks, and have decided to make a post to pour my feelings out.
Life hasn't been too great recently in all honestly. I'm slowly getting more and more jaded and tired with life as things head to a pass. I'm just yearning now to be at peace with things, not have a head in a spin cycle, and having to mask my emotions all the time.
What I alluded it in my last post a couple of years ago is actually happening right now, with a full legal case. It's in all honesty soul destroying, and each day brings a new low. My SI thoughts are coming up and down in waves, some thinking it's all too scary, others thinking yes it will bring me some peace.
They are currently quite high, what with the local press getting the story and extended family seeing the article. I just want to curl into a ball with it all. I'm struggling regulating my emotions all through this process, as it's dredging everything back up.
I have marked a date in my calendar, to work towards. This may change as events happen, but I've put a CTB date for 1st August. That gives me a calendar month left on this earth to work through things and prepare. No methods or plans as of yet.
Only thing is, I'm having CBT therapy currently. I think I'll definitely have to mask through it, so I'm not caught out. I don't want any obstructions that way, and be careful what I mention outside this forum.
I am touched by the kindness and openness shown on this place, and this is why I feel comfortable post my thoughts.
