My wish to not exist has been with me for a very long time. A wish that never comes true... There are no longer times when I wait for a miracle to happen. I don't have time to wait. I don't have this luxury.
I've always wanted to do this, but I never thought it would be this unknown and helpless.
My family now knows my intentions and wishes. I wish they didn't know!
But at some point the iceberg melted and everything came out in tears. Nothing good except that the best method I can do is SN and it's on the way right now.
Actually no, even that doesn't exactly make me feel better. There is no good feeling.
Because I make my mother very sad.
I wish I had a magic way to keep her from being upset.
Now all I can do is take the cargo to my room without them seeing it.
While waiting for SN, my mind is constantly on kitchen knives.
I wait in my bed, my body moving involuntarily, with the thought of a knife blow to my jugular vein or my heart.
The carotid artery appears to be fast. But if it fails and damages my voice, I feel that with the other tortures that will occur afterwards, I will be in a state of mind that cannot be covered by the concept of psychology.
And it's a very, very strong feeling.
I don't know if there is anything that hears my voice, the frequency of my thoughts, or if there is any power that can hear and perceive the frequency of my desire to disappear...
But even if it did, I'm still here and I have the pain of existence.
That's why, for the first time, I will make this wish somewhere, in a virtual place.
Here's my only wish.
I want to disappear as if I never existed.
I've always wanted to do this, but I never thought it would be this unknown and helpless.
My family now knows my intentions and wishes. I wish they didn't know!
But at some point the iceberg melted and everything came out in tears. Nothing good except that the best method I can do is SN and it's on the way right now.
Actually no, even that doesn't exactly make me feel better. There is no good feeling.
Because I make my mother very sad.
I wish I had a magic way to keep her from being upset.
Now all I can do is take the cargo to my room without them seeing it.
While waiting for SN, my mind is constantly on kitchen knives.
I wait in my bed, my body moving involuntarily, with the thought of a knife blow to my jugular vein or my heart.
The carotid artery appears to be fast. But if it fails and damages my voice, I feel that with the other tortures that will occur afterwards, I will be in a state of mind that cannot be covered by the concept of psychology.
And it's a very, very strong feeling.
I don't know if there is anything that hears my voice, the frequency of my thoughts, or if there is any power that can hear and perceive the frequency of my desire to disappear...
But even if it did, I'm still here and I have the pain of existence.
That's why, for the first time, I will make this wish somewhere, in a virtual place.
Here's my only wish.
I want to disappear as if I never existed.
