There's no easy way to do this, is there? How can your mind be so ready but your body and life just put one roadblock after another in your way. Why are people so committed to keeping me here? I know this choice will hurt a lot of people but they act like that isn't already happening and going to happen. Losing my business, my relationship (he's not leaving me but how could he not in time), my ability to be a mom to my kids (I'm sure this makes me a terrible human). The world and my world on fire. I don't want to be here. I wish I hadn't brought kids into this world. Everyone is burnt out, no one can help me. Believe me, whatever could be suggested, I have tried. And then on top of that, it's impossible to leave easily, peacefully or quietly. It's like I've been slowly being backed into a corner but there is no escape. I just want to know that if I need out, I can get out.
I did the work, I pulled myself out of the depths of my trauma. I created a life and a family and a business I was proud of and then by some freak accident got a condition that effects .003% of people. I have never been more at peace than I was the second half of last year. And I've never been more unwell than the last 6 months. I can't make sense of this at all. I'm devastated. And further devastated at how hard it is to escape.
I did the work, I pulled myself out of the depths of my trauma. I created a life and a family and a business I was proud of and then by some freak accident got a condition that effects .003% of people. I have never been more at peace than I was the second half of last year. And I've never been more unwell than the last 6 months. I can't make sense of this at all. I'm devastated. And further devastated at how hard it is to escape.
