Discussion The urge to make everybody hate you

[SunnysSunset]

Anybody feel the urge to compeltely disconnect yourself from everybody you know so that they hate you? I want to do that so badly so that when I CTB, nobody will care and nobody will be hurt (assuming people care right now LOL) and I have no relationship obligations holding me back. I can go peacefully knowing everybody will be happy. Can someone relate?

 

[tary]

I've been gradually doing this for ages. I currently have no friends, and my mom is my only regular social contact irl. I'm not very close to the rest of my family. I want to hurt as few people as possible when I leave.

 

[jodes2]

Yeah I thought about doing that. But it's too hard to do completely. It would leave me completely alone for too long

 

[TransMagical]

Yeah I thought about doing that. But it's too hard to do completely. It would leave me completely alone for too long

Just be a bitch before you die, just like- shank a bunch of people, piss on a grave or two, and then catch your bus as you escape town before the cops get you!

 

[jodes2]

Just be a bitch before you die, just like- shank a bunch of people, piss on a grave or two, and then catch your bus as you escape town before the cops get you!

Oh man that sounds dangerous

 

[TransMagical]

Oh man that sounds dangerous

Listen, go out with a bang! I mean- your gonna see my death in the news when I CTB, no matter your country, thats for sure!

 

[violetchiwawa]

Anybody feel the urge to compeltely disconnect yourself from everybody you know so that they hate you? I want to do that so badly so that when I CTB, nobody will care and nobody will be hurt (assuming people care right now LOL) and I have no relationship obligations holding me back. I can go peacefully knowing everybody will be happy. Can someone relate?

Doing this right now :). I don't think I'll be here by next month. Im a terrible person. My actions prove I deserve a painful death and I'll make sure I get that :)

 

[jodes2]

Listen, go out with a bang! I mean- your gonna see my death in the news when I CTB, no matter your country, thats for sure!

Don't be so sure. Media very rarely report suicides. The reason is they widely believe it encourages more suicides. Fact. They're told not to report suicides cos it encourages copycats. Many people kill themselves every day and none are reported. People just go silently to the grave.

 

[TransMagical]

Don't be so sure. Media very rarely report suicides. The reason is they widely believe it encourages more suicides. Fact. They're told not to report suicides cos it encourages copycats

Not because the suicide, but because of the atrocities I would have committed before I CTB, I think id be a exception ya know, to hard to pass up if I do enough shit before I CTB, and BAM in the news with them calling my a psychopath.
A dream I wish I could have now

 

[absolomonisgone]

Don't be so sure. Media very rarely report suicides. The reason is they widely believe it encourages more suicides. Fact. They're told not to report suicides cos it encourages copycats. Many people kill themselves every day and none are reported. People just go silently to the grave.

Not if he shoots people in the streets shops stadium. This man very dangerous fear him danger

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I do have that urge, yes, but it sounds much easier to just drink the SN and have it be over, without trying to complicate things more than they already are.

Maybe for me, the best thing I can do is wait for someone to call me asking for a favor and tell them to fuck off before hanging up my phone. Then they won't care when I kill myself.

 

[stupidugly]

My self esteem is already pretty low and I'm in some default state that I'm not even hated, just ignored, a nobody, which is maybe better or worse I don't know. Some feeling is more than no feeling at all I think...? Hate's a pretty strong feeling, polar opposite of love, being like a ghost feels like nothing at all and it can get pretty lonely,

 

[heyrabu]

I too feels like i want to hurt as much people as possible, not to make them feel misireable, but i just want to make them not too sad when I finally commits CTB.
But man, it's so hard.. especially when I care alot about everyone arounds me..
I make it my life mission to make everyone happy, to have the happiness that I can't attain, to always be there when they need someone to talk to.

But if i had to be honest i kinda wishes that everyone can just one day hear some fake gossip about me and comes to hate me out of the blue, so I can CTB without burden or regrets

 

[Forest Fire]

I don't want people to hate me but i don't want them to be affected by me when i ctb. I used to play for a football team and was in a band and had friends. Slowly removed myself from all them to get to the point i'm at now where other than working i've pretty much been a recluse for the last ten years. The only regular contact i have is with my parents and siblings and a couple of people at work but even then i haven't let any of my work mates ever really get to know me.
Even if i wanted to be a part of anyones lives now i don't know how i would go about sorting it out. I am waiting for my parents to go before i do anything and the pain i am going to cause my siblings makes me feel like a piece of shit but at least it's only two people who will be hurt as opposed to how many more it would have been.
Sorry to anyone going through the same, it's a thoroughly depressing situation to be in

 

[nembutal]

no. i am very scared of rejection from others.

 

[HybridSpectre]

I feel like an invisible phantom strolling through life or an atom in the depths of an ocean because my physical presence or absence means nothing to anyone. Frankly I wouldn't give a shit about what anyone feels because of my death. Once I get to the point that I'm completely sick and tired of this life, I doubt other people's feelings would be something even worth considering. I suppose they'd just fade into background as noise like they should.

 

[mierepeashi]

no. i am very scared of rejection from others.

Yeah I feel the same way lol. I also have someone that I love so so much that it's so hard for me to CTB thinking that they might take the guilt upon themselves. Not sure they love me back at all but yeah it's so hard for me to even try to distance myself from them. We also live in like a not so big city so it isn't really that possible to just disappear all of a sudden.
My only impediment in my attempt to CTB. Oh god I love them so much :).
It's just so difficult.

 

[FishGoingInsane]

Anybody feel the urge to compeltely disconnect yourself from everybody you know so that they hate you? I want to do that so badly so that when I CTB, nobody will care and nobody will be hurt (assuming people care right now LOL) and I have no relationship obligations holding me back. I can go peacefully knowing everybody will be happy. Can someone relate?

The past 6 years of my life has been a cycle of me making new online friends only to eventually force myself to disconnect and reset. I know that I've hurt so many people by doing this (assuming they actually noticed/cared), but my goal is to ultimately to have as many people that I considered close to hate me as possible. The more they hate me, the easier the act will be when the time comes.

When I was in school, it was basically impossible to fully disconnect from all the people I called friends because I would still have to see them everyday. My friends eventually got used to me disappearing for weeks at a time though. It was as simple as avoiding their routes to classes so they wouldn't have to deal with me being the annoying pest I am, although eventually they would find me and we would reconnect, only for the cycle to repeat days to weeks later. I wonder if they were even surprised when I completely disappeared after we graduated from high school.

Constantly having to listen to that urge and actually going through with it every single time has destroyed my life irreparably, and I really wonder where I would be now if I didn't have that urge and kept all the friends I had made over the years. Would I be happy? Would I be the same? I'll never know.

The memories I made with them are floating around in my head and make it hell to keep living. I miss all of them every single day of my life, and I will for the rest of my life.

That urge is a curse. I strongly advise you and anyone else not to listen to it, but it's not my place to dictate how people live their lives.

I know that I've hurt so many people by doing this (assuming they actually noticed/cared)

Thinking back on what I said earlier in this same post, I probably hurt myself way more than I hurt them. I doubt that all of them would remember me, but I know I will always remember them.

In the end, even though I regret it all, I still think it's for the best that I disconnected from all of them because I don't think I was ever, or could ever, be a good friend to any of them. I sincerely hope that they all live happy lives without me being around to bother them.

(I apologize if this is not what you were talking about or/and was just me rambling and venting or doesn't make any sense)

 

[looking_for_peace]

Anybody feel the urge to compeltely disconnect yourself from everybody you know so that they hate you? I want to do that so badly so that when I CTB, nobody will care and nobody will be hurt (assuming people care right now LOL) and I have no relationship obligations holding me back. I can go peacefully knowing everybody will be happy. Can someone relate?

did something similar. cut off my online friends a few days ago, saying I was quitting social media. they actually didn't care as much as I thought lol, but it will be nice not worrying about them when the day comes.

 

[nico_wren]

I do that constantly. I don't even do it for ctb reasons, I just always have. My past counselor said it was from my bpd and pushing people away, but idk man. Sometimes I'm so mean to my boyfriend for no reason and I'll say it in a joking tone and tell him I'm joking; he believes I'm joking and there is no hard feelings. But, I always feel like shit afterwards.

When I was in the height of my depression I also pushed everyone away, but it wasn't on purpose. It was just instinctual I guess.