Venting The undertones need to be suppressed.

[Fog is a wall]

I want to give back to my community before leaving. Giving back to people is my most important goal in life. Because humans deserve life and love. I want to be the best person I can be for the people I come in contact with. And I somehow feel the pressure to build friendships for this reason, so that I can be a safe person to people. So I can be there as an example of a good friend, when betrayal inevitably crashes into your life. I know it will happen to every person as it happened to me.

But I have to leave prematurely because I know what they did. The same people I have to care about, hold such polarizing views on depression and suicide in general that I hate it here. I hate how people react to your struggles. Some call you privileged, some call you weak, some call you inconsiderate. I am fine giving my entire life to people but can I have my final act for myself? I know what they thought when I told them about my issues. I remember what my best friend told me when I opened up about this. I know that I will never have anyone to talk about this openly with. That's just life. It feels weird knowing that they will never have to deal with the repercussions of this. It feels really "off". I am not gonna elaborate on how this will affect the people around me as I am sure everyone knows. But it's important that it shouldn't be publicized. Too often things get turned into political rhetoric and suddenly you become a statistic, a story. A story for someone to push their agenda through. An agenda that they are too dumb to see through or understand the implications of.

And before people come at me for wanting to die because of people around me and how that's not very good reason to, I will just say that that's only one reason. I will maybe speak of the others sometime else. I have time still.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I think it's beautiful that you want to be of help to other people. There are very few people out there that genuinely feel that way. It's really unfortunate that life has treated you terribly and led you to being on this forum. I hope you find peace in whatever you do.

 

[Fog is a wall]

I think it's beautiful that you want to be of help to other people. There are very few people out there that genuinely feel that way. It's really unfortunate that life has treated you terribly and led you to being on this forum. I hope you find peace in whatever you do.

It's kind of comforting to hear this from someone. Maybe it' s just because I haven't really talked about this openly with any human. It kind of gets suffocating after years. I don't know about life treating me a certain way, sometimes things can avalanche out of proportion. Sometimes the voices that are loud enough to deafen you end up just being echoes that reverberated enough to feed into each other. Growing in volume. Echoes that stay longer than they should. Indeed, what I believe is the problem is that some things just stayed with me far longer than they should. Duration rots just as impact does, I think. Thank you for the kind words, you are the kind of person I aim to keep fighting for. Much love <3