OliverGarden
Neverchild
- Dec 22, 2025
- 15
I'm 19M, and have been dating a severely mentally ill 25M for about 6mo now. Mentally, he's somewhere between 6-10yo, and isn't really capable of doing a lot. He doesn't leave the house, doesn't talk to his family (besides his little brother), and has no real plans in life. I fell in love with him because of his sunny disposition and kind-hearted personality, and was fully okay with being a full-time caretaker for him long-term. I've been planning on ways to bring him to live with me next year when I start uni, and we've roughly discussed our goals for the future in terms of building a family. I love him dearly, and in spite of that, I hurt him.
A few days ago, his little (12yo) brother stopped breathing and was sent to the ER. I told my boyfriend to go be with him, but he couldn't due to his trauma and mentality. I was harsh, but ultimately was just scared of him losing his little brother and the kid being alone. But this hurt my boyfriend a lot. To him, it was basically me forcing him on something that was mentally impossible for him. He said he doesn't love me anymore, and that I fundamentally broke his ability to ever rely on others for comfort anymore. He said he's willing to give me a second chance because of how much he did love me before, and how I made him feel before. He needs to have that life I've promised him.
Before we met, he was essentially aroace. The ace part stayed, but he said I was the first person he fell in love with, because I was willing to take care of him when nobody else would.
With all this stuff out the way... I feel super conflicted. I feel... used in a way, now. How can he stop loving me so easily when all I've done is be there for him, and restructure my entire life plans around him? I was willing to give up dreams for him... and I feel used now, knowing I'm so disposable for him, when paired with the fact he only loves me for what I can offer. I knew that going into the relationship, but I guess I told myself that'd change eventually. He'd also grow to love me for me. Guess not...
He was perfect for me in many many many ways. Him needing so much care was honestly part of why! I've always been a caretaker at heart, and it made me happy to think about being able to give him a happy life. But I just feel so broken... I wanna die. I've been hitting myself, self-harming, crying...I know he's hurting too. We've been talking daily - he wants me to make him love me again like I did the first time, because he needs me. But it's hard to be that chipper again because my world feels shaken.
I wrote this horribly I feel because I'm in a bit of a hurry and still saddened, but I'm willing to answer questions. I'm planning to ctb in Feb or so because I can't imagine life without him, and while technically we're still together for now, our relationship is on a rope and I feel like it won't hold. I have severe abandonment issues stemming from trauma due to being groomed for most of my life, and this doesn't help - especially during Christmas...
A few days ago, his little (12yo) brother stopped breathing and was sent to the ER. I told my boyfriend to go be with him, but he couldn't due to his trauma and mentality. I was harsh, but ultimately was just scared of him losing his little brother and the kid being alone. But this hurt my boyfriend a lot. To him, it was basically me forcing him on something that was mentally impossible for him. He said he doesn't love me anymore, and that I fundamentally broke his ability to ever rely on others for comfort anymore. He said he's willing to give me a second chance because of how much he did love me before, and how I made him feel before. He needs to have that life I've promised him.
Before we met, he was essentially aroace. The ace part stayed, but he said I was the first person he fell in love with, because I was willing to take care of him when nobody else would.
With all this stuff out the way... I feel super conflicted. I feel... used in a way, now. How can he stop loving me so easily when all I've done is be there for him, and restructure my entire life plans around him? I was willing to give up dreams for him... and I feel used now, knowing I'm so disposable for him, when paired with the fact he only loves me for what I can offer. I knew that going into the relationship, but I guess I told myself that'd change eventually. He'd also grow to love me for me. Guess not...
He was perfect for me in many many many ways. Him needing so much care was honestly part of why! I've always been a caretaker at heart, and it made me happy to think about being able to give him a happy life. But I just feel so broken... I wanna die. I've been hitting myself, self-harming, crying...I know he's hurting too. We've been talking daily - he wants me to make him love me again like I did the first time, because he needs me. But it's hard to be that chipper again because my world feels shaken.
I wrote this horribly I feel because I'm in a bit of a hurry and still saddened, but I'm willing to answer questions. I'm planning to ctb in Feb or so because I can't imagine life without him, and while technically we're still together for now, our relationship is on a rope and I feel like it won't hold. I have severe abandonment issues stemming from trauma due to being groomed for most of my life, and this doesn't help - especially during Christmas...
