Venting The thought about having kids makes me feel icky

[Misery99]

I never wanted to be a parent. Just thinking about it makes me feel very uncomfortable and icky. Most people desire to be parents after they get married but I'm not one of them. For some reason it's not something which I ever desired and just thinking about it makes me feel like something crawling in my skin and it makes me feel very scared about the future. Probably it has something to do with me being Neurodivergent and also being raised by narcissistic parents in my childhood. I always wanted to get married to a man who didn't want to have kids either but I ended up being married to someone who does want children and it makes me feel like my only solution would be ctb because this would not end up well. I almost got together with someone who had the same interests as me about not wanting any children but me being broke was a deal breaker for him so I ended up with my current partner.

 

[charlavail]

there is also the option of getting a divorce and finding someone who doesn't want children. not trying to sway you which way. i feel you thought, i don't want children and sometimes i think the only way i'll ever find someone to love me is to bend on that and then i'll end up miserable so my options are be alone and miserable or do something i don't want to try and "be loved" so i'm like idk both options are bad.

 

[pieceoffox]

I completely share your opinion. I think children are a waste of time, money, and energy. I think being with a partner who wants children when you don't want them yourself is misery for both parties, because either way, someone will be unhappy. I wish you the strength to sort this out

 

[Misery99]

there is also the option of getting a divorce and finding someone who doesn't want children. not trying to sway you which way. i feel you thought, i don't want children and sometimes i think the only way i'll ever find someone to love me is to bend on that and then i'll end up miserable so my options are be alone and miserable or do something i don't want to try and "be loved" so i'm like idk both options are bad.

Yes it's true. I feel like I'm wasting his youth by being married to him and whenever he brings up the topic of wanting to have children, I feel that dreadful feeling and wish I could just disappear. I don't know how to find someone else with the same interests as me because I'm completely alone in a new country and I never leave home unless it's without my partner. I'm very shy and anxious too which makes things even more difficult.

 

[unluckysadness]

Having children in 2026 is completely reckless. NOT having kids is the best thing I've done in this miserable existence.

 

[Misery99]

I completely share your opinion. I think children are a waste of time, money, and energy. I think being with a partner who wants children when you don't want them yourself is misery for both parties, because either way, someone will be unhappy. I wish you the strength to sort this out

Yes it's true. I feel guilty about being married to him when I'm this scared of becoming a parent. I just can't see myself being a parent myself because I don't have the strong, independent quality to be a mom. I feel like I should just plan and ctb before it gets to that point so he can marry someone else.

Having children in 2026 is completely reckless. NOT having kids is the best thing I've done in this miserable existence.

I agree....with all those wars, economic crisis happening in the world, it's not actually a wise idea to have any children.

 

[_Gollum_]

Having children in 2026 is completely reckless. NOT having kids is the best thing I've done in this miserable existence.

For that matter, having kids at any time is reckless.

"This crime my father has done to me, I will do to no one."

 

[Forveleth]

I broke up with several partners over not wanting children. My parents were upset I did not want kids. I do not care. It is not my job to take on a very expensive, life-long, difficult responsibility to make other people happy. I got sterilized at 25 and never regretted it for a single moment.

 

[monolog]

Most women who don't want kids or child free eventually do it instincts take over
I think it is harder to stop yourself from breeding if you are female

 

[whywere]

Having come from a horrible childhood, I never wanted kids and at the age of 70, looking back, have zero regrets.

Now, everyone has to row their boat their way which is great.

It always breaks my heart when I see a parent scream at their kid and sometimes yank them around, as why did you have unprotected sex for?

Having kids can be a wonderful experience, but it is NOT for everyone and to have society, like in my case, always ask: why did you not have kids, everyone does? always blows my mind.

There is NO cookie cutter anything in life, let each and every person decide their own path, with ZERO outside influence.

Walter

 

[charlavail]

Yes it's true. I feel like I'm wasting his youth by being married to him and whenever he brings up the topic of wanting to have children, I feel that dreadful feeling and wish I could just disappear. I don't know how to find someone else with the same interests as me because I'm completely alone in a new country and I never leave home unless it's without my partner. I'm very shy and anxious too which makes things even more difficult.

what about wasting YOUR youth? fuck him and his thoughts tbh some men are very self centered and only think about themselves.

Most women who don't want kids or child free eventually do it instincts take over
I think it is harder to stop yourself from breeding if you are female

that's not true. many women in their 60s and 70s report that they are incredibly glad they didn't have children. there's also a whole subreddit of people who REGRET having children. Second of all, ew what kind of language is "breeding" and "female". We are actual human beings with thoughts and feelings, not just an incubator.

 

[Mooncry]

Most women who don't want kids or child free eventually do it instincts take over
I think it is harder to stop yourself from breeding if you are female

What an absolutely wild and uneducated thing to say

 

[Zyntkalla]

I am probably not going to have any kids.I am almost 30 in June. I might have considered having kids but I have some health issues & I don't care if my kids ended up getting it. For me is if they didn't get the issues I have because it will only make me feel worse about myself & I would probably be jealous because of it. My hole life I've always felt this disconnected feeling & on top of it I was always in these special classes & it made me feel worse about myself. If thinking that way is wrong then so what.

 

[monolog]

What an absolutely wild and uneducated thing to say

I knew personally one girl who was child free by decided to give a birth at 18
Also Riley Reid is well known example (I dont watch porn btw)

what about wasting YOUR youth? fuck him and his thoughts tbh some men are very self centered and only think about themselves.

that's not true. many women in their 60s and 70s report that they are incredibly glad they didn't have children. there's also a whole subreddit of people who REGRET having children. Second of all, ew what kind of language is "breeding" and "female". We are actual human beings with thoughts and feelings, not just an incubator.

I m not telling is impossible I just think that being child free as man is much easier
Also all female body and anatomy is designed to carry child in exchange for athletic perfomance
I sounded a little bit offensive but it happened accidently I see women as humans they are even more human than men in some sense
but I feel and act misogynistic sometimes

 

[Aflame5926]

but I feel and act misogynistic sometimes

your other post sure makes sense now.

not that it will give you a green card tho.
were all fucked in our head here but still play it nice

 

[Bishop]

Your body your choice.

 

[Dejected 55]

People should be free to decide to have or not to have children without judgement from others. But I think if two people are going to be together, they should make sure they are aligned in this. Marrying someone who wants something that you absolutely do not (or vice-versa) is not a recipe for a happy relationship.

 

[FadingShadows]

I have a HUGE phobia of reproduction. I've had nightmares about it my entire life, even when I was still a kid. I love baby animals, I've held kittens and cavies and foals while they were still wet from the birth, but I have trouble being around pregnant animals. Pregnant humans are both horrifying and disgusting to me (apologies to any pregnant or once-pregnant humans here ). I also have some issues with human female cycling that are due to neurodivergence and OCD, and, quite frankly, I'm absolutely batshit in general.

And apparently this was stuff I was just supposed to get over and would have gotten over if I'd given in because motherhood is so special and wonderful and the hormones would have made me love my baby, not made me crazier (which is why I just saw an ad for a post-partum specific antidepressant, because all women handle it fantastically, and AHAHAHA boy you can always tell the people who don't know me). I have had SO many arguments with people because "I think certain things are gross" automatically means I was raised to think women were wrong and dirty. SIR/MA'AM, IT IS LITERALLY A PHYSICALLY MESSY PROCESS AND I HAVE CRIED FROM HAVING *WATER* ON MY HANDS WHEN I'M NOT ACTIVELY TAKING A BATH.

It turns out I'm aroace anyway, but before I knew that, and I was still trying to have relationships for reasons other than actually wanting to be with someone, I could and did have sex, but that fear was always right there. My last ex talked about getting a vasectomy, and I said, "If you're doing it for me, don't bother, because I'll never feel secure enough in anything to not need other methods." (He doesn't want kids himself, but there was no reason for him to put himself through surgery if it wouldn't change anything, you know?)

One of my others did want kids, and he used to throw it in my face that he was giving that up for me, to stop me from pointing out that he was NOT coming through on my needs. And what really pissed me off about it was that I don't want them, full stop, but I (being young and stupid) told him I would have been willing to consider adoption or a surrogate or whatever. I would have compromised for him (thank god it never got that far). But, nope. It had to be our biological child coming out of my body because otherwise the real mother could have changed her mind and tried to regain custody.

(And that wasn't even why we ended up breaking up. Jesus.)

 

[overthrone]

I never wanted to be a parent. Just thinking about it makes me feel very uncomfortable and icky. Most people desire to be parents after they get married but I'm not one of them. For some reason it's not something which I ever desired and just thinking about it makes me feel like something crawling in my skin and it makes me feel very scared about the future. Probably it has something to do with me being Neurodivergent and also being raised by narcissistic parents in my childhood. I always wanted to get married to a man who didn't want to have kids either but I ended up being married to someone who does want children and it makes me feel like my only solution would be ctb because this would not end up well. I almost got together with someone who had the same interests as me about not wanting any children but me being broke was a deal breaker for him so I ended up with my current partner.

me too. i mainly fear fucking up as a parent, but it also seems like too much of a hassle. that's why i'm very pro-choice - we shouldn't be forced to have kids we dont have the means to take care of.

 

[Misery99]

me too. i mainly fear fucking up as a parent, but it also seems like too much of a hassle. that's why i'm very pro-choice - we shouldn't be forced to have kids we dont have the means to take care of.

Those are the same reasons for me too.... having kids is a huge responsibility and I don't think that I can handle such big responsibility because I'm constantly afraid of messing things up. Having kids is not something I had ever desired either. I see no point of people wanting to have more and more kids when there's a huge population in the world already...it's just something I'd rather never do. My desire is to live a life with freedom and no worries and stress.