The saddest thing about CTBing

[...]

The thing that I find the most upsetting about the pain I'm in and the decision to CTB, is that I am actually a very simple man. I only ever had very minimal goals I wanted to achieve. I only ever had minimal wants that would have kept me happy. All I needed was a soulmate to love and to accompany. All I ever wanted for the future was my own family. I live through others. That would have been enough. I would have been so happy.

 

[ukemaster]

Deciding to CTB is not a simple decision, and therefor you are not a simple man.

Can I please inquire as to your planned method?

 

[...]

Deciding to CTB is not a simple decision, and therefor you are not a simple man.

Can I please inquire as to your planned method?

jumping

 

[Lucas70]

The thing that I find the most upsetting about the pain I'm in and the decision to CTB, is that I am actually a very simple man. I only ever had very minimal goals I wanted to achieve. I only ever had minimal wants that would have kept me happy. All I needed was a soulmate to love and to accompany. All I ever wanted for the future was my own family. I live through others. That would have been enough. I would have been so happy.

I think we are complicated person,simple persons don't have problem.We only think about ourselves,our own happiness.After gaining knowledge about life and want to ctb,why would you want to bring new soul into this world.You know how is life and it's not a good place to live.Also no guarantee they will get good genes.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

jumping

Sounds scary - you don't wanna try N?

 

[FuneralCry]

It is sad when people want to live, but they are unable to. This is something I can not relate to, I want nothing to do with life and there is nothing sad about ctb for me, it is comforting the thought of not being here. Life is very unfair and cruel. I'm sorry you cannot have the life you want. I wish you the best, I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[Pluto]

The thing that I find the most upsetting about the pain I'm in and the decision to CTB, is that I am actually a very simple man. I only ever had very minimal goals I wanted to achieve. I only ever had minimal wants that would have kept me happy. All I needed was a soulmate to love and to accompany. All I ever wanted for the future was my own family. I live through others. That would have been enough. I would have been so happy.

I totally relate, but people who have family life go wrong (dysfunction, divorces, etc.) can wind up envying single people for the simplicity of their lives.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I relate, my whole life I also just wanted to have someone by my side which doesn't sound too complicated, right? right? But shit happens, shit that can't be fixed and going from this life is the only solution.

 

[Hater]

good luck next life

 

[AnotherTragicName]

I used to be a demanding prick. Not from people in particular, but from life. I wanted it all. Maybe not "billionaer"-all, or "rockstar"-all.

Money was never that interesting for me, but I wanted to have enough at least. Money shouldn't be a problem. Car, nice flat, nice vacations, savings, you get the picture.
When I wanted to have something/ needed something, I wanted to be able to just buy it without thinking too much about it.

But what I really cared about, was fullfillment. I dreamed about a big circle of friends. I wanted to be so sociable, that everyone wants to hang out with me. I believed in that whole self-improvement bullshit.
A partner that I admire. Children. A dog. Maybe in the mountains or close by.

And above all, a profession that I love. I really baught into that lie. I was convinced that there has to be a profession, which makes me feel so alive, admired, competend and connective, that I would just love getting up in the moring and going there.


And now... I have nothing of the above. I had to see how my demands got smaller, and smaller, and smaller.

The only thing I really care about nowadays, is having a flat, food and access to medicine. I don't want to live on the streets. Besides that... sure, I still have ideas what would make my life better. But I am not clinging to that anymore. The less I expect, the less I can get disappointed.

Maybe that's my karma. If you expect much, you get nothing. I feel like this life could be all about humility for me.

 

[Insomniac]

but I wanted to have enough at least

what I really cared about, was fullfillment. I dreamed about a big circle of friends. I wanted to be so sociable, that everyone wants to hang out with me. I believed in that whole self-improvement bullshit.
A partner that I admire. Children. A dog. Maybe in the mountains or close by.

And above all, a profession that I love.

If you expect much, you get nothing

I feel like this life could be all about humility for me.

honestly, idk why you feel like life is teaching you humility. your desires were very basic. Love, friendship, basic abundance. healthy work-life. there was nothing not "humble" about your wishlist, @AnotherTragicName.

life denied these basic things to many of us. not sure why since there's more than enough for everyone.

I too am reduced to only wanting a roof over my head and medecine. and I don't even have those things, I still live with my parents and can't pay my dentist bills and my parents are demanding that I pay them back the student loan they gave me. my teeth hurt very badly every single day, my parents are comfortable enough to help me with that but they won't. even asking for a healthy relationship with your parents/sibling is asking too much apparently.

I have been into that "self-improvement" bulshit too and I'd say it's the thing that took everything away from me. I understand the feeling of feeling like you might have asked for too much. Maybe we should have just been okay with living a basic boring passion less life from the start.

but for me, I feel like life taught me nothing. if humility is what life was trying to teach me, then my bad. Dear God, Universe, sorry for asking for my basic physical and mental needs to be met.

 

[AnotherTragicName]

honestly, idk why you feel like life is teaching you humility. your desires were very basic. Love, friendship, basic abundance. healthy work-life. there was nothing not "humble" about your wishlist, @AnotherTragicName.

life denied these basic things to many of us. not sure why since there's more than enough for everyone.

I too am reduced to only wanting a roof over my head and medecine. and I don't even have those things, I still live with my parents and can't pay my dentist bills and my parents are demanding that I pay them back the student loan they gave me. my teeth hurt very badly every single day, my parents are comfortable enough to help me with that but they won't. even asking for a healthy relationship with your parents/sibling is asking too much apparently.

I have been into that "self-improvement" bulshit too and I'd say it's the thing that took everything away from me. I understand the feeling of feeling like you might have asked for too much. Maybe we should have just been okay with living a basic boring passion less life from the start.

but for me, I feel like life taught me nothing. if humility is what life was trying to teach me, then my bad. Dear God, Universe, sorry for asking for my basic physical and mental needs to be met.

How did the self-improvement-industry harm you?

Well, we all have different karma, if you believe in that.
In the end, some people end up a lot worse than you and me, even though I have great compassion for your situation. Im sorry for what you are in.
Still, some get their parents murdered in front of their eyes when they are 5 years old. Others get sold into slavary. Others are being tortured simply for the enjoyment of the torturer.

I understand your point. Love, competence, a reputation. All that feels very natural, like a birthright in a way.
But in this life, the truth is that you can take nothing for granted. You cannot demand anything. You might be blessed to get something, and your hard work will be appreciated. But it can be taken away every second.
So yeah. I feel like it's about the atitude. When something good happened, of course, I was proud about it. I always build my self-esteem upon the good events in my life. So maybe, I should have been more thankful.

 

[Insomniac]

How did the self-improvement-industry harm you?

I believe in enlightenment, Karma, spirituality, reincarnation, Buddhism, Soul Healing, prayers vibration and all that trash when I should've just focused on getting my engeneering degree in Math and statistics. I focused on dumb things like meditation and positive self-talk when I should have been memorising my intermediate value theorem and my partial derivative formulas. I was practicing the law of attraction instead of my trigometric laws.

I focused on all the wrong things and here I am.

I definitely no longer believe in Karma since those who are doing the most harm to everyone are the best off ones and the most comfortable ones.

Still, some get their parents murdered in front of their eyes when they are 5 years old. Others get sold into slavary. Others are being tortured simply for the enjoyment of the torturer.

I'm well aware of these things, I used to bindge watch gore websites. but I don't think one should set the standard of your life based on these things.

 

[PTSDPigeon]

Well, people need care. Society doesn't put up with misery. society doesn't do well when you're a "blacksheep". They gang up on you like a murder of crows and make the decision for you.

It's sad when people CTB. They had hearts, personality and were treated (sometimes) absolutely terribly. Others CTB out of guilt. They injure others, they're in prison, they kill.

I believe in "sticking with my own" "there's safety in numbers" and finding support in people who I have issues in common with. Society doesn't hand those out. They hand out drugs, straitjackets, isolation, therapy and deprogramming meant to brainwash and reform the vicitm into a state of "it didn't happen".

It's always disgutsing to watch someone CTB. I have a terrible time looking. It's horrible.

 

[AnotherTragicName]

I believe in enlightenment, Karma, spirituality, reincarnation, Buddhism, Soul Healing, prayers vibration and all that trash when I should've just focused on getting my engeneering degree in Math and statistics. I focused on dumb things like meditation and positive self-talk when I should have been memorising my intermediate value theorem and my partial derivative formulas. I was practicing the law of attraction instead of my trigometric laws.

I focused on all the wrong things and here I am.

I definitely no longer believe in Karma since those who are doing the most harm to everyone are the best off ones and the most comfortable ones.

I'm well aware of these things, I used to bindge watch gore websites. but I don't think one should set the standard of your life based on these things.

I see, so you didn't have the priorities right in your life. Understandable, the promises of the self-help industry are just to tasty. Invest your time and effort, and everything will be better afterwards.

For me it was quite differently, I treated spirituality and all that stuff as a very dear hobby as I was still working. Only as shit hit the fan, I lost my job and everything anyway, I took the time to really focus on spirituality and self-improvement. I even lived in a buddhist monistary for half a year. And I gotta say, there's a lot in it. I wanted to see what the people have to say about it, that really live it, not those refering to it.
I never found more richness and depth in simple moments as there. Spiritual visions did happen, and I was extremly willing and able to accept pain and discomfort. I also experienced energy transfer and telepathy.

But did this by any mean solve my problems, make me succesful or anything like that? No, it didn't.

You can probably make everything into a brand and try to sell it to those who look for answers. Imagine you live in a society that never did sports, and some happy and sucessful people start to tell everyone about bodybuilders. People that weigh double as you, get all the women, feel super confident, and are just overall happy because of the endorphines released (sience backed!). Also, you will have a lot less physical pain and be healthier and live longer.

Could easily be enlightenment 2.0 if you ask me... lol.

Spiritual practices can assist you, help your wellbeing, but they are neither necessary nor a promise for sucess.

There are a lot of illusions in the self-help industry. One might be, that enlightenment is some kind of supreme-happiness-state. That's not the case, but yes, these states do happen in meditation sometimes and they are among the best things I ever experienced. If at all, I would regard enlightenment as a very focused state of relaxed acceptance. Pain is still pain. If you are socially awkward, you are still socially awkward. You can still burn out and your traumas are still or traumas. And if you feel suicidal, you still feel suicidal. It's all just not so tragic anymore. It's what it is.
And: Enlighenment is nothing to reach, it's a path. It's a practice. The abbot of the monistary where i lived still meditates 2-8 hrs each day, after almost 50 years of practice. Either it's for you, or not. There's no right or wrong.

I also wanna point out that practicing alone is extremly difficult, and even when you go to a meditation group with a lot of dedication, the results are still limited compared to when you actually live in a place that's designed for active buddhism. Many of the people I met there came regularly, once a month or so, for a few days, to really keep in touch with their pracitce.

The lies of the self-help industry are extremely dangerous. I watched the movie about the law of attraction. You can get ANYTHING you want from the universe, if you ask for it? For real? Good to know, then I can tell my aunt that she doesn't need chemo anymore, she can just wish that her cancer goes away.
Supplements, channelings, ancient practices, shamanism, etc. Nothing inherently wrong with anything, but idealising things will easily let you down. Watch out for fake prophets.

I know you commented on karma and life-expectations aswell, but apparently I wrote a whole book again without noticing, lol. Enough for today.

 

[SoulAsylum]

This is very relatable for me. I never had any grand desires to be filthy rich, drive fancy sports cars, be famous, or wear shiny jewelry. Having a simple roof over my head, food on the table, being safe and secure, with a soulmate to spend the rest of my life with would have been more than enough for me. I would have been very content living out my life and dying when I'm old and grey.

I've lived with chronic pain throughout most of my life. On some days it's so bad I feel as through my muscles are melting into my bones. Sometimes I think to myself how nice it would be if that were the only problem I had to deal with in life. Then maybe I would be less likely to ctb.