scordatura
hate myself
- Sep 12, 2025
- 107
Death is the only thing that can save me.
Who am I to think I can change?
Folks, I've been way too far gone for so long. I can't fake it anymore. I can't.
The only way to exist is too not feel, too not speak and too not experience. But I can't do any off these things. I can only live if I am already dead inside. But I'm not dead inside and every bullshit thing the world has shat on me over and over again is still very much alive inside of me to live over and over again.
I made a mistake, I never intended it, I just forgot, I just forgot that people react when you mention honestly how you feel. The police and mental health services get involved, they snap you out of it, just from the shock of all the commotion... but they don't help you. And now I need to wait silently for it to all boil over again. I was so close. But... at least I know I will get there again. I just need to wait. Wait in fucking pain. Silently this time.
My escape will come for me eventually.
The only thing that will ever save me.
But I appreciate, that this here is a place I don't need to be silent, and thank you for that, because I need this.
Who am I to think I can change?
Folks, I've been way too far gone for so long. I can't fake it anymore. I can't.
The only way to exist is too not feel, too not speak and too not experience. But I can't do any off these things. I can only live if I am already dead inside. But I'm not dead inside and every bullshit thing the world has shat on me over and over again is still very much alive inside of me to live over and over again.
I made a mistake, I never intended it, I just forgot, I just forgot that people react when you mention honestly how you feel. The police and mental health services get involved, they snap you out of it, just from the shock of all the commotion... but they don't help you. And now I need to wait silently for it to all boil over again. I was so close. But... at least I know I will get there again. I just need to wait. Wait in fucking pain. Silently this time.
My escape will come for me eventually.
The only thing that will ever save me.
But I appreciate, that this here is a place I don't need to be silent, and thank you for that, because I need this.
