I'm twenty years old.
I am terrified of physical pain, of feeling my body malfunction and revolt against me.
If I could find a guaranteed painless way to go I would take that pill right now.
Honestly that's not a good enough reason to stay alive and it doesn't give you enough motivation to sustain yourself. Being afraid of dying, I mean. But that's the only reason I'm still here.
I'm on an antidepressant and maybe I should ask to up my dose.
I also have severe issues concentrating. I almost never manage to do what I'm supposed to do and it kills me. I have such a wrecked sense of self and trust in myself because of that. I feel dumb even though I'm not.
I have a toxic, controlling mother and no money to leave. She makes me want to kill myself more than anything. I hate her so much. She is the type of person that just sucks the soul out of everyone she's around.
My grades are flunking. I might waste a year at uni. Which means another year stuck in here.
Recently broken up. Not likely I will meet anyone else soon.
I don't have any joy in my life because my ex girlfriend was the only breath of happiness and freedom I had.
I feel disgustingly ugly and a failure. Ever since she doesn't want me anymore I'm afraid no one will.
I am ashamed of everything from the way I look, to my lack of achievements, to my family, to my house. It's like I'm always hiding something.
I live in an enviroment that breeds depression.
I feel like an hamster on a wheel. I am always stuck in the same situation and whenever I feel like I'm making some progress I get snapped back as if I'm the butt of some cruel joke.
I struggle with EVERYTHING. I have 0 ability to concentrate and spend most days scrolling and rotting away. I am wasting my life and the knowledge of this fact eats away at me.
I am in therapy but I don't know how to convey all of this. I feel like I'm not being heard. My mood also changes very rapidly so I might feel better by monday when I see my therapist again. I should have a therapist on me 24/7 realistically for how quickly I change my mind.
I'm this weak, pathetic failure who always needs somebody to be there for her and reassure her. I am tired and terrified.
I don't know what I'm looking for I guess just someone to listen or something. I'm not very articulate right now, I'm sorry. Not my first language and I also feel exhausted.
. When does it end?
I am terrified of physical pain, of feeling my body malfunction and revolt against me.
If I could find a guaranteed painless way to go I would take that pill right now.
Honestly that's not a good enough reason to stay alive and it doesn't give you enough motivation to sustain yourself. Being afraid of dying, I mean. But that's the only reason I'm still here.
I'm on an antidepressant and maybe I should ask to up my dose.
I also have severe issues concentrating. I almost never manage to do what I'm supposed to do and it kills me. I have such a wrecked sense of self and trust in myself because of that. I feel dumb even though I'm not.
I have a toxic, controlling mother and no money to leave. She makes me want to kill myself more than anything. I hate her so much. She is the type of person that just sucks the soul out of everyone she's around.
My grades are flunking. I might waste a year at uni. Which means another year stuck in here.
Recently broken up. Not likely I will meet anyone else soon.
I don't have any joy in my life because my ex girlfriend was the only breath of happiness and freedom I had.
I feel disgustingly ugly and a failure. Ever since she doesn't want me anymore I'm afraid no one will.
I am ashamed of everything from the way I look, to my lack of achievements, to my family, to my house. It's like I'm always hiding something.
I live in an enviroment that breeds depression.
I feel like an hamster on a wheel. I am always stuck in the same situation and whenever I feel like I'm making some progress I get snapped back as if I'm the butt of some cruel joke.
I struggle with EVERYTHING. I have 0 ability to concentrate and spend most days scrolling and rotting away. I am wasting my life and the knowledge of this fact eats away at me.
I am in therapy but I don't know how to convey all of this. I feel like I'm not being heard. My mood also changes very rapidly so I might feel better by monday when I see my therapist again. I should have a therapist on me 24/7 realistically for how quickly I change my mind.
I'm this weak, pathetic failure who always needs somebody to be there for her and reassure her. I am tired and terrified.
I don't know what I'm looking for I guess just someone to listen or something. I'm not very articulate right now, I'm sorry. Not my first language and I also feel exhausted.
. When does it end?
