The Official 2020 Everything But The Kitchen Sink Post

[Jean4]

She's okay. Yes I'm feeling better today. Not very good but better than before. You don't wanna talk about how you're feeling? That's totally fine, but I'm just asking. I don't mean to be annoying.

I'm pming you. ;)

 

[MysticPerception]

Morning everyone. Okay it's about to be noon so noon everyone. I'm doing both who cares. I woke up thinking why did I wake up then tried to go back to sleep. That's not like me but luckily my cat bothered me until I got out of bed. He wakes up with me when my alarm goes off then comes over to the bed and pesters me until I start my day. I've been pretty sad about the fact that I lost my old writing notes though. I want to write but the idea of starting a new story is just not happening. I always wait until ideas come to me and then I take notes and go for it but with all of my notes gone I've lost all of the details for a starting point on multiple stories. My motivation is killed to continue as that's months of planning just gone and I can't recall them because my memory sucks. I guess the reality is I had plenty of time to write those stories but I never did I always thought I could just do it later and put it off because I wasn't in the mood but I still hate not having the option available. I feel like I robbed myself of part of my imagination.

In other news I just took half of my medication compared to normal in hopes that it doesn't make me as drowsy. Fingers crossed I guess since it sure as hell doesn't help my suicidal thoughts at this point my brain already got used to it's tricks and just overwrites whatever it's supposed to do I guess.

 

[Jean4]

Morning everyone. Okay it's about to be noon so noon everyone. I'm doing both who cares. I woke up thinking why did I wake up then tried to go back to sleep. That's not like me but luckily my cat bothered me until I got out of bed. He wakes up with me when my alarm goes off then comes over to the bed and pesters me until I start my day. I've been pretty sad about the fact that I lost my old writing notes though. I want to write but the idea of starting a new story is just not happening. I always wait until ideas come to me and then I take notes and go for it but with all of my notes gone I've lost all of the details for a starting point on multiple stories. My motivation is killed to continue as that's months of planning just gone and I can't recall them because my memory sucks. I guess the reality is I had plenty of time to write those stories but I never did I always thought I could just do it later and put it off because I wasn't in the mood but I still hate not having the option available. I feel like I robbed myself of part of my imagination.

In other news I just took half of my medication compared to normal in hopes that it doesn't make me as drowsy. Fingers crossed I guess since it sure as hell doesn't help my suicidal thoughts at this point my brain already got used to it's tricks and just overwrites whatever it's supposed to do I guess.

Today you apply for Medicaid and find a doctor.

 

[MysticPerception]

Today you apply for Medicaid and find a doctor.

Today I look for a new job because I have none right now. The assistant store manager just lied to me over the phone a few days ago about putting me back on the schedule but they aren't going to the new schedule was made last night. I'm not even going to be fired they're just going to keep putting me not on the schedule and say I quit lol. Well I hated that job anyway so it's sort of a release. Sure feels like life is trying to attack me from multiple angles at once though I kind of want to just take one thing at a time but it's like no fuck you there's no time.

 

[Jean4]

Today I look for a new job because I have none right now. The assistant store manager just lied to me over the phone a few days ago about putting me back on the schedule but they aren't going to the new schedule was made last night. I'm not even going to be fired they're just going to keep putting me not on the schedule and say I quit lol. Well I hated that job anyway so it's sort of a release. Sure feels like life is trying to attack me from multiple angles at once though I kind of want to just take one thing at a time but it's like no fuck you there's no time.

What type of job will you be looking for?

 

[MysticPerception]

What type of job will you be looking for?

Heck if I should know I have little to no skills. The only job I can get is some bottom of the barrel retail trash with my experience. I hate the work system so much. I hate that I wasn't raised to have experience and skills and I hate that I never changed that myself because my brain wants nothing more than to just escape everything and not think about it every chance it gets. Wow I'm really ranty today for some reason.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

According to my PC, current time is... disco time!

 

[Jean4]

Heck if I should know I have little to no skills. The only job I can get is some bottom of the barrel retail trash with my experience. I hate the work system so much. I hate that I wasn't raised to have experience and skills and I hate that I never changed that myself because my brain wants nothing more than to just escape everything and not think about it every chance it gets. Wow I'm really ranty today for some reason.

Customer service?
Cable Company
Amazon

 

[MysticPerception]

Customer service?
Cable Company
Amazon

I want to die.
I hate talking on the phone.
They treat their workers like slaves.
I'm a spoiled brat so finding work for me is hard. Starting to wish I could just take a pill that makes me love working lol.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Starting to wish I could just take a pill that makes me love working lol.

I'd take CTB over that any day.

 

[Jean4]

I want to die.
I hate talking on the phone.
They treat their workers like slaves.
I'm a spoiled brat so finding work for me is hard. Starting to wish I could just take a pill that makes me love working lol.

I did customer service for United Healthcare. Great benefit.

Starbucks has great benefits too.

 

[MysticPerception]

I'd take CTB over that any day.

Ctb isn't a choice for me right now so I'm trying to work with alternatives here just saying.

I did customer service for United Healthcare. Great benefit.

Starbucks has great benefits too.

Allow me to rephrase my earlier statement as I would rather die than work customer service. I've had my fill. I'll probably end up with it anyway as no one wants to hire me otherwise. This is exactly part of the reason why I needed to die when I did. If only the pain wasn't so great I wouldn't have to put up with any of this.

 

[Jean4]

Ctb isn't a choice for me right now so I'm trying to work with alternatives here just saying.

Allow me to rephrase my earlier statement as I would rather die than work customer service. I've had my fill. I'll probably end up with it anyway as no one wants to hire me otherwise. This is exactly part of the reason why I needed to die when I did. If only the pain wasn't so great I wouldn't have to put up with any of this.

Starbucks? I applied for a job there.

 

[MysticPerception]

Okay deep breaths I'm chill now. I'm going to the movies later so there's that. I'm not applying to starbucks lol. I'm unreasonable so I want a job I like. Whatever I've got rope on me so I'll just hang myself if no one will hire me that I want. Okay wow that made me feel way better instantly. I missed having an option that I don't intend to actually take.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

I'm unreasonable so I want a job I like

Well there's nothing unreasonable, but it might be years-long project to get one.

 

[MysticPerception]

Well there's nothing unreasonable, but it might be years-long project to get one.

Yeah but I'm extremely impatient. I want the world handed to me on a silver platter. Every time I dream of grand ambitions I lose interest due to how long it would take lol.

 

[Banquo501]

Is there anything in particular you think you'd enjoy doing @MysticPerception

 

[Jean4]

Okay deep breaths I'm chill now. I'm going to the movies later so there's that. I'm not applying to starbucks lol. I'm unreasonable so I want a job I like. Whatever I've got rope on me so I'll just hang myself if no one will hire me that I want. Okay wow that made me feel way better instantly. I missed having an option that I don't intend to actually take.

What movie?

 

[MysticPerception]

What movie?

Jesus you take fast showers. Some anime movie I forgot the name my friend invited me to go watch it with him today and his friends.

Is there anything in particular you think you'd enjoy doing @MysticPerception

Writing. I kind of want to work in a library maybe but I'm afraid I would get bored from how quiet it is.

 

[Jean4]

Jesus you take fast showers. Some anime movie I forgot the name my friend invited me to go watch it with him today and his friends.


Writing. I kind of want to work in a library maybe but I'm afraid I would get bored from how quiet it is.

I'm typing from the shower! You saw pics!

 

[MysticPerception]

I'm typing from the shower! You saw pics!

I told you that's dangerous. Well I guess you like to live on the edge.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Yeah but I'm extremely impatient. I want the world handed to me on a silver platter. Every time I dream of grand ambitions I lose interest due to how long it would take lol.

There's nothing surprising - the point is to go by small steps, but each of them should be enjoyable on their own. And if you actually going to recover, you'll get into that high-energy state where you can have longer-term goals. Right now you're in a pretty fucked up state (all of us here probably are), so you won't be able to follow on any grand ambition :)

 

[MysticPerception]

There's nothing surprising - the point is to go by small steps, but each of them should be enjoyable on their own. And if you actually going to recover, you'll get into that high-energy state where you can have longer-term goals. Right now you're in a pretty fucked up state (all of us here probably are), so you won't be able to follow on any grand ambition :)

Can I steal your rationale? I need it right now. My brain is a big mess and if I could just think logically again like you do I feel like I could recover much faster lol.

 

[Banquo501]

Writing. I kind of want to work in a library maybe but I'm afraid I would get bored from how quiet it is.

I keep trying to write, cant motivate or stay focused though. Library work isn't always necessarily quiet, my ex was doing a library degree and the work she did in libraries seemed quite involved, books need a lot of looking after apparently.

 

[Jean4]

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Can I steal your rationale?

My rationale? Do I have one?

 

[MysticPerception]

My rationale? Do I have one?

Oh not one for taking an objective look at yourself? Allow me then, you're one of the most rational people I know. You're clearly wise and think things through as well. Also I love you but that's not objective that's an opinion lol.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Oh not one for taking an objective look at yourself? Allow me then, you're one of the most rational people I know. You're clearly wise and think things through as well. Also I love you but that's not objective that's an opinion lol.

It's probably a language thing - I thought rationale means reason, purpose, and being rational is having rationality.
Also not really. While I certainly possess a certain intellectual ability, I definitely lack (currently, at least) in ability to apply it for my own good.

 

[MysticPerception]

It's probably a language thing - I thought rationale means reason, purpose, and being rational is having rationality.
Also not really. While I certainly possess a certain intellectual ability, I definitely lack (currently, at least) in ability to apply it for my own good.

I don't know my own language very well so who cares it means you're calm and collected and are rational. You use your intellectual ability for the good of others even if you don't use it for yourself.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I'm so fucking amped up... I want to do some very bad things.