I bought nearly exact cornbags (5" by 6" instead of 6" by 6", but same weight 16 ounce), and a ratchet.
I have read the whole thread (23 pages) 1-2 weeks ago (when I registered), looking at all the pictures etc, and feel like I got good understanding where carotid arteries are.
I have practiced with my hands for 2-3 hours but I can't seem to replicate the passing out. I found the pulsating spot, and I press it IN (going through the neck to the back, not pushing them together).
I also can feel when I am pressing wrong spots, like jugulars, as I get headache etc, so I avoid that place.
I am pressing above my adam's apple right below the chin, where I feel the pulse the strongest. I tried sitting up, and laying down. There were few times when I felt corner of my eyes turn a little black, or a feeling of passing out, so I kept holding in hope to pass out, held for 40+ seconds, but did not pass out. Nothing happens.
I tried doing the same using cornehole bags - pressing with them (by hands), but nothing as well.
I tried applying reasonable force, and also as much as I could (I have a bit fat neck - but nothing crazy, easily accessible can feel the pulse easily etc), but no difference. If anything my windpipe would start getting blocked just by too much force / would get hard to breath, making me think this was too much force, as comments say it should be relatively little.
I need to figure out how the ratchet works, as I bought the one which has a long strap on its own with a hook separated from the main mechanism, and a short strap with a hook attached to the main mechanism. I can cut off the hooks and shorten it easily, but I don't get how to put the strap in, and make it tighten. I am going to watch some youtube videos on that.
In comings days / weekend when I am bothered I going to try it out with a ratchet. Might be irreversible if I succeed as I won't be able to undo it if I am passed out, but not extremely bothered by it, as that's the end goal anyway. Live alone, so.
I should write a letter to my parents, as it will hurt them, but honestly, if this was ideal world I wouldn't be doing this, so I can't bring myself to write it, thinking maybe I won't do this. But over the years I have been getting closer and closer, and I am pretty spontaneous, so one day might go through with it before I get a chance to write a letter.
Plus this "will get better" nonsense isn't true, as I have been going through this since I was a kid. For no "specific" reason too, as in - good, loving, non-abusing parents, weren't well off but always had everything I needed. Excelling in my career, with great above market pay, no stress from the job, ahead of the peers. But I always wished for freedom. If I could just "live", as in breath / exist, without bad repercussions (becoming without roof, homeless with no food etc), maybe I would stay. But considering it's not possible, bar for select few individuals in life, have to choose alternatives options. I tried reaching that at first, but didn't go as well as I wanted, and honestly do not want to put more effort towards it. Rather choose to end this easier, end of day it will end someday, rather stop the suffering. Knowing there will be some good moments, as in the past, means absolute 0, because there are many more shit moments, being forced to do what we do not wish in life.
Sorry for the wall of text, first post lol, and feel attached to this thread as I have read all 23 pages.
Anyone has a good resource on forum or elsewhere to write a good goodbye letter? I haven't looked yet. But I would like to convey to my parents that this has nothing to do with them, or any specific situation, that I did not hurt ever, was in no pain through life or during death (as it's painless method), and was mentally healthy and stable. That there was no help they or anyone could provide, and that I was happy to just stopping existing, that some are just born that way, and that there's nothing wrong with it.
Edit:
Damn, had a look at ratchet videos, I think I bought a wrong one.
Mine is exactly as this one - can't think of a way to modify it so it works tightening around my neck: