The Loss of the Self

[Memento]

I don't even feel like myself anymore. I've lost interest in the things that once brought me so much joy and excitement and wonder. I too often cling onto the memories of those happier times — wanting go back so desperately. All that is left is a husk — tormented with anxiety, guilt, self-hatred. A vessel for others, a soul who conforms to the world around them — so obsessed with trying fit in and be something I'm not only made me stand out more. So out of touch and alienated and used. I feel numb to what I've become.

Feeling so alone, yet surround by so many.

So suicidal, yet I yearn to live and be happy.

So miserable, yet so hopeful things will change.

I feel so many indescribable and conflicting things about myself it's overwhelming.

I have lost a part of my self, and it feels like the rest of me is drifting away.

 

[Unsure and alone]

@Memento
Hugs.
It's painful to be so tired and so conflicted.
I understand.
Maybe in a different way but I do understand.

 

[SueAsyde]

I don't even feel like myself anymore. I've lost interest in the things that once brought me so much joy and excitement and wonder. I too often cling onto the memories of those happier times — wanting go back so desperately. All that is left is a husk — tormented with anxiety, guilt, self-hatred. A vessel for others, a soul who conforms to the world around them — so obsessed with trying fit in and be something I'm not only made me stand out more. So out of touch and alienated and used. I feel numb to what I've become.

Feeling so alone, yet surround by so many.

So suicidal, yet I yearn to live and be happy.

So miserable, yet so hopeful things will change.

I feel so many indescribable and conflicting things about myself it's overwhelming.

I have lost a part of my self, and it feels like the rest of me is drifting away.

I fucking feel you. I, for whatever reason, cut myself some days ago because i was tired of having this loss of self and feeling empty for fucking 7 years again. Before those 7 years i cut myself aswell. I wish i could say some good stuff which in turn would start the fire of hope inside of you, but i can't and i don't want to tell you some bullshit everyone else says like "it's gonna be fine". Like neither me or you would know that. It's just that we're tired of waiting and hoping while waiting which gets exhausting pretty quickly.
Nice username by the way

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I don't even feel like myself anymore. I've lost interest in the things that once brought me so much joy and excitement and wonder. I too often cling onto the memories of those happier times — wanting go back so desperately. All that is left is a husk — tormented with anxiety, guilt, self-hatred. A vessel for others, a soul who conforms to the world around them — so obsessed with trying fit in and be something I'm not only made me stand out more. So out of touch and alienated and used. I feel numb to what I've become.

Feeling so alone, yet surround by so many.

So suicidal, yet I yearn to live and be happy.

So miserable, yet so hopeful things will change.

I feel so many indescribable and conflicting things about myself it's overwhelming.

I have lost a part of my self, and it feels like the rest of me is drifting away.

I can relate to this. So frustrating and confusing and lost and stuck. It sucks. No words to use to manage explain, you've done a great job summarising it there.