The last few days leading up to CTB

[Sageiois]

As the title says im finding peace soon so ill post my thoughts/SI or anything relating to it here
So far i stopped caring about everything. How family will think of me, how my fiance will take it etc etc blah blah
Ive never felt this level of euphoria from anything. I think this is what people feel when they actually decide to go through with it
My head has been empty, no voices or thoughts aboit anything. Every now and then i get the occasional "finally" or "congrats" ringing around but nothing more.
My body no longer hurts, but i still have the desire to hurt myself (sh) even though its completely pointless at this point
Eating and drinking are slowing down, but ill still drink a beer here and there.
Like i said i stopped caring at this point thus why i posted my discord username here because fuck it, might as well talk to some other members of the community before i check out

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans, I hope you find the peace you search for.

 

[rozeske]

I wish you all the best with your decisions and hope you find your peace

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish you all the best with your plans and I hope you find peace! Good luck!

 

[SVEN]

Best wishes for everything coming together for you and your achieving peace and tranquillity.

 

[INTJme]

I'm on the same boat! With just 17/18 days to go, thoughts of hurting family, friends etc. or what people will think of me are no longer a concern. Intrusive thoughts about my traumas are few and far between, making me healthier than what I'd been before taking the decision! Food used to be a massive cope but I no longer crave it anymore; I feel content, probably the first time in my life.

 

[Sageiois]

Update 1:
The feeling of bliss and peace are still present but now im mourning myself and for once i had the urge to cry, didnt though
Every thought that isnt CTB is being pushed back by the fact it doesnt matter anymore and the peace returns

 

[plumelo]

have a good trip, if it's not indiscreet what method will you use?

 

[uniqueusername4]

As the title says im finding peace soon so ill post my thoughts/SI or anything relating to it here
So far i stopped caring about everything. How family will think of me, how my fiance will take it etc etc blah blah
Ive never felt this level of euphoria from anything. I think this is what people feel when they actually decide to go through with it
My head has been empty, no voices or thoughts aboit anything. Every now and then i get the occasional "finally" or "congrats" ringing around but nothing more.
My body no longer hurts, but i still have the desire to hurt myself (sh) even though its completely pointless at this point
Eating and drinking are slowing down, but ill still drink a beer here and there.
Like i said i stopped caring at this point thus why i posted my discord username here because fuck it, might as well talk to some other members of the community before i check out

Just curious, why not break up with your fiance before doing it? It seems a little cruel to the other person to CTB while in a relationship when you could just end the relationship. I personally wouldn't get into one until I have been in recovery for a while. No hate, just processing what you said and curious as to why

 

[Sageiois]

have a good trip, if it's not indiscreet what method will you use?

Shotgun method in a forrest away from people. Hard to find whats left

Just curious, why not break up with your fiance before doing it? It seems a little cruel to the other person to CTB while in a relationship when you could just end the relationship. I personally wouldn't get into one until I have been in recovery for a while. No hate, just processing what you said and curious as to why

Oh she broke up with me today, i told her my plan and she still wants to hang around after i told her its just going to end up hurting her. If you can look at my post about this

 

[uzuf86]

I'm not quite there yet but I can relate to your thoughts. Hard to see someone going away but everyone has their own reason.

 

[Sageiois]

Update 2:
Couldnt sleep last night but spent it mainly otp with someone from the forum
Im almost past mourning myself (cringe i know) but now the feeling of fufillment is present letting me know that this is the right choice.
My heads empty now, every now and then i get flashes of the area ill go to and how itll look from my pov. Ive been planning on seeing my family and a close friend before i CTB so they can get one last look of me before im gone. Going to buy a box of 16 gauge shells and test fire it at the location then proceed to see if there is infact an afterlife or reincarnation.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

I hope you have the strength to do whatever you need. You aren't alone.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Update 2:
Couldnt sleep last night but spent it mainly otp with someone from the forum
Im almost past mourning myself (cringe i know) but now the feeling of fufillment is present letting me know that this is the right choice.
My heads empty now, every now and then i get flashes of the area ill go to and how itll look from my pov. Ive been planning on seeing my family and a close friend before i CTB so they can get one last look of me before im gone. Going to buy a box of 16 gauge shells and test fire it at the location then proceed to see if there is infact an afterlife or reincarnation.

Is this person still alive?

 

[justcallmeJ]

I wish you the best with your plans an hope you find peace <3

 

[DeadManLiving]

There's is the peace and calm effect in the days leading up, but when it comes down to the very moment of pulling it ... I'm just waiting for that impulse from a bad day or argument or discord. Eventually it'll happen, it's just the combination of many factors converging within into a Flashpoint.

 

[Sageiois]

Is this person still alive?

Til tomorrow night, couldnt log in yesterday
Update 3:
Today is the last time i saw some family members and i felt little to nothing the entire time. Honestly just more peace with the pov flashes continuing.
I found a partner in this and theyre coming tomorrow, we're grabbing dinner and going to the location.
Honestly last hugs feel lile normal ones and it was easy to let go of them, and they dont know the goodbye i said was the last thing theyd hear from me.
Tomorrow ill be back at my house counting the hours down til i can get us an uber to the resturant then to a spot close to the location where ill retrieve the shotgun and go through with it
Bought some fresh shotgun shells just incase the ones i have are too old to work
My minds blank now, all i can invision is the exact moment before i pull the trigger and find the peace ive been looking forward to for countless years now.
Tomorrow will most likely be my last post, and ill schedule an account deletion with mods

 

[Sageiois]

Last post
Mods delete my account in 8 hours on april 13th
I had my last meal, drinking for the last time and smoking my last cig with my partner in this.
I dont feel nervous or scared

 

[iloverachel]

good luck my friend
All the best
Hopefully you will be free from suffering and pain