I don't know how many of you can relate with this situation, but I have been miserable and suicidle for 8 years now. I don't know why I don't do it... but my life is always crises after crises. I am always lingering on the rope of "I should kill myself... no I shoudn't" all the time. The suffering is so overwhelmingly high. I have neglected so many responsabilities due to thinking that I would finally go... and in the next week, there I am again. My parents currently pay for all my life costs. I try not to overspend due to feeling so bad for this. I avoided so much being a failure, but this depression has crippled me in so many ways... I barely can hold a minimum wage job. And here I am again... I seriously don't get myself... and this leaves me in so much despair. I don't understand what I am doing anymore.
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bed
CTBed
- Aug 24, 2019
- 919
I can relate, I have been in limbo for a long time. I was set on dying in 2013 and have not done anything really with my life since. I have had suicide attempts since then but have never been able to get over the barrier. My life has progressively gotten worse since the year I initially wanted to off myself, albeit I did have a few good moments. Now though I have constant chronic pain on top of my mental health issues that have just gotten worse since then despite treatment.
I am a long-term NEET and on disability. I have no prospects of getting a job or holding one. I feel like a burden to my family, although they barely pay attention to me. I just let the days blur and they turn into weeks, then months, and then years. It feels like just yesterday sometimes that it was 2013...
I am a long-term NEET and on disability. I have no prospects of getting a job or holding one. I feel like a burden to my family, although they barely pay attention to me. I just let the days blur and they turn into weeks, then months, and then years. It feels like just yesterday sometimes that it was 2013...
I can also relate. I didn't know when, but i was sure I would be gone before my 30's. Now i'm almost 30 with nothing to show for it apart from all these negative feelings.
Even so i'm still here. Why? I have no idea. I've come close to ctb but chickened out. Wish i had some direction in life.
Even so i'm still here. Why? I have no idea. I've come close to ctb but chickened out. Wish i had some direction in life.
Long term NEET as well. 2012/13 was the start of my major spiral downwards. I get the feeling of it being a blur, i've no idea what's happened between then and now. How did it pass by so fast?
I want to be a net again, working is a disgrace and waste of time
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 42,487
Existing really can be so depressing and it seems like it is impossible to escape from suffering in this life. I should have left a while ago, but of course I am still here which is because suicide is difficult for me. I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I know that it is hard to carry on when you suffer so much and things just get worse. It is such an unfair life.
tilsleepcomes
Willing to try anything.
- Jul 23, 2021
- 106
Limbo. Perfect word for it.
I, too, have been teetering on that edge without doing the deed.
I have been here for a couple years now.
I've made preparations but I linger for some reason.
I, too, have been teetering on that edge without doing the deed.
I have been here for a couple years now.
I've made preparations but I linger for some reason.
Can also relate... the beginning of the spiral for me was 2012/2013 as well...
I have used this word before on multiple ocasions... it's interesting to see that other people use it too...
bed
CTBed
- Aug 24, 2019
- 919
if you ever want to chat you can pm me. I may not reply right away but it might be nice to talk to someone relatable.
toasterbath
.
- Jun 26, 2022
- 254
I can completely relate. I'm sticking around a bit but it's getting harder and harder to hold on. I was supposed to have graduated and been on a career path but I messed all of that up. I hate feeling like a parasite or leech but at the same time I know my dad would be really hurt if I was gone. At least he is older and doesn't really watch his health so I too won't have to be around much longer.
HopefulButPrepared
Experienced
- Jun 22, 2022
- 247
same here really, but due to chronic pain - the pain aint goin nowhere, it's becoming obvious, there is no cure, except switching it off myself, by switching my brain off - the reason i don't is because i have this tiny hope it will go away, but i think im just living in fantasy land now
I wonder if I will want to become a neet again if I try to get out of here...
It is really an unfair life... and it's indeed overwhelmingly hard to keep going. And I don't even understand why I keep going. I am also sorry to hear that you are suffering FuneralCry. And thank you for your all your kind replies.
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i was a neet and i kept listening to people when they bragged about work with dumb catchphrases like "that brings you dignity blabla"(Holy shit, i hate when someone that to me) and so i felt like a garbage outcast for not being able to work. Until I finally got a job and realized that these people are a bunch of idiots and I should never have listened to them, there's nothing good about torturing yourself for a petty job to support a greedy boss's ass.
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Obviously, I don't know your situation. However, if you are not sure of your decision, then you need to explore other options. You should not CTB having any doubt in your mind about the situation and the outcome of those situations. I am not against CTB, but I do believe that if you have not fulfilled the opportunities presented to you, you are not in a position for buying a bus ticket.
There is absolutely no judgement or bias in this situation. I want you to explore the alternatives which would allow you to remain an active productive human.
There is absolutely no judgement or bias in this situation. I want you to explore the alternatives which would allow you to remain an active productive human.
DerTod
No alarms and no surprises
- Apr 17, 2022
- 136
Are you under any treatment atm? I've been in this limbo as well and it felt very miserable. If you think that rationally can change your life and want to give that a try, go see a psychiatrist. I'm on Venlafaxine for depression and Gabapentine for anxiety for a month and a half now and it did make a big difference regarding my mood. No longer have those huge shifts. Still think i might CTB but i'm actually very calm about it and not scared at all. I know that if i'm gonna find changing my life too dificult,i will just do it and that's that. Honestly it's a lot better to CTB cool and collected than desperate and a total mess.
