Venting I have decided

[gonesoon!]

I am becoming exhausted with how hard it is to CTB. After my first attempt when I was 18 I'm scared to screw it up again. I don't want to mess around. I'm also scared of too much pain. I'm a coward. I saw a few methods I liked on here. Shallow water blackout seems good at first but implausible. The tourniquet methods seems like what I will use. I want to get drunk and pass out and that will be it. The problem is I have no money. Like zero dollars. I can't even CTB and it's making me very upset. Everything is too hard.

My existence feels about as pathetic as it could get. I never lived. No job. No school. No relationship. Just the bare minimum. I hated myself the entire time. I'm constantly mean to myself. It never stops. I always sabotage myself. I don't even want to feel good. I lost hope a long time ago. Even though I'm pretty young. And most of you probably have it much worse than me. Help doesn't exist. I don't want it anyways. This is inevitable so it's better to get it over with. The longer I stay the harder it will be for my family & few friends. I don't know what to say to them. There's so much more I want to say but really what is the point? This world wasnt meant for me. Im tired.

 

[darksouls]

I am very sorry about your situation

wish you the best

 

[gonesoon!]

I am very sorry about your situation

wish you the best

Thank you

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, I see so much cruelty in how it's so difficult to be free from this torturous, futile existence, I always wish there's the option to just simply cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again, I also see myself as not meant for any of this, I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief you search for.

 

[gonesoon!]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, I see so much cruelty in how it's so difficult to be free from this torturous, futile existence, I always wish there's the option to just simply cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again, I also see myself as not meant for any of this, I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief you search for.

Thank you. I agree. Although I wouldn't want to see people end it before they tried to fix it a few times. The only reason I'm still here is my family and couple friends. And the fact I haven't experienced anything. I wanted to live my life but I guess it's too much for me.

I hope you find relief as well. This site is very comforting but also depressing in its own unique way. Not in a bad way. Ive come to almost enjoy my depression. So many people are hurting. I just don't see another answer. At the end of the day its me alone in this room again. With the same hole in my chest.